Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
The reason for the long radio silence since the last podcast episode is that my
laptop broke halfway through the book tour around New Zealand, Australia, and England.
Now that it's been replaced, I can get back to recording new episodes more regularly.
I appreciate your patience and understanding. Thank you.
While on tour, I regularly asked audiences when it would be difficult for them to listen to
what others have to say without taking anything personally.
Many said it would be tough to remember that whatever the other person says has
nothing to do with them when it's specifically about them, but even that reveals more about
the person speaking than the one listening. So, why are we so sensitive?
If someone was to tell you that they don't like
cilantro (coriander), you wouldn't take it personally, right?
But if they tell you that they don't like YOU, then one of two things usually happens:
it either hurts a bit and maybe even it feels like rejection, or you realize it's nothing
personal, you simply aren't everyone's cup of tea, and you move on.
The ability to not take things personally is not a superpower that only a few people naturally
have while others don't, we can all gain confidence through practice.
Confidence is another word for Trust,
whether it's trust in yourself, in others, or in something bigger than you.
I'm not talking about cocky arrogance or
self-importance, I'm talking about faith and conviction, because of the absence of
confidence is the presence of general distrust, cynicism, and doubt,
whether it's in yourself, in others, or in something bigger than you.
And since the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, if you go through life
seeking other people's approval, then you run the risk of thinking confidence is
something you get from others rather than cultivating your own.
This not only creates a vicious cycle, it puts you in a codependent relationship with
complete strangers you impulsively distrust unless they like you.
As Lao Tzu said: care what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner.
So, how do we get confidence if not from others? We get confident by consciously
choosing to look at the world through the lens of love because living in fear and
suppressed anger makes everything and everyone appear to be a threat.
In other words, if you think you are protecting yourself by staying guarded and cynical,
you own stubbornness is robbing you of the
very confidence you need to never take anything personally.
My confidence, for example, is in the transformative powers of the ancient
teachings, not in my own writing or public speaking ability.
I also trust you will look past my typos, for example, more than I
trust myself not to make any. Think about it: if I was afraid of making
mistakes, or of you judging me for making them, I wouldn't do anything.
So, I remind myself it's not about me.
And that is how I do what requires confidence even when I don't have any.
In short, I treat everything like cilantro / like coriander: some people will love you,
others will hate you, and neither would have anything to do with you.
Research has actually shown that everyone is genetically predisposed to either
love the flavor of cilantro or absolutely hate it because it tastes like soap to them.
So I think of people the way I think of cilantro,
which explains why someone adores the people you hate, or vice versa.
When in doubt, just use the mantra: I am cilantro... It's ALL cilantro.
And maybe this practice will diffuse your anxiety as much as it relieves my own.
Then, even if someone doesn't like you,
it's nothing personal. You can confidently smile to yourself and move on.
Good luck!
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏