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Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.

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Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

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Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

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The reason for the long radio silence since the last podcast episode is that my

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laptop broke halfway through the book tour around New Zealand, Australia, and England.

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Now that it's been replaced, I can get back to recording new episodes more regularly.

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I appreciate your patience and understanding. Thank you.

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While on tour, I regularly asked audiences when it would be difficult for them to listen to

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what others have to say without taking anything personally.

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Many said it would be tough to remember that whatever the other person says has

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nothing to do with them when it's specifically about them, but even that reveals more about

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the person speaking than the one listening. So, why are we so sensitive?

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If someone was to tell you that they don't like 

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cilantro (coriander), you wouldn't take it personally, right?

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But if they tell you that they don't like YOU, then one of two things usually happens:

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it either hurts a bit and maybe even it feels like rejection, or you realize it's nothing

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personal, you simply aren't everyone's cup of tea, and you move on.

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The ability to not take things personally is not a superpower that only a few people naturally

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have while others don't, we can all gain confidence through practice.

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Confidence is another word for Trust, 

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whether it's trust in yourself, in others, or in something bigger than you.

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I'm not talking about cocky arrogance or 

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self-importance, I'm talking about faith and conviction, because of the absence of

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confidence is the presence of general distrust, cynicism, and doubt,

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whether it's in yourself, in others, or in something bigger than you.

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And since the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, if you go through life

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seeking other people's approval, then you run the risk of thinking confidence is

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something you get from others rather than cultivating your own.

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This not only creates a vicious cycle, it puts you in a codependent relationship with

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complete strangers you impulsively distrust unless they like you.

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As Lao Tzu said: care what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner.

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So, how do we get confidence if not from others? We get confident by consciously

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choosing to look at the world through the lens of love because living in fear and

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suppressed anger makes everything and everyone appear to be a threat.

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In other words, if you think you are protecting yourself by staying guarded and cynical,

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you own stubbornness is robbing you of the 

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very confidence you need to never take anything personally.

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My confidence, for example, is in the transformative powers of the ancient

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teachings, not in my own writing or public speaking ability.

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I also trust you will look past my typos, for example, more than I

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trust myself not to make any. Think about it: if I was afraid of making 

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mistakes, or of you judging me for making them, I wouldn't do anything.

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So, I remind myself it's not about me.

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And that is how I do what requires confidence even when I don't have any.

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In short, I treat everything like cilantro / like coriander: some people will love you,

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others will hate you, and neither would have anything to do with you.

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Research has actually shown that everyone is genetically predisposed to either

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love the flavor of cilantro or absolutely hate it because it tastes like soap to them.

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So I think of people the way I think of cilantro, 

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which explains why someone adores the people you hate, or vice versa.

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When in doubt, just use the mantra: I am cilantro... It's ALL cilantro.

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And maybe this practice will diffuse your anxiety as much as it relieves my own.

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Then, even if someone doesn't like you, 

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it's nothing personal. You can confidently smile to yourself and move on.

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Good luck!

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Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,

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and The Opposite of Namaste.

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For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

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where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

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watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

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We hope you have enjoyed this episode 

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and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

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Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏