Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
When most people ask, "How are you?"
They aren't actually looking for an in-depth or even honest response.
It seems to be a societal norm to only exchange brief pleasantries such as,
"I'm fine, how about you?"
Followed by the equally generic and vague, "I'm good."
This ritual reflects how little attention we give to the full range of our emotions,
except, of course, for the frequent complaints we are compelled to voice throughout the day.
Anything from the common "I'm so busy,"
which is often worn as a badge of honor for some reason, to expressions like, "I'm tired,"
"I'm angry," or "I'm irritated and fed up," all of which we freely express.
As a result, we rarely look deep within ourselves, unless we are either fortunate
enough to have therapy sessions on a regular basis, or we have close friends who are
genuinely interested in our well-being.
Even then, people don't always listen, they just wait for their turn to speak. So,
once again, our feelings go unacknowledged, unrecognized, and unchecked.
Historically, many of us were actually discouraged from expressing our feelings
growing up. Whether you want to blame toxic masculinity for it, which urged boys to never
show any emotion, but just pretend to have answers, and act like you know
what you're doing, never cry, and God forbid, don't you dare giggle like a little girl!
But, women were also raised to hide their pain and anger, for example,
because it wasn't "lady-like," so they went through life resilient but silent.
Until, at some point, they have had enough, so the pendulum swung in the other direction,
and parents started raising their kids to cry when they want to cry
and scream when they want to scream. So now we have an entire generation of people
who freely express how they feel, but without actually knowing how to explain their feelings.
Without proper understanding of what's going on with us, we just act out, and everyone
understands a tantrum because we are all on the verge of throwing one ourselves.
Luckily, it's not all bad news. There is a somewhat new path to self-awareness
available from the Yale University Center for Emotional Intelligence. They offer a free
mobile notification that asks, "How are you feeling right now?" accompanied by a
long list of emotions to select from. You log your emotional state every day or twice a day,
so that over time you learn to regulate your feelings in healthier ways.
You are prompted to note factors like your sleep quality, location, weather, and
who is with you. There are informative one-minute videos for you to watch,
as well as helpful tips, articles, and more...
The reason we need to get better acquainted with how we feel is because I've noticed that
whenever I'm in a good mood, I am joyous even if the weather is funky or if there's a
long line at the grocery store. But, when I'm in a bad mood... oh boy...
I roll my eyes if there is even only one person in front of me at the store,
or if someone is in "my way" on the freeway. It's ridiculous!
When I'm happy I find myself smiling for no reason, even amidst challenges,
while a bad mood usually leads to seemingly endless trivial irritations.
Realizing this, we can learn to take responsibility for our behavior,
recognizing that external circumstances don't determine our happiness.
Nobody in the world but me is responsible for my state of mind, and the moment I stopped
blaming others for my suffering, was the moment I found freedom and bliss.
By keeping a journal of your feelings, you notice patterns that influence your
emotional responses. For instance, I have experienced my mood improve with
consistent meditation, exercise, and drinking enough water, but my mood tanks if I
don't get sufficient rest or when I eat poorly and constantly complain.
All of these things are within my control.
So, understanding our own patterns allows us to focus on the entirety of our
holistic experience, rather than fixating on just the positive or the negative.
I am personally a very visual person, so seeing the automatically generated graphs
and charts within a few weeks while using the App is extremely helpful,
depicting how often I am calm and relaxed versus stressed and drained.
The How We Feel Project responsible for the App is a non-profit organization with which
I am not affiliated in any way whatsoever, except I use the App myself.
It's called How We Feel and it has a little heart icon when you look for it.
So, next time someone wonders how you are feeling, first of all, determine whether the
situation only requires a vague response, such as a casual chat with a cashier at the
store, or if it's okay for you to ask, "Do you really want to know how I feel?"
"Because I just took inventory of my feelings and I know exactly where I stand."
Mostly, the App is there for you to better understand yourself. And since we are all
battling similar demons, you will have more compassion for people who are all
experiencing a multitude of feelings without necessarily knowing how to juggle them all.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏