1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:04,409 This podcast is intended for mature audiences only and may contain 2 00:00:04,409 --> 00:00:06,050 content that could be triggering. 3 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,180 Please listen with discretion. 4 00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:14,330 After a year and a half at Gateway Farm for Girls, Stephanie was sent home. 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:18,769 No therapy, no transition plan, no support. 6 00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:24,270 Before she arrived at the school, she had already endured unimaginable trauma. 7 00:00:24,979 --> 00:00:29,700 Including beatings and repeated rapes, but none of that was addressed. 8 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:35,510 Her parents, trusting a program that didn't use licensed therapists or 9 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,059 doctors, believed what they were told. 10 00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:40,120 Stephanie was healed. 11 00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:42,049 Her demons were gone. 12 00:00:42,379 --> 00:00:47,460 She was saved, redeemed, and now she was expected to step fully into her 13 00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,760 godly duty as a preacher's daughter. 14 00:00:50,165 --> 00:00:53,885 Um, I was so excited to see my grandparents and pop up. 15 00:00:53,955 --> 00:00:54,695 Yeah. 16 00:00:54,695 --> 00:00:59,074 And so I remember them coming over, they were so happy to see me. 17 00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:02,855 Um, there's a picture with me actually with them on the couch, you know? 18 00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,345 So it's like, I'm back. 19 00:01:04,705 --> 00:01:07,595 because I was good enough, which that felt nice. 20 00:01:08,075 --> 00:01:11,275 And then all of a sudden you're like, but it's on the condition of 21 00:01:11,285 --> 00:01:14,205 me being a proper Christian girl. 22 00:01:14,614 --> 00:01:16,205 So I could get sent away at any moment. 23 00:01:16,205 --> 00:01:17,205 So there's paranoia. 24 00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:20,384 There was still this sense of like shame. 25 00:01:21,035 --> 00:01:25,544 That I had because I was a bad kid, of course, totally adds up. 26 00:01:25,565 --> 00:01:29,774 So all of a sudden it's like you're 14 and a half. 27 00:01:29,794 --> 00:01:30,914 You're back home. 28 00:01:31,335 --> 00:01:34,535 You're, you've never dealt with anything that's happened throughout 29 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,794 the previous years of your life. 30 00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:39,340 There's shame, there's guilt, there's fear. 31 00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:43,210 I also felt withdrawn too. 32 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,930 And then you can't deal with those because you can't talk about them. 33 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:49,289 You just shove them all down and try to toe the line. 34 00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:55,009 Luckily, I was always aired on the side of being a happier person naturally. 35 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,110 I think that was in my favor. 36 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,950 So I really am thankful. 37 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,670 Very thankful for that. 38 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,420 We ended up moving. 39 00:02:03,730 --> 00:02:04,380 Um. 40 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,080 I don't know, probably about 20, 15, 20 minutes away from where we were 41 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,060 living at that parsonage by the church. 42 00:02:10,350 --> 00:02:14,730 And uh, I think my mom and dad did that because they didn't want me to 43 00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:18,009 be in the same place that they had, you know, they had found me in the 44 00:02:18,009 --> 00:02:21,449 car and they didn't want me to be living in the same place where some 45 00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:23,609 of those problems to them had started. 46 00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:25,010 Were you happy about that? 47 00:02:26,270 --> 00:02:27,180 Um, yeah. 48 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,815 I was, I didn't want to be living there either. 49 00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:33,385 Uh, my dad became a traveling evangelist at that point. 50 00:02:33,395 --> 00:02:35,935 My mom managed a home health agency in town. 51 00:02:36,445 --> 00:02:41,284 Um, so she was the, um, income earner at the time for our household. 52 00:02:41,324 --> 00:02:45,614 So he could do his evangelical ministry and. 53 00:02:45,984 --> 00:02:48,065 I kept doing the ACE program. 54 00:02:48,755 --> 00:02:51,674 So just stayed with the packet program to homeschool. 55 00:02:52,635 --> 00:02:56,714 I didn't realize it at the time, but I was being prepped for my testimony, 56 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,704 um, out of the girl's farm too. 57 00:03:00,399 --> 00:03:06,600 Be the spokesperson for, you know, my dad sometimes, uh, going to churches with him. 58 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:11,229 And we did a little TV show and my testimony prepping was, I was 59 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,940 promiscuous, um, drug addicted. 60 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:17,529 Um, I was having withdrawals, stealing, rebellion, et cetera. 61 00:03:18,049 --> 00:03:19,010 Down the road. 62 00:03:19,405 --> 00:03:21,685 I found out that that was not true. 63 00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:25,585 Like, you know, the drug addiction withdrawal, you know, 64 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,455 I don't even remember stealing. 65 00:03:27,695 --> 00:03:28,405 Honestly. 66 00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:33,515 Like I was going around with my dad giving this testimony about myself that 67 00:03:33,575 --> 00:03:39,995 I didn't even remember, but that had been prepped to tell because, you know, I was 68 00:03:39,995 --> 00:03:42,175 a rebellious teenager in a Christian home. 69 00:03:42,204 --> 00:03:43,454 They sent me away. 70 00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:45,675 I come back, I'm healed, I'm whole. 71 00:03:46,045 --> 00:03:47,665 And I'm a spokesman. 72 00:03:47,935 --> 00:03:50,285 for Spokeswoman, you know, for Jesus now. 73 00:03:50,645 --> 00:03:55,625 So you were actually believing that you were addicted to drugs. 74 00:03:55,865 --> 00:03:56,465 Yes. 75 00:03:56,655 --> 00:04:01,975 My previous experience with drugs before I left home was there was 76 00:04:01,985 --> 00:04:03,824 Freon in an air conditioning tank. 77 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:05,554 This sounds so horrible. 78 00:04:06,264 --> 00:04:07,014 Country kids. 79 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:07,444 Here we are. 80 00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:07,744 Yeah. 81 00:04:07,755 --> 00:04:10,945 Um, um, at the church next door that we live to. 82 00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:16,594 And um, Occasionally, we would go over there and get, you know, huff the Freon, 83 00:04:17,015 --> 00:04:18,805 which obviously is terrible for you. 84 00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:22,845 I remember somebody asking me one time if I wanted to smoke a roach, 85 00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:24,985 and I said, Oh, that's disgusting. 86 00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:25,724 It's a bug. 87 00:04:25,924 --> 00:04:33,846 I had no idea what drugs were, so I had no drug experience really other than huffing. 88 00:04:33,846 --> 00:04:36,208 I believed my parents. 89 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:37,979 And the promiscuity. 90 00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:43,600 Like having to tell testimonies based on things like that, even when you had been 91 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:50,069 raped, not once, not twice, but several times by multiple people, um, it just 92 00:04:50,069 --> 00:04:55,910 starts really messing with your, your mind at the time, you got to remember, I didn't 93 00:04:55,910 --> 00:05:01,260 think I was raped because I was at fault for putting myself in that situation. 94 00:05:01,570 --> 00:05:07,130 There was no way I could ever talk about things in a true way of what happened, you 95 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:13,900 know, I just trusted them because I was out of my mind on drugs according to them. 96 00:05:13,969 --> 00:05:16,150 And plus they built this testimony for me. 97 00:05:16,219 --> 00:05:17,809 So now I was locked into it. 98 00:05:17,929 --> 00:05:20,689 I want to know how these things got into your testimony. 99 00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:23,599 Did you sit down with your dad and he told you what to say? 100 00:05:23,869 --> 00:05:27,489 Well, they just told me this is what I had done. 101 00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:29,620 And so my testimonies were always. 102 00:05:29,755 --> 00:05:30,415 pretty short. 103 00:05:30,425 --> 00:05:32,865 So basically like he was doing most of the talking. 104 00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:36,475 He was the one preaching and then I was there on the side, you 105 00:05:36,475 --> 00:05:41,334 know, just admitting to the fact that, you know, I went through 106 00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,165 these things and now I'm free. 107 00:05:43,365 --> 00:05:45,015 And you're performing for your dad. 108 00:05:45,454 --> 00:05:46,515 Oh, absolutely. 109 00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:48,645 I bought into it at the time. 110 00:05:49,425 --> 00:05:50,545 It was a tension. 111 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:54,500 My dad wanted to promote me in front of people. 112 00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:59,180 He was proud to be with me, you know, um, it was, uh, it 113 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,240 was a good feeling in that way. 114 00:06:01,769 --> 00:06:05,670 I trusted that they knew what they were talking about. 115 00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:08,670 Cause at this point, you know, I'm a good. 116 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,620 Christian girl and I have a testimony and so I'm getting to do things. 117 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:16,120 My dad was proud of me and I did want to hold on to that. 118 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:21,219 I, I felt loved again and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. 119 00:06:21,369 --> 00:06:27,760 So I went with it and we ended up going to Russia on a missions trip. 120 00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:32,249 I believe it was for 10 days and we're supposed to be saving people. 121 00:06:32,489 --> 00:06:33,789 And they didn't prep you for that. 122 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:38,850 No, I didn't know . Were there other kids there or was it just adults and you? 123 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,440 I think it was adults and me. 124 00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:41,940 I was like the youngest one. 125 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,790 So, and they didn't educate you on what you're about to do? 126 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,450 No, other than we are going to, you know, preach the gospel. 127 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:52,170 My dad was so proud of me that I got to go on that trip. 128 00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,790 I was, my dad and I Okay with this other group of, you know, like he 129 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:56,955 had a group of people, you know. 130 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:03,275 To, to minister to people, I, there was a security in that, you know, 131 00:07:03,285 --> 00:07:06,555 feeling, um, like my dad loved me. 132 00:07:06,715 --> 00:07:13,345 Uh, but we went to like a women's prisons and, um, that women's 133 00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:14,895 prison had an orphanage in it. 134 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,965 I mean, these women were having babies and they were taken to the orphanage. 135 00:07:17,975 --> 00:07:19,205 Oh my God. 136 00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:20,405 And so here we are. 137 00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:24,945 with other people that have major trauma, and we weren't talking about it either. 138 00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:26,555 It was just, we were there to minister. 139 00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:30,445 And, but I, I was seeing things that didn't make sense to me. 140 00:07:30,515 --> 00:07:36,340 Um, my world opened up in a way that it's, it, It was eye opening. 141 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,320 I didn't know what to do with that. 142 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:42,590 I got up on stage and spoke to them about my testimony. 143 00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:45,739 It was a lot to take in as a child. 144 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,700 Over the past few months, Stephanie's dad had been sharing 145 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,819 his version of her testimony. 146 00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:55,949 He stood before congregations, sharing Stephanie's story of 147 00:07:56,110 --> 00:08:01,210 redemption, in which she believed, although she was not asked to write. 148 00:08:01,869 --> 00:08:04,530 Then he took her on a mission trip to Russia. 149 00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:08,825 She wasn't prepared, mentally or emotionally. 150 00:08:09,244 --> 00:08:13,335 For the magnitude of this experience, traveling through the Russian countryside, 151 00:08:13,514 --> 00:08:16,194 she watched poverty stretch for miles. 152 00:08:16,474 --> 00:08:19,164 And then, a moment of real fear. 153 00:08:19,594 --> 00:08:21,604 A tense encounter with a local. 154 00:08:22,195 --> 00:08:24,824 A situation that threatens her safety. 155 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:30,055 I was on a train, you know, on the railing, looking out the window. 156 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:37,065 Uh, there were people in the snow, pumping buckets of water out houses. 157 00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:38,685 I had never seen anything like that. 158 00:08:39,044 --> 00:08:43,274 And in that train, there was a guy that was not in our trip. 159 00:08:43,304 --> 00:08:48,315 He was, I guess, a local and came up behind me and put his arms 160 00:08:48,315 --> 00:08:50,125 around me and around the railing. 161 00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,675 So I couldn't, you know, get away from him. 162 00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:54,365 And. 163 00:08:54,870 --> 00:09:00,959 All of a sudden you're just feeling like, Oh my God, I'm in another position and 164 00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:04,140 I'm out here out of my room by myself. 165 00:09:04,609 --> 00:09:05,749 So it's my fault. 166 00:09:06,139 --> 00:09:09,149 I didn't try to yell for help or anything, but luckily somebody came 167 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:15,319 out of the room and um, they, you know, cut that situation very quickly. 168 00:09:15,649 --> 00:09:17,030 Who what, who came out of the room? 169 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:17,859 I don't remember. 170 00:09:18,275 --> 00:09:21,345 It was one of the people, I feel like it was a woman, I can't 171 00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:22,675 remember who was on this trip. 172 00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:26,405 And it was like that relief of like, Oh my God, I didn't cause 173 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,655 another situation in my life. 174 00:09:28,674 --> 00:09:31,685 Uh, cause it would have been my fault because I was standing 175 00:09:31,685 --> 00:09:33,065 there by myself, you know. 176 00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:37,234 I was not equipped to be, be there on the type of trip we were doing. 177 00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:40,895 We didn't do anything to help these people other than preach 178 00:09:40,895 --> 00:09:42,145 to them and dance for them. 179 00:09:42,145 --> 00:09:45,105 There was like a dance team with us, you know, I was like, Oh dear Lord. 180 00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:48,175 And even then, like, I didn't question it. 181 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:52,425 Because, obviously, I needed my dad to still love me and be proud of me. 182 00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:54,525 What kind of a dance team, side note? 183 00:09:55,035 --> 00:09:58,675 Oh my gosh, um, maybe we'll have to also put a little clip of 184 00:09:58,675 --> 00:10:00,844 this so people can understand it. 185 00:10:00,844 --> 00:10:06,375 But a lot of the evangelical churches, non denominational churches, have dance teams. 186 00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:09,134 Like, my sister was on the dance team in our church. 187 00:10:09,495 --> 00:10:10,595 I mean, you're fully clothed. 188 00:10:10,595 --> 00:10:13,495 Literally, like, neck to wrist to ankles. 189 00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:16,415 And very flowy dresses. 190 00:10:16,889 --> 00:10:21,430 And you do these choreographed dances during songs when the 191 00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:23,099 praise and worship is on and stuff. 192 00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,010 I did have conflicting feelings. 193 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,639 There was a sadness that I felt. 194 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,719 It was a sadness that I remember to this day being in that women's prison. 195 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:37,249 And I was like, what can we possibly say that's going to make this better for them? 196 00:10:37,989 --> 00:10:42,380 But because Jesus is this, the be all end all, that's all we got. 197 00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:44,140 So we got to give it to him, right? 198 00:10:44,189 --> 00:10:47,994 Um, I didn't understand what we were doing there and all the money we had spent. 199 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:54,115 And people were still in the places they were when we left. 200 00:10:54,205 --> 00:10:57,235 Um, it's like we weren't really helping people. 201 00:10:57,465 --> 00:11:02,034 When I got back from that trip, I was very sick and ended up 202 00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:04,025 with a pretty severe infection. 203 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,710 But it was just another trauma because now that same infection, oddly enough, 204 00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:10,840 is called idiopathic angioedemia. 205 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:16,349 And when I get really, really stressed or too tired, um, my ear literally 206 00:11:16,349 --> 00:11:18,589 will swell up and split open almost. 207 00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:20,719 Um, and I have to be on steroids and stuff. 208 00:11:20,729 --> 00:11:24,229 So whatever infection I got over there inflicted. 209 00:11:24,564 --> 00:11:30,915 so much trauma to my actual, you know, physical body that it now flares up if, 210 00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:32,945 you know, I'm not taking care of myself. 211 00:11:33,555 --> 00:11:37,935 My mom actually took really good care of me, um, during that. 212 00:11:38,005 --> 00:11:41,245 I think that's when I realized how good her nursing skills were. 213 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:46,175 She was never very Uh, compassionate with pain and stuff like that, I think 214 00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:51,484 because she was a nurse, um, but in this situation, because it was so bad, her 215 00:11:51,485 --> 00:11:53,375 nursing skills came out in full force. 216 00:11:53,384 --> 00:11:56,405 She talked to a doctor and instead of me being in the hospital, um, 217 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:57,775 I was able to stay home with her. 218 00:11:58,525 --> 00:12:01,275 She could administer like, you know, IVs. 219 00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:04,885 She had to do the scrub down on my ear because at this point it looked 220 00:12:04,885 --> 00:12:06,665 like a purple cauliflower on my head. 221 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,975 Um, and then my veins would collapse. 222 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:12,635 And so she would drive me, you know. 223 00:12:12,859 --> 00:12:18,060 Who knows how far away to a pediatric clinic that she knew and 224 00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:20,810 they would, you know, redo my IV. 225 00:12:21,169 --> 00:12:22,610 And finally that happened so much. 226 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:26,319 She's like, Stephanie, she's like, I am going to do this for you. 227 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,589 You have to let me do this. 228 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,969 Cause I did not want her sticking me with a needle. 229 00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,010 Oh man. 230 00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:33,900 I was, I was very freaked out the first time she came at 231 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,290 me with that IV needle, but. 232 00:12:35,660 --> 00:12:39,510 But it was the, the best anyone had ever done. 233 00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:44,920 And she was, um, gentle and caring in that moment in a way that I 234 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,269 had not experienced with her. 235 00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:48,150 So I do. 236 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,569 and a half and for the first time you felt your mom, a maternal 237 00:12:52,569 --> 00:12:53,869 side of her to take care of you. 238 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:56,670 I did feel like that love from her by her care. 239 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,290 And um, so at this point, like I've got a proud dad, I've got a mom 240 00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:05,160 that's actually, you know, keeping me well and out of the hospital. 241 00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:05,865 Hospital. 242 00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:10,445 Um, so, you know, it was a pretty, pretty good time in life. 243 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:11,640 . Mm-hmm . Absolutely. 244 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:12,995 She was an excellent nurse. 245 00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:13,865 That's what's crazy. 246 00:13:13,865 --> 00:13:13,925 Yeah. 247 00:13:13,955 --> 00:13:18,065 She really, she really was good at what she did and I do appreciate the 248 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,865 care she gave me in that timeframe. 249 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,845 It was well, um, well app. 250 00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:24,795 It was definitely appreciated for the first time. 251 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:29,229 Stephanie speaks of her mother being kind to her, a small fleeting 252 00:13:29,229 --> 00:13:33,829 moment before her parents made their next decision, a decision that 253 00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:35,870 would alter the course of her life. 254 00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:41,849 And so shortly after that, you know, they ended up sending me to a church camp. 255 00:13:42,374 --> 00:13:46,194 I think it was more of like a four day, three, four day situation. 256 00:13:46,194 --> 00:13:46,974 Nothing crazy. 257 00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:49,844 I did not fit in with the other teens. 258 00:13:49,964 --> 00:13:55,685 I mean, they, I mean, had lived normal lives in certain ways. 259 00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:58,934 I mean, even just like you think of pop culture and, and I 260 00:13:58,935 --> 00:14:00,304 had missed out on all of that. 261 00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:04,555 And so it's like, I. I, I could not relate to people my age 262 00:14:04,574 --> 00:14:05,734 and I was homeschooled still. 263 00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:08,865 So I was completely isolated from most teens. 264 00:14:08,885 --> 00:14:14,945 Um, already one of the counselors, the teen counselors on this, um, teen camp, 265 00:14:15,215 --> 00:14:23,135 you know, for children, I was 15, he was 25 and ended up taking a liking to me. 266 00:14:23,525 --> 00:14:26,585 I don't think I genuinely liked him. 267 00:14:27,155 --> 00:14:33,015 I think I genuinely liked the idea of the attention that I was getting, and he 268 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:39,045 was older, and so that felt, um, safe. 269 00:14:39,055 --> 00:14:44,790 Um, this was somebody that had some life experience, and It was 270 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:51,970 just mild flirting that he would, you know, do, like, but nothing 271 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:54,520 happened while we were at the camp. 272 00:14:55,119 --> 00:15:03,829 And, um, when I got back from that church camp, it's, uh, you know, presented 273 00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:09,130 my parents with the idea of dating this Christian camp counselor that 274 00:15:09,130 --> 00:15:11,170 was almost 10 years older than I was. 275 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:15,250 They, at first, said absolutely not. 276 00:15:16,235 --> 00:15:20,215 He ended up meeting with them dinner or something and 277 00:15:20,215 --> 00:15:21,975 talking to them by themselves. 278 00:15:22,365 --> 00:15:25,905 I don't know what was happening behind the scenes with that, but 279 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:30,565 I just know I remember being upset because I couldn't date this guy. 280 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:37,494 And, um, so he convinces them to, um, let him date me. 281 00:15:38,264 --> 00:15:38,644 Okay. 282 00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:40,044 So let me get this straight. 283 00:15:40,054 --> 00:15:41,364 So your parents said yes. 284 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,620 And now you're officially allowed to date a 25-year-old. 285 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:46,430 Yes. 286 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,930 Stephanie's story isn't unique. 287 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:53,870 According to the Journal of Adolescent Health in the us, between 2000 288 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:58,220 and 2018, nearly 300,000 minors. 289 00:15:58,310 --> 00:16:02,689 Mostly girls were legally married with some as young as 10. 290 00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:11,300 Most were 16 or 17, married to men on average of four years older as of 2025. 291 00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:17,510 Thirteen states have banned minors from marrying, four permit adolescent marriage, 292 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:23,049 and the remaining states permit underage marriage with various laws in place. 293 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:29,340 In fact, most U. S. states still allow marriage before 18, and the 294 00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:34,010 four states that banned it did so only in the last three years. 295 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,860 How often would they let you see him? 296 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,589 That's the weird thing. 297 00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,729 Also, such a whirlwind. 298 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,400 I don't remember how often I was getting to see him. 299 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,460 It's not like we were going on dinner dates, you know, he was 300 00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:47,800 allowed to come over to the house. 301 00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:48,560 Okay, so. 302 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,690 It was that type of date. 303 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,810 In the living room, you'd sit and watch TV together. 304 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,200 It's not like we'd be in the room alone. 305 00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:55,559 We got to go to church together, you know, things like that. 306 00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:59,384 And at 15 and a half, I was engaged to him. 307 00:16:59,615 --> 00:17:04,355 And then the non consensual sexual acts kind of started. 308 00:17:04,615 --> 00:17:11,194 Shortly after that engagement, um, my dad ended up getting his second church. 309 00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:15,254 And so we ended up moving to Kinder, Louisiana. 310 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:19,984 And although I was engaged to this man in Texas, I was still 15 and a 311 00:17:19,984 --> 00:17:22,214 half, so I had to move with them. 312 00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:26,385 And so I would get to go back and forth sometimes to see him. 313 00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:32,414 And this, um, you know, uh, fiancé would come to visit. 314 00:17:32,945 --> 00:17:37,004 And the abuse at that point had started physically. 315 00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:42,074 He would get very Like verbally angry with me very quick. 316 00:17:42,264 --> 00:17:47,155 Um, but then there was one incident specifically where I was with a friend 317 00:17:47,155 --> 00:17:51,444 from the church and her father in law owned this big like tractor supply company 318 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,285 and I don't know what we were even doing. 319 00:17:54,285 --> 00:17:55,484 I was there with her. 320 00:17:55,495 --> 00:17:59,984 He drove up and I, I, I think I mentioned that I was going to be hanging out 321 00:17:59,985 --> 00:18:01,975 with her, not the answer he wanted. 322 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:08,085 Um, the window on the passenger side door was cracked and I had my hands just, you 323 00:18:08,085 --> 00:18:10,115 know, propped up on it telling him this. 324 00:18:10,525 --> 00:18:14,865 And then the next thing I know he has grabbed my hand and pulled me 325 00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:19,734 through that space until my head slammed onto the side of the car door. 326 00:18:20,545 --> 00:18:22,685 And so I ended up with bruises all over my arm. 327 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,275 I had to get in the car with him. 328 00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:28,985 And we drove away and we're driving down the road. 329 00:18:29,045 --> 00:18:33,175 I would imagine at least 50 miles an hour and he's pulling on the emergency brake. 330 00:18:33,265 --> 00:18:35,685 So we would spin out into the ditch sometimes. 331 00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:43,280 And so all of a sudden I am very afraid of him. 332 00:18:44,149 --> 00:18:48,639 And we are about to get married and I'm too afraid to even say anything because 333 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,629 he has put that fear immediately in me. 334 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:58,039 And all of a sudden we have gone from being engaged to I have an abuser 335 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:02,649 and he has manipulated me up into this point that once that happened, 336 00:19:02,659 --> 00:19:04,679 it's like he had full control. 337 00:19:05,299 --> 00:19:08,069 I was so ill equipped to deal with anything. 338 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:12,650 And it was my fault because later on, my mom told me when I asked her about 339 00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:18,170 it, um, I was dismissed and said, Oh my gosh, you would have been rebellious. 340 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:22,270 And so we just had to say, yes, I just, it's like they never just 341 00:19:22,270 --> 00:19:29,719 wanted to deal with any normal conflicts of just teaching me even. 342 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,440 And I just. 343 00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:34,550 was a nuisance, I think, in their eyes. 344 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:37,400 They just had to just not deal with me, basically. 345 00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:42,310 I always thought something was really wrong with me, and there was. 346 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:43,100 I was broken. 347 00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:50,909 I remember my dad had to have sent something at one point because before 348 00:19:51,769 --> 00:19:59,770 we got married, He sat me down one time and he said, sweetie, if there's 349 00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:02,859 anything going on, you want to talk to me about, or if you don't want 350 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:05,659 to get married, it doesn't matter what amount of money we've spent. 351 00:20:06,569 --> 00:20:08,209 All you have to do is say the word. 352 00:20:08,389 --> 00:20:13,129 It's the only time he's ever talked to me like that because at that point, now 353 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:19,300 I'm scared of this other man in my life and I've never had my dad even give me 354 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:22,210 that opportunity to speak truthfully. 355 00:20:23,175 --> 00:20:27,945 And I just remember tears rolling down my face in that moment and just. 356 00:20:28,919 --> 00:20:34,679 swallowing so hard and saying, everything is fine. 357 00:20:35,989 --> 00:20:37,290 And he said, okay. 358 00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:43,609 And I just wanted so badly for him to rescue me. 359 00:20:43,649 --> 00:20:44,520 Yes. 360 00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:46,169 And I also didn't want to disappoint him. 361 00:20:47,555 --> 00:20:51,165 And I know that sounds so weird, maybe if you're listening, but in, 362 00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:56,705 in the place that I was in my life, I mean, I had never experienced like 363 00:20:56,705 --> 00:21:00,125 a life outside of the first five years that wasn't full of abuse. 364 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:04,214 And, um, this was the first time in my life that I felt like my 365 00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:09,274 parents were even semi proud of me and to tell them that I was with 366 00:21:09,274 --> 00:21:12,905 a man that was doing these things. 367 00:21:13,045 --> 00:21:16,744 Um, and I had chosen that is how I felt. 368 00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,595 It's like they allowed me. 369 00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:23,820 To date him and get engaged to him because I wanted that. 370 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:27,580 And therefore that was something I chose. 371 00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:33,580 And I did not want to tell my dad that day because I did not want to disappoint him. 372 00:21:34,344 --> 00:21:37,374 Because I just always thought it was my fault. 373 00:21:39,145 --> 00:21:42,635 That marriage, do you think that if you were fun, if you went to a 374 00:21:42,695 --> 00:21:46,634 Girl Scout camp and you met this guy, would they have supported it? 375 00:21:46,695 --> 00:21:50,494 This thing allowed them to say yes to their 15 year old getting married. 376 00:21:51,285 --> 00:21:52,575 Because he was at a religious camp. 377 00:21:52,975 --> 00:21:54,125 So he must be a Christian. 378 00:21:54,415 --> 00:21:55,305 He must be a good man. 379 00:21:55,305 --> 00:21:57,615 I mean, that's the only reason for sure. 380 00:21:57,835 --> 00:22:01,635 But when you're 25 and you're trying to get with a 15 year old, 381 00:22:01,635 --> 00:22:05,435 I feel like there's already a big issue no matter who you are. 382 00:22:05,455 --> 00:22:07,224 What the hell do we know between 15 and 17? 383 00:22:08,755 --> 00:22:12,035 Because in my parents eyes, even though that was the only time they've 384 00:22:12,035 --> 00:22:13,455 ever been like, Yes, come home. 385 00:22:14,255 --> 00:22:14,755 Um. 386 00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,235 Because I was a minor still, technically. 387 00:22:18,235 --> 00:22:23,425 Um, it was still, like, they were the decisions I had made. 388 00:22:24,355 --> 00:22:27,004 And consequence, you know, is with actions. 389 00:22:28,175 --> 00:22:32,624 And I looked back, and I remember the first time feeling angry with my parents. 390 00:22:33,224 --> 00:22:38,160 Like, years and years later, once I had a 15 year old daughter. 391 00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:45,220 I would bar the windows and lock her in her room before I would ever let 392 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:50,100 a 25 year old man propose to her. 393 00:22:50,260 --> 00:22:50,860 Yes. 394 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,990 And my parents, I confronted them about that after I, I really 395 00:22:55,990 --> 00:22:58,140 thought, what the hell, basically. 396 00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:58,620 Like, what? 397 00:22:58,620 --> 00:23:00,370 Because you said your dad asked you, are you sure? 398 00:23:00,530 --> 00:23:01,680 Yeah, yeah. 399 00:23:01,810 --> 00:23:02,520 You're 15. 400 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,070 I was scared to death to say no. 401 00:23:04,110 --> 00:23:09,520 I mean, like, it was like, I was just Always trying to escape anyway, so Even 402 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,690 if it was into the lion's den Because when I confronted my parents my mom 403 00:23:13,690 --> 00:23:19,310 said oh You would have been Rebellious and so we didn't want to deal with that 404 00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:20,710 because you were gonna have your way. 405 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,709 Yeah And in my mind, I was like, why? 406 00:23:25,409 --> 00:23:26,419 Let me be rebellious. 407 00:23:26,549 --> 00:23:27,899 Let me kick and scream. 408 00:23:28,329 --> 00:23:30,149 You were my fucking parents, right? 409 00:23:30,969 --> 00:23:32,839 So you were supposed to protect me. 410 00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:37,085 You were supposed to say no And instead you signed the papers over to one of the 411 00:23:37,095 --> 00:23:39,425 worst physical abusers I had in my life. 412 00:23:41,445 --> 00:23:48,864 I don't feel sorry for myself as an adult, but I feel sorry for that child. 413 00:23:50,084 --> 00:23:54,254 Like, and you can't ask yourself these questions, but 414 00:23:54,254 --> 00:23:55,784 you also can't help it either. 415 00:23:55,784 --> 00:24:01,834 It's like, what could she have been with some love and some acceptance 416 00:24:01,834 --> 00:24:03,884 and some proper skills, you know? 417 00:24:04,514 --> 00:24:05,054 Um. 418 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,739 What could she have accomplished? 419 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:11,879 And I feel like I was robbed of all of that, and it's 420 00:24:11,889 --> 00:24:13,919 something I will never get back. 421 00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:22,669 And I don't live in that thought process, but it still makes me feel sad for that 422 00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:25,970 part of myself at that time in my life. 423 00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:33,409 Um, we have to, we have to shed, we have to shed the fear. 424 00:24:33,764 --> 00:24:36,455 of keeping things, I think, to ourselves sometimes. 425 00:24:37,004 --> 00:24:38,584 And we have to be empowered. 426 00:24:39,655 --> 00:24:44,495 And that way we can empower others, you know, a lot of times you feel alone. 427 00:24:44,745 --> 00:24:45,185 Yeah. 428 00:24:45,675 --> 00:24:48,675 It just takes one person saying something that resonates with 429 00:24:48,675 --> 00:24:50,274 you to realize you're not alone. 430 00:24:50,335 --> 00:24:54,504 And that is the start of empowerment and your own process of healing. 431 00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:00,590 With that letter that you let me read on the plane, um, that you wrote to 432 00:25:00,590 --> 00:25:05,190 your 13 and a half year old self, would you mind sharing that letter with us? 433 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,680 Yeah, I can definitely share that letter with you. 434 00:25:07,860 --> 00:25:11,900 Um, this was, um, my letter to 13 year old Stephanie. 435 00:25:12,569 --> 00:25:15,579 Uh, when I first started therapy, it's one of the assignments my 436 00:25:15,579 --> 00:25:17,630 therapist had me do at first. 437 00:25:17,770 --> 00:25:19,830 And honestly, I'd never been in therapy. 438 00:25:19,830 --> 00:25:23,569 So as a 40 something year old, I thought this is ridiculous. 439 00:25:23,590 --> 00:25:29,840 But I understand, um, the significance of it now, and reading back through it now 440 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:33,240 is even different than when I first wrote it, the feelings that it gives me, so. 441 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,440 So buckle up, girl. 442 00:25:35,709 --> 00:25:37,580 You've got some tough times ahead. 443 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:42,790 Your need to please others, be loved, be liked, etc. are really not your fault. 444 00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:45,909 Your parents are wrapped up in their own life as pastors, so they 445 00:25:45,909 --> 00:25:48,819 fell short being good parents. 446 00:25:49,380 --> 00:25:52,340 When they should have loved you and tried to understand your 447 00:25:52,340 --> 00:25:55,020 pain is when they discarded you. 448 00:25:55,810 --> 00:26:00,719 That shit hurts for a lifetime But you'll never realize how bad until you're older. 449 00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:05,540 You sought this out and other people, but unfortunately They are unhealthy 450 00:26:05,589 --> 00:26:10,180 and will hurt you as well Don't get discouraged because there is something 451 00:26:10,190 --> 00:26:11,830 in you that will keep fighting. 452 00:26:12,390 --> 00:26:17,290 You'll never give up even though it always seems to get worse 13 is a 453 00:26:17,300 --> 00:26:21,410 hell of a turning point You are trying to gain some sort of independence 454 00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:25,290 and normalcy because you have had no guidance headed into your teens. 455 00:26:25,950 --> 00:26:29,280 You tried cutting and starving yourself, but you felt nothing. 456 00:26:29,789 --> 00:26:33,159 You already feel like you're never good enough, so why not seek it 457 00:26:33,179 --> 00:26:35,520 out from others, another source? 458 00:26:36,290 --> 00:26:39,670 You've been homeschooled and kept from social norms and friends. 459 00:26:40,199 --> 00:26:43,830 You've never even had sex education or been told anything other than 460 00:26:43,830 --> 00:26:45,389 don't do it until you're married. 461 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:50,850 You are really headed into the unknown with no map or tools or guidance. 462 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:57,579 The people you meet to fill that void are not the right people, but you 463 00:26:57,589 --> 00:27:01,569 felt like there was no other option because you were literally trapped. 464 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,179 You felt the need to escape. 465 00:27:04,979 --> 00:27:07,309 These new people are not your friends. 466 00:27:07,605 --> 00:27:12,325 But because you have no reference point for friends, you fall victim to rape 467 00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:14,435 and older men taking advantage of you. 468 00:27:15,325 --> 00:27:18,515 You felt important even though it wasn't destructive. 469 00:27:18,885 --> 00:27:21,305 But please don't feel bad about what happened. 470 00:27:23,704 --> 00:27:25,075 You are a child. 471 00:27:27,265 --> 00:27:28,194 Once again. 472 00:27:29,350 --> 00:27:32,310 These were adults that should have protected a child, 473 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,980 but that is not your fault. 474 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,060 You're sent away for almost two years. 475 00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:39,699 Of course you feel abandoned. 476 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,689 But also some relief at times. 477 00:27:42,870 --> 00:27:46,480 You have friends, consistency, and there's no physical abuse. 478 00:27:47,049 --> 00:27:48,340 It's at least safe. 479 00:27:49,590 --> 00:27:52,300 They're going to mess with your head, but you're strong enough 480 00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,199 to not get too fucked up by that. 481 00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,199 Um, you also will realize you're gay. 482 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,490 But don't even know what that means and you'll bury it deep because you don't 483 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:09,340 want to go to hell or get in trouble. 484 00:28:10,530 --> 00:28:16,215 You're never going to have a Quote, normal life, and that sucks. 485 00:28:16,375 --> 00:28:17,635 It really sucks. 486 00:28:18,515 --> 00:28:26,235 You want, sorry, you would have been so capable of anything if you 487 00:28:26,235 --> 00:28:28,185 would have had love and guidance. 488 00:28:29,065 --> 00:28:33,975 You were vibrant, musically gifted, smart, and had so much love to give. 489 00:28:35,155 --> 00:28:39,655 You were creative, but no one ever showed you how to cultivate any of that. 490 00:28:40,190 --> 00:28:44,670 Remember, you were just a kid and had already gone through abuse, rape, 491 00:28:44,690 --> 00:28:46,790 rejection, and cult like religion. 492 00:28:46,790 --> 00:28:53,390 Your uncle fucked with your head too, and it got confusing because 493 00:28:53,390 --> 00:28:55,389 he was another adult in your life. 494 00:28:56,020 --> 00:28:58,280 There was no one you could ever talk to. 495 00:28:58,339 --> 00:28:59,620 No one was safe. 496 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,500 I don't even know how you made it this far. 497 00:29:05,785 --> 00:29:09,375 It was a lifetime of hurt and such a pivotal point in your life. 498 00:29:09,535 --> 00:29:15,345 One day you'll have to forgive yourself for not knowing how to self preserve. 499 00:29:16,135 --> 00:29:21,955 It's going to be in your 40s before you even realize how much 500 00:29:21,955 --> 00:29:26,025 pain you've buried and how much help you need to dig out of it. 501 00:29:27,075 --> 00:29:32,795 Just know that with all the mistakes yet to come, you are a fighter. 502 00:29:33,215 --> 00:29:36,445 For some reason there is something in you that's so strong and 503 00:29:36,445 --> 00:29:38,435 wants so badly to do good. 504 00:29:38,905 --> 00:29:39,975 You are good. 505 00:29:40,475 --> 00:29:45,125 You are full of amazing qualities and later in life others will see it too. 506 00:29:45,325 --> 00:29:48,105 And you'll be surrounded by true love and friendship. 507 00:29:48,765 --> 00:29:51,475 The only thing you'll have to figure out is how to believe 508 00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:53,205 these things about yourself. 509 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,945 Even now I can't seem to grasp. 510 00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:57,980 That I am worthy of a good life. 511 00:29:58,480 --> 00:29:59,980 Believe in yourself though. 512 00:30:00,050 --> 00:30:05,850 Because future you is going to figure it out and eventually, I'm sure of that. 513 00:30:06,610 --> 00:30:09,650 Future you is so thankful you never gave up. 514 00:30:12,590 --> 00:30:13,590 Thank you, Stephanie. 515 00:30:15,350 --> 00:30:17,690 Next time on Just One Person. 516 00:30:18,580 --> 00:30:21,320 That song I sang called Monsters Out of Men. 517 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,760 It's about him strangling me and spitting on me and everything. 518 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,620 One of my exes, my first one. 519 00:30:29,370 --> 00:30:31,790 He was the child bride guy. 520 00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:33,799 I was 16. 521 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:33,940 Yeah. 522 00:30:35,220 --> 00:30:38,180 The courses I've made monsters out of men. 523 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,080 It's like a play on words because that is how I felt. 524 00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:44,240 I thought that it was always my fault. 525 00:30:46,855 --> 00:30:52,255 Listen to just one person on Spotify, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your 526 00:30:52,265 --> 00:30:56,215 podcast, visit just one person podcast. 527 00:30:56,245 --> 00:30:58,195 com for more information. 528 00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:03,335 If you enjoy this podcast, please share it with a friend and follow us on 529 00:31:03,365 --> 00:31:06,175 Instagram at just one person podcast. 530 00:31:07,685 --> 00:31:12,415 If you or someone you know is affected by abuse or is in need of support, 531 00:31:12,915 --> 00:31:16,615 resources are available, and we have listed them in the episode. 532 00:31:16,635 --> 00:31:22,275 Episode notes or you can call the Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline. 533 00:31:22,655 --> 00:31:27,815 It's 1 804 a child available 24 7. 534 00:31:28,165 --> 00:31:34,465 You can also text four dash Hope 2 7 4 1 dash 7 4 1. 535 00:31:36,235 --> 00:31:41,785 Just one person is produced by J one P Productions executive produced by me, Lisa 536 00:31:41,785 --> 00:31:44,455 Bloom, lead producer and story editor. 537 00:31:44,485 --> 00:31:48,285 Carrie Caulfield Sound designed by Alejandro Rome. 538 00:31:48,435 --> 00:31:52,305 As a special thanks to voice actor Scott McKinley portraying 539 00:31:52,305 --> 00:31:56,325 Stephanie's dad, our heartfelt thank you to Stephanie's partner, Melissa 540 00:31:56,325 --> 00:32:00,945 Weaver, and my wife Julie Leski for being a part of the podcast team. 541 00:32:01,185 --> 00:32:05,775 Also to Stephanie's three close friends, Krista on Elisa and Beck 542 00:32:06,075 --> 00:32:07,875 for participating in this series. 543 00:32:08,175 --> 00:32:12,555 Music for this podcast is from Epidemic Sound and Sounds Stripe 544 00:32:12,825 --> 00:32:16,845 original music recorded and performed by our First Season's guest. 545 00:32:17,125 --> 00:32:19,925 Stephanie Michele and the Michele Michele Band.