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Andy: This is The Secure Family Podcast.

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Welcome friend, I'm Andy, the host
and founder of The Secure Dad.

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This show is about empowering parents
to protect themselves and their family.

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I believe that security is the
foundation of happiness, and I want

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your family to be safe and happy.

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The information that I share
on this podcast is for general

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information purposes only.

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My goal is to empower you to
make safer decisions for yourself

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and for your family because our
safety is our own responsibility.

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Today I'm going to share a very personal
story that will help you keep your

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kids safe in the water this summer
and for the rest of their lives.

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All of that and more coming up
on The Secure Family Podcast.

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The problem is getting worse.

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The amount of personal information
that data brokers are collecting

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on you and me is growing.

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There are more details, more individual
pieces, and more access than ever before.

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Rob Shavell, the CEO of DeleteMe,
just told the Wall Street Journal

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than in 2023, they'd find about
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Well, that's bad enough, but today in 2025
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It's doubled and it's only getting worse.

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Being on the water, whether it's the
pool, the ocean, or a lake, is supposed

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to be a fun time, and it's supposed
to be enjoyable with our family.

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Of course, as parents, we are always
worried about our children getting into

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trouble, and that's understandable.

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But today I wanna focus on the worst
case scenario and what that really

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looks like, so that if we see anything
that looks like one of our kids might

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be in trouble, we know exactly what
to look for and exactly what to do.

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Today, I'm gonna share a story
that I've never told before.

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And after thinking about it for a few
years, I decided to put my discomfort

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aside for the greater good of educating
parents, which is my life's mission.

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But before we get there, I want to share
one of the greatest safety tips that

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I ever learned, and that is drowning
doesn't look like it does on tv.

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This came from an article
written by Mario Vittone.

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Mario is retired from the Coast Guard
and wrote this outstanding article titled

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Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning.

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Mario writes that most people expect
drowning to be loud and dramatic

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with flailing arms and yelling.

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In reality, drowning is often silent.

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And subtle, you have to
be watching to see it.

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Victims can't call for help or wave
because their body instinctively

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focuses on trying to breathe
and staying above the water.

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People go internal during this time.

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Often drowning children are
within yards of adults who don't

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recognize the distress signals.

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And today I'm going to talk
to you about all of this.

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So here are a few signs that a person,
child or adult, is in danger of drowning.

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Their head is low with the water,
with their mouth at water level.

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Their head is tilted back
with their mouth open.

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Their eyes might be glassy or closed.

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They have a vertical body positioned
with little or no leg movement.

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There's gonna be gasping or
hyperventilating instead of yelling.

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That's why we can't yell, because we're
trying to breathe, attempting to swim,

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but they're just not making any progress.

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They might try to roll over on their back,
and they also will appear to climb what

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they call the invisible ladder, which is
just this instinctive drowning response.

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And then the last one is silence.

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There's not gonna be any calling
for help or crazy splashing.

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So I read this article in about
2018 or so, and I was so impressed

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with it that I reached out to
Mario to be a guest on the podcast.

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And until very recently, he was the
only person to ever turn me down.

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But I always remembered his
wisdom and I appreciated his

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professional correspondence with me.

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Now, the next part of this is
actually very hard to talk about.

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In fact, it took me two years
to even tell my wife about it.

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And while I am very uncomfortable
talking about it, I know the

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story will stick with you and
hopefully help your kids stay safe.

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One summer afternoon, my family met at
the lake with a large group of other

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families for a fun day out on the water.

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Now, since this was a lake, some of
the kids were afraid of jumping off

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the dock and swimming where their
feet could not touch the bottom.

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Some are also afraid that a fish might
touch them, and that's fair enough.

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So I planned on being out there with
them and keeping an eye on them.

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There were a lot of other parents
around, most of 'em on the dock.

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Some were playing with their kids
and other part of the, the lake.

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So I was certainly not on my own, But
floating at a pool noodle and getting

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splashed with lake water really isn't
my idea of a peaceful afternoon.

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But there I was.

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All of the elementary aged kids that
I was watching were doing great.

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They had no issues.

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There were some younger kids who were out
there, but their parents were keeping a

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close eye on them, which I appreciate.

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I am sure some of the other parents
were thinking I was being too much

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of a safety spaz being out there
with the kids, but that is who I am.

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At one point I noticed that
one of the preschool boys was

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out in an area on his own.

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So far he had been within arm's
reach of his mom, so seeing him

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out there by himself was unusual.

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He was wearing a floaty vest that
kept him above water really, really

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well, and he was swimming around
the back of a very large float.

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This float was the size of a pontoon boat.

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It was just massive.

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I think there were like
half a dozen people on it.

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It was tied to the dock, so
it wasn't going anywhere.

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It was just a place for
people to sit, relax, and the

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boy's mom was on that float.

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The kid that we're gonna call
Jake in the story has no fear.

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As people say, he's just all
boy fearless to the point of

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getting hurt seemingly every day.

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And I noticed after a few moments
that he was still on his own.

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So I decided to float over to him slowly.

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I didn't wanna approach him
real quick or you know, pepper

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him with a bunch of questions.

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When I got to him, he stated that
he wanted to try to climb back

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onto the large float, but he was
at the tallest point of the float.

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Nobody was gonna get back onto the spot
and no one else could see that he was

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trying to get up there because they
couldn't look down and see where he was.

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So as I floated next to him, I asked
him what he was up to, and a very calm

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demeanor that was, you know, just super
friendly and not confrontational at all.

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But being a preschooler, he wasn't
as verbal as the other kids.

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And he let me know that he was just
not interested in my help and that

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he was just gonna do this on his own.

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So I stayed with him for a little
bit longer and finally convinced

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him to go back around to the side
where the other adults could get him.

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Once he moved away, I moved back
out to the kids that I was watching.

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I don't know if he broke away from his mom
in a busy moment or she was okay with him

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being out there, but at any point I felt
like it was best for him just to go back

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around there where they could get him.

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A few moments later, I got
a really heavy feeling.

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Something wasn't right.

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My intuition was prodding
me to check the entire area.

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So when I say that you need
to listen to that little voice

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inside you, I really mean it.

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So as I was looking around,
I finally spotted him.

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Now he was back in that same spot
where I had floated over and talked

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to him the same spot where he was
trying to get back up onto the float

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at the absolute worst place possible.

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But all I could see of him was his feet.

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Jake's entire upper body was underwater,
and from the angle of his feet, I

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could tell that he was upside down.

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His feet were barely
visible above the water.

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His foot had actually gotten
tangled in the thin rope that

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ran the edge of the giant float.

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He was stuck in a very bad position.

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Immediately I swam to him
without hesitation or panic.

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When I arrived, I could tell that
his foot was caught in the rope and

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that he was unable to right himself.

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He was really stuck.

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His upper body was underwater.

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And trapped under the float.

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The floaty vest that he was
wearing was actually pinning

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him to the bottom of the float.

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The this device that was made to save
his life was actually now working against

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him with his foot tangled in the rope.

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He couldn't overcome the force of the
vest or swim to another spot to get out.

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He was pinned to the bottom of the float.

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He was pinned to the bottom of
the float, silently drowning.

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Just a few feet away from his mom.

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The first thing that I did
was I unentangled his foot.

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I reached underwater and found
his floaty vest and pulled him up.

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What I didn't realize at the time and,
and what I saw in that moment, but I

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couldn't just cognitively understand,
was that he was holding his head

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up when I pulled him out of water.

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And this is a very good sign because
that means that he was conscious

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and that he hadn't been there
underwater long enough to asphyxiate.

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Also, and this was disturbing.

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His eyes were wide open.

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I think the entire time he
was trapped under the float.

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His eyes were open looking for a way out.

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And I cannot explain, and for
reasons unknown to me, his

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eyes were completely black.

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There was no pupil.

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There was no iris.

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The, there was no white in his
eye like we're used to seeing.

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It was just solid black, kind
of like something that you

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would see in a horror movie.

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I called his name and I started talking
to him and I immediately started checking

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him out, and then his body just ejected
all of the water out of his system.

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It came out of his nose, his mouth,
and I swear it came out of his ears.

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There was this massive amount of
water that just flowed out of him.

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His body was just clearing it out,
which is again, another very good sign.

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And when he had ejected the water, he
had closed his eyes, and when he opened

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them back up, he inhaled the deepest
breath of his life and his eyes returned

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to normal and he started coughing.

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He looked at me in extreme confusion,
but he was breathing and he was moving.

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He wasn't panicking, and
he started blinking a lot.

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It actually started to pull away from me
just like he wanted to continue swimming.

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So I held onto that floaty jacket
for about another minute or so.

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And about that time, his dad came around
the corner walking on the dock and he

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said that he'd been looking for Jake
and that it was time to go fix lunch.

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And I looked up at the dad and I
said, "Yeah, he needs to get outta

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the water." Then I handed him up to
his dad and they walked toward the

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house to get ready for lunch, and he
had no idea what had just taken place.

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I will explain more about this in
a minute, but I didn't know what

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to say or to do at that point.

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So knowing that he was okay in
walking, he was breathing, no CPR was

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required, so I just floated back to
the group of elementary kids that I was

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watching and continued on with my day.

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I watched Jake for the rest of the
afternoon run around like a wild man.

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He ate his weight in Chick-fil-A
Nuggets, and he just laughed with

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all of his preschool friends.

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And thank God he was completely fine.

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In retrospect, I realized that
his foot being caught in the rope

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may have really been a blessing.

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If he had slipped all the way under the
float, we might not have ever found him,

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and I don't ever think about, you know,
what could have happened because God put

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me in the right place at the right time.

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This was his plan, and I am so very
thankful to have been a part of it.

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Also, let me say that
Jake has good parents.

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This was a random, odd situation
that I never would've thought

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of unless I hadn't seen it.

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And this goes back to my
conversation that I had with Gonzalo

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Senotian, uh, with Combat MF.

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I had him on the show
just before this happened.

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And so when we talked, the big point
that he wanted to drive home was that

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kids being unsupervised in the pool was
one of the greatest threats to our kids.

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And he's right.

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I reached out to him after this
event and we chatted about it and he

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helped me realize the, the gravity of
the situation that I hadn't really.

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grasped yet.

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Immediately after the event, I just
knew that he was in trouble and I

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had done what needed to be done.

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That's the protector parent stuff
that is second nature to me.

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I didn't fully realize that I had saved
this child from drowning until the next

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day when I was messaging with Gonzalo.

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I just did exactly what I knew needed
to be done and I didn't know what to

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think about it after it was all over.

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There was a time for a while when I
would close my eyes at night and I

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would just see his feet in the water.

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While the situation had wonderful
results, it still bothered me.

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It took me two years to even tell my
wife, and she was there when it happened,

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And I also teared up when I told her.

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I just didn't know what to say, so
I just told myself that I did what

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needed to be done and that was it.

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And even now I don't want you to think
that I'm telling you the story because

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I want some sort of credit for it.

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I don't want that at all.

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So if we ever chat, please
don't bring this up.

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A year after the event with Jake, I was at
the lake with some friends and their sons.

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And I jumped off the back of a
friend's boat and lost the life

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00:14:48,570 --> 00:14:50,130
jacket that I was holding onto.

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And so for a brief moment, I was
underwater and I started to panic.

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And in that brown water, I
could see the sun shining.

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00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,900
And I noticed how I wasn't
swimming like I knew to do.

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00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:08,340
And all I could think of
was Jake in that moment.

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In that moment, I understood
his point of view.

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Drowning was really quiet
and it's very personal.

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00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:21,450
Obviously I got back up to the water
and got to the life vest, but it was

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00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:26,400
just this, this moment of understanding
of, oh yeah, I see what it's like.

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00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,290
I know how that feels.

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00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:32,550
And it doesn't look or feel like
we think it's going to, it doesn't

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00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:35,550
look like what we see in the movies.

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00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,120
And at that particular moment when I was
in the water, I jumped off the back of

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the boat so I wouldn't splash anybody.

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00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:45,630
And nobody had seen me enter the water
and nobody knew that I was under there.

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00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:53,070
But again, I came up pretty quick and it
was just this moment of understanding,

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00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:57,450
understanding what had happened to Jake,
and understanding what Mario had written.

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00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:04,680
So parents, you need to keep an eye on
your kids at the pool or at the beach.

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00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:09,190
You can't scroll on your phone and assume
you'll jump into action Baywatch style

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00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,230
when you hear your kid yell for help.

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00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:14,500
When your kid clearly yells,
I'm drowning, please save me.

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00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:16,720
That's not gonna happen.

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00:16:17,845 --> 00:16:22,225
Their soul will be screaming for
you, but they won't make a sound.

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00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:25,075
You have to watch them.

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00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,745
And honestly, chances are that
they're gonna be yelling, Hey,

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00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:31,735
watch this every 30 seconds anyway,
so you might as well just watch.

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00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:36,190
Mario, if you hear this episode,
thank you so much for your article,

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00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:40,180
and you have an open invitation to
come on the show anytime you want.

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00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,690
Well, that's everything
that I have for today.

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00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:48,040
Thank you, friend for listening.

269
00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:51,780
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00:17:16,975 --> 00:17:21,505
I'm Andy Murphy reminding you that
our safety is our own responsibility,

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00:17:21,865 --> 00:17:23,515
especially on the water.