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Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,

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and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

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Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

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In the next few minutes, by the time I finish recording this, I may end up taking back 

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something that I've been saying for many years and firmly stood by: 

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that I don't miss people, places, or things.

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Allow me to explain why that has been my truth for so long, and how I'm working

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on reconciling something I've recently noticed that might negate my previous point of view.

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The word "Missing" implies that something is, well... missing. That something is not Whole

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or Complete because it lacks a missing component. It's a mindset of deficiency,

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insufficiency, deficit, or scarcity.

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Perhaps you can already understand why after years of centering my attention on the

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abundance in life, on being grateful for what's available rather than focusing on what isn't,

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I've essentially trained myself to not only see every moment and circumstance as whole

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and complete, but to honor it as such; every second of each day is a gift.

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Friendships and relationships are to be treasured while they last.

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Health, youth, everything is so temporary, but that briefest of moments is everything.

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To think of what's lacking or even entertain comparing a moment to some ideal version 

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of it we have in our heads, or a memory of something from the past,

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is to take the present moment for granted. In fact, to not be in it at all.

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So when people ask me if I miss a good friend or relative who has passed away, 

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for example, or even if I miss Hawaii after living there for ten years,

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my answer is always the same: I think of it fondly and I have great memories,

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but I refuse to say my current life is incomplete without it

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or somehow subpar without someone in it.

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Doing so would be dismissive of the gifts in my life today, and I believe taking things

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for granted is our greatest downfall. So, I focus on what and who is in my life,

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and I celebrate each breath rather than spend a moment entertaining the idea

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that my life is somehow incomplete. We believe whatever we tell ourselves, 

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and life would be a real downer if we start believing that it's missing something.

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I'm not cold or insensitive about it, I've just gotten really good at shifting my perspective 

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toward what's in front of me rather than what's behind.

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It took some practice of catching myself every time I compared any moment

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to how much better I thought it "could" be, and just enjoy it for what it is.

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I love my dad, sure. But do I miss him? No.

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I see the blessing of having had one in the first place.

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I would feel like I'm being extremely ungrateful if I wished for things

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to be any different, like being given an inch and then wanting a mile, if that makes sense.

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"Be grateful for what you have and you'll have plenty of it."

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That's been my mantra for a few years.

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Now that I've rationalized it, I'm going to try to take a counter-stance 

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and explain what I've recently noticed and, admittedly, I've even tried to deny.

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Moving away from the last town I was in to where I am now has been an interesting 

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mixture of being in a place that is blissfully rural, close to the mountains and the ocean, 

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in a mostly quiet and devoid of stimulation environment, which for me is ideal.

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It's much colder than I can handle with a smile on my face, since wearing multiple 

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layers or staying indoors with the heat turned on feels extremely confining to me,

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and I'm a bird that does not thrive in a cage.

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But if I'm really honest with myself, I don't think the cold weather here

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has been my biggest challenge.

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You know how some bathrooms have a light bar above the mirror with multiple

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lightbulbs? When people fill each socket with 100-Watt bulb, the bathroom is way too bright

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almost blinding. But when there's only one lightbulb burning at 40 Watts, and the rest of

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them are burnt out, then good luck finding a contact lens should one fall out of your hand.

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I don't have fancy lighting in my bathroom, but in life, I have managed to create the ideal

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balance of time spent indoors and outdoors, eating healthy without obsessing over it,

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not having too many acquaintances or not enough friends, 

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making God a big part of my life, but not so big it alienates people,

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in other words, just the right amount of light.

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In bathroom-lightbulb-terminology, let's just say I've gotten good at having every other 

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lightbulb on the strip turned on, which is perfect. Sometimes when you have such 

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lighting in your bathroom or somewhere in your home and one of the bulbs goes out,

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you don't notice it right away, you just figure it's late at night, that you're half asleep,

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maybe things just seem dimmer because you're in a dream state. 

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Until one day you finally realize that one of the light bulbs that used to shine 

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just enough light to balance things out is no longer shining. And you don't realize it 

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right away, but it makes a huge difference in how well you can see the world.

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This perhaps isn't the greatest metaphor, but I now realize that my biggest obstacle

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living here hasn't been the weather, it's that I moved away from a friend who was a 

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very important source of light in my life.

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So the question I ask myself is: Do I miss her?

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Is that what people mean when they say they miss someone?

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Would I still miss her if I found another source of light? 

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Maybe all I need to do is get better at shifting my focus?

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Keep in mind there is no conclusion to this line of inquiry, I truly don't know.

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I just realized that there's perhaps the possibility of simultaneously 

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being extremely grateful for the gifts in my life, joyous, and even, dare I say, complete,

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while still missing someone or something. 

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It doesn't make sense technically or linguistically, but I'm going to stop saying 

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"I don't miss..." because maybe I do 

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and just haven't found the words with which to express it yet? 

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I have been so adamant that life is not about the glass being half-full or half-empty,

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it's about being grateful to have a glass in the first place. But maybe it's not and either-or

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situation, but the coexistence of all those perspectives at once. 

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Like life, the glass is half-full of water, half-full of air, half-empty of water, 

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half-empty of air, and a complete glass just the same, full of possibilities. 

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The First principle of Buddhist Boot Camp is the opposite of what you know is also true,

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so it should come at no surprise that what I thought I knew is true, the opposite is as well.

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When I say it's safe to trust those who search for the truth but be wary of those who claim

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to have found it, be wary of yourself as well if you cling to your truth too tightly.

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Something might happen one day to show you it wasn't the whole truth 

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and nothing but the truth, it was just one side of it, and there are many.

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May we all live in peace with not knowing. 

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The only thing I know for certain is that I don't know anything for certain. 

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Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless 

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and Buddhist Boot Camp.

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For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

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where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

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watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. 

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We hope you have enjoyed this episode,

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and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

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Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼