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Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,

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and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

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Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

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As a kid, I used to get attached to my toys, my books, and even my clothes.

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I think it's because very few things brought me joy at the time, so if a pair of sweats was

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particularly comfortable, for example, I kept them long after outgrowing them.

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Everything in my room held some deep meaning to me with a backstory,

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intention, or purpose. I even kept knickknacks with which I no longer played because just

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looking at them or holding them in my hand

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 transported me back to fond memories, which is what I was really trying to hoard; 

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it was never about the items themselves, but what they represented.

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In other words, I was attached to the past, which means I was detached from reality.

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When I was 13, I packed a few clothes into a suitcase as if going on vacation for a week,

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flew to the U.S. with my family to see if we might want to live in California someday,

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and we ended up staying in San Francisco for good. I never returned to 

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my childhood bedroom  or saw anything that was in there ever again.

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My dad flew back a few months later to sell, donate, or trash everything that was in the

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house, and I know it sounds devastating, but it was actually liberating.

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I don't think I've grown attached to anything since then. And nowadays, the moment

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I sense an attachment to something developing, I give it away.

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Love and attachment are not the same thing,

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they are the healthy and unhealthy versions of the same thing.

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Learning not to get attached to people is developing the ability to love them

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immensely, not because they will be in your life forever, but because they probably won't.

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My friends joke that I love harder and deeper than anyone they know because I stay

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conscious of the fact that relationships tend to fade, fail, or crumble, and... people die.

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It's the opposite of morbid, which is an unhealthy infatuation with death,

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it's a celebration of life!

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So, when I love, there is no sense of ownership or attachment, just sheer joy from

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getting to share another moment together, and another moment, and another moment,

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not because it will last forever, but because nothing ever does.

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In Buddhism, nonattachment is practiced by training the mind to return to the present

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moment whenever it gets stuck in the past or sprints forward into the future.

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It's like training a puppy to stay beside you when you go for a walk.

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And much like that puppy, your mind can also become your best friend.

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I know people in toxic codependent relationships, and I've also witnessed my

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single friends sabotage what would have otherwise turned into healthy relationships by

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getting so scared of the other person leaving them, they dismiss the feeling of love,

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instead of dismissing the attachment. We must learn to separate the two.

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Nonattachment is ultimately about freedom from suffering.

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Nonattachment makes us adaptable, while attachment makes us inflexible.

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People fear change because they are attached to the way things are.

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That's right: we don't just get attached to 

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things or people, we are often attached to ideas, beliefs, or to life staying a certain way,

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people behaving the way we think they "should," and so on...

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Nonattachment actually lowers our stress levels, while attachment to

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the future fuels anxiety, and attachment to the past is at the root of depression.

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The key to liberation is learning to stop identifying with outcome, 

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which doesn't mean we are indifferent or any less passionate, we simply

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avoid getting attached to the end result.

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Progress often happens very slowly, so we must loosen our grip on

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thinking everything must occur according to our timeline.

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Nonattachment frees us from focusing on that which we cannot control,

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and focus instead on what is possible in the present moment.

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I think of it as a gift of time, energy, and clarity that you give yourself.

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I now feel free to love everything and everyone without the fear of losing them.

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I mean, I'm very much aware that if I don't die first, for example, I will one day receive a

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phone call informing me of my dad passing.

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But that doesn't mean I need to disconnect from him now, nor does it mean

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his death makes the time we have left together any less wonderful.

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On the contrary: I think it makes it greater because we know it won't last.

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Nonattachment makes it easier for us to go through life.

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It's attachment that weighs us down, whereas nonattachment sets us free from being

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tethered to people, places, things, ideologies, judgments, opinions, insecurities, and so on.

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Everything changes, and we only create our 

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own suffering when we refuse to change along with it.

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So, now I think of my childhood bedroom with great fondness, I smile when I think of exes

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and remember friends who have passed, and I am grateful for memories of beautiful places

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I have visited, but with all that being said, my life is not incomplete without them

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because the present moment holds more potential than anything in the past.

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So, don't trip over what's behind you. Stand tall in the present!

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I go back and forth between reading fiction and nonfiction books,

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and while I would typically recommend titles on spirituality, mindfulness, or psychology,

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I recently listened to a novel called The Midnight Library, which I highly recommend

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if you have any regrets whatsoever.

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It was beautifully written and skillfully narrated.

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If you find value in these podcast episodes

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and appreciate them being sponsor-free, it's all thanks to listeners like you supporting

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the podcast with as little as $1/month through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp

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Thank you for making it possible.

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I appreciate you.

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Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless

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and Buddhist Boot Camp.

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For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

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where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

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watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

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We hope you have enjoyed this episode

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and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

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Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏