Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,
and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
As a kid, I used to get attached to my toys, my books, and even my clothes.
I think it's because very few things brought me joy at the time, so if a pair of sweats was
particularly comfortable, for example, I kept them long after outgrowing them.
Everything in my room held some deep meaning to me with a backstory,
intention, or purpose. I even kept knickknacks with which I no longer played because just
looking at them or holding them in my hand
transported me back to fond memories, which is what I was really trying to hoard;
it was never about the items themselves, but what they represented.
In other words, I was attached to the past, which means I was detached from reality.
When I was 13, I packed a few clothes into a suitcase as if going on vacation for a week,
flew to the U.S. with my family to see if we might want to live in California someday,
and we ended up staying in San Francisco for good. I never returned to
my childhood bedroom or saw anything that was in there ever again.
My dad flew back a few months later to sell, donate, or trash everything that was in the
house, and I know it sounds devastating, but it was actually liberating.
I don't think I've grown attached to anything since then. And nowadays, the moment
I sense an attachment to something developing, I give it away.
Love and attachment are not the same thing,
they are the healthy and unhealthy versions of the same thing.
Learning not to get attached to people is developing the ability to love them
immensely, not because they will be in your life forever, but because they probably won't.
My friends joke that I love harder and deeper than anyone they know because I stay
conscious of the fact that relationships tend to fade, fail, or crumble, and... people die.
It's the opposite of morbid, which is an unhealthy infatuation with death,
it's a celebration of life!
So, when I love, there is no sense of ownership or attachment, just sheer joy from
getting to share another moment together, and another moment, and another moment,
not because it will last forever, but because nothing ever does.
In Buddhism, nonattachment is practiced by training the mind to return to the present
moment whenever it gets stuck in the past or sprints forward into the future.
It's like training a puppy to stay beside you when you go for a walk.
And much like that puppy, your mind can also become your best friend.
I know people in toxic codependent relationships, and I've also witnessed my
single friends sabotage what would have otherwise turned into healthy relationships by
getting so scared of the other person leaving them, they dismiss the feeling of love,
instead of dismissing the attachment. We must learn to separate the two.
Nonattachment is ultimately about freedom from suffering.
Nonattachment makes us adaptable, while attachment makes us inflexible.
People fear change because they are attached to the way things are.
That's right: we don't just get attached to
things or people, we are often attached to ideas, beliefs, or to life staying a certain way,
people behaving the way we think they "should," and so on...
Nonattachment actually lowers our stress levels, while attachment to
the future fuels anxiety, and attachment to the past is at the root of depression.
The key to liberation is learning to stop identifying with outcome,
which doesn't mean we are indifferent or any less passionate, we simply
avoid getting attached to the end result.
Progress often happens very slowly, so we must loosen our grip on
thinking everything must occur according to our timeline.
Nonattachment frees us from focusing on that which we cannot control,
and focus instead on what is possible in the present moment.
I think of it as a gift of time, energy, and clarity that you give yourself.
I now feel free to love everything and everyone without the fear of losing them.
I mean, I'm very much aware that if I don't die first, for example, I will one day receive a
phone call informing me of my dad passing.
But that doesn't mean I need to disconnect from him now, nor does it mean
his death makes the time we have left together any less wonderful.
On the contrary: I think it makes it greater because we know it won't last.
Nonattachment makes it easier for us to go through life.
It's attachment that weighs us down, whereas nonattachment sets us free from being
tethered to people, places, things, ideologies, judgments, opinions, insecurities, and so on.
Everything changes, and we only create our
own suffering when we refuse to change along with it.
So, now I think of my childhood bedroom with great fondness, I smile when I think of exes
and remember friends who have passed, and I am grateful for memories of beautiful places
I have visited, but with all that being said, my life is not incomplete without them
because the present moment holds more potential than anything in the past.
So, don't trip over what's behind you. Stand tall in the present!
I go back and forth between reading fiction and nonfiction books,
and while I would typically recommend titles on spirituality, mindfulness, or psychology,
I recently listened to a novel called The Midnight Library, which I highly recommend
if you have any regrets whatsoever.
It was beautifully written and skillfully narrated.
If you find value in these podcast episodes
and appreciate them being sponsor-free, it's all thanks to listeners like you supporting
the podcast with as little as $1/month through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp
Thank you for making it possible.
I appreciate you.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless
and Buddhist Boot Camp.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏