1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,660 What's the best thing about St. Louis? 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:02,300 What should I do? 3 00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:04,000 Nothing, shit, nothing. 4 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,140 Watch your damn back before somebody 5 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,540 Run your ass over, put a bullet in your head. 6 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:10,380 I'm serious. 7 00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:11,460 I am too. 8 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:18,940 Zion, Zoe, Zena, Zen and Zavier. 9 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,040 Five Zs? 10 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,620 Yeah, zzzzuh! 11 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,280 You know what I'm saying? 12 00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:27,520 And then we used to have this thing they called it the candy truck. 13 00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:27,980 Yeah. 14 00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:28,840 You know what I'm saying? 15 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,280 You could go by there, you could take, take a dime. 16 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:32,720 A dime. 17 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,400 A quarter would get you half the fucking truck. 18 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,060 Okay? 19 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:48,560 Unfortunately, if teaching was something that others would care about in meaning of financial reasons, a lot of the teachers that are great in what they do wouldn't leave the profession. 20 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,640 This is majority white over here. 21 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,360 That's why you're going to see the birds. 22 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,220 Because if it wasn't, the birds wouldn't be over here. 23 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,680 If it wasn't, they'd pack their shit and they be gone. 24 00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:02,080 If you're not from St. Louis, you have no business on the north side. 25 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:05,900 Hey everybody. 26 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,780 I just got back from St. Louis, Missouri. 27 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,540 Have you been down to St. Louis? 28 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:12,720 It was my first time there. 29 00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:24,600 I met this wonderfully rich collection of people who I'm so excited to introduce you to in this special on the ground from the street from the backseat chapter of 3 Books. 30 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:34,260 Now on the way from the airport to the hotel, the first guy I met who I don't have a recording with, but he was just like filling me with all the St. Louis trivia. 31 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:39,420 He was like, did you know the Gateway Arch is 630 feet by 630 feet? 32 00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:43,420 Did you know we hosted the Olympics and the World Fair in the same year? 33 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,980 I was like, well, I knew about the World Fair. 34 00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:49,480 He's like most people do, but not everybody realizes we hosted the Olympics too. 35 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,400 1904 was a banner year in St. Louis. 36 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,760 We were the fourth largest city in the US at the time. 37 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:59,280 There's this deep well of pride coming from this guy. 38 00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:06,260 The next day, I had a bit of time to explore, so I went out to look for the Eurasian tree sparrow. 39 00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:11,580 Yes, the Eurasian tree sparrow, which looks like a house sparrow, but has this like little black cheek on it. 40 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:17,260 It's this local bird species that doesn't exist pretty much anywhere else in the whole Western world. 41 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:25,060 Nowhere else other than St. Louis because German immigrants brought six species of birds to St. Louis in 1870. 42 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:42,300 Five of them died that first winter, but the Eurasian tree sparrow, hardy, hardy tree sparrow, actually took hold and from, I think they brought six birds over, it's actually established a foothold in St. Louis, has not disrupted the local ecology, and I really wanted to see it. 43 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:50,060 So, you know, I hailed an Uber and I met Jacqueline who drove a bus in town for 27 years. 44 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:56,380 When I asked her for the best thing about St. Louis, she first said, nothing, watch your back, somebody going to put a bullet in your head. 45 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,760 I mean, that's a direct quote. 46 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,340 That's really what she said. 47 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,040 I was like, what? 48 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:11,820 But it was a raw conversation and we ended up talking about the erosion of community, deprioritizing connection, and how we might find or look for new kinds of support in a disconnected world. 49 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:15,480 Jacqueline said, my family is whoever loves on me. 50 00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:19,340 Blood makes you kin, but it doesn't make you family. 51 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,340 After, with Jacqueline's help, I found the Eurasian tree sparrow. 52 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:37,360 I then hailed another Uber and I met Deneane, a 28-year-old single mother of five, who does drop-off, pickup, and evening solo every day while driving Uber 30 hours a week, working at a cupcake shop, and running a small business online. 53 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:48,800 We went to the Gateway Arch together and Left Bank Books, which is established in 1969, one of the best independent bookstores I've ever been to, and we talked about enduring. 54 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:59,880 That's going to be the theme of her formative book, as you'll hear, how after her mom found bruises all over her body, she left her abusive relationship and found the strength to start over, found the strength to endure. 55 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:13,360 The next morning, I gave the talk that actually sent me down there, and then I got a final ride to the airport from Albano from Albania, who left his job as a public school teacher in Florida to make more than double now as a driver. 56 00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:19,959 Unfortunately, Albano said, if teaching was something others would care about, then teachers wouldn't be leaving the profession. 57 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:25,740 I hope you feel a special kinetic pulse in this chapter. 58 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,620 Listen to the stories from people whose stories aren't often told. 59 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:35,460 Get ready to laugh, to cry, to connect hearts as we tether ourselves to the human connection that exists around us every single day. 60 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:36,600 So are you ready? 61 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:49,760 Let's head down to the backseat of a number of cars in St. Louis and hang out with Jacqueline, Deneane, and Albano as they share the love and connection that we are always searching for here on 3 Books. 62 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:53,940 Let's flip the page into chapter 136 now. 63 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:58,580 I was born here. 64 00:04:58,940 --> 00:05:01,320 In St Louis? What was St. Louis like the year you were born? 65 00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,480 It was more of a community. 66 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,460 Uh-huh. 67 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,320 You know what I'm saying? 68 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,160 People knew each other. 69 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:09,660 Yeah, you knew each other. 70 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,880 You kind of looked out for each other. 71 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:13,920 You know what I'm saying? 72 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:14,640 What neighborhood? 73 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,040 I was born on the west side. 74 00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:17,640 Yeah. 75 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,640 Was that mostly black neighborhood, white neighborhood? 76 00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:20,240 Yeah 77 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,240 Like 90% black? 78 00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,020 100% black. 79 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:24,520 Yeah, yeah. 80 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,120 100% black. 81 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,260 100% black. 82 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,440 And your parents, how'd they end up in St. Louis? 83 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,140 And you know what? 84 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,640 I've never asked that question. 85 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,740 I lost my mom when I was young. 86 00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:36,060 I'm sorry. 87 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,000 So, yeah. 88 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,020 And I lost my dad when I was young, too. 89 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,440 So my grandmother kind of raised me. 90 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:45,020 And I really don't know how they ended 91 00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:49,320 Like, I asked my auntie and them that question, but it's like, I don't know. 92 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,220 We just end up here, so. 93 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:51,720 Yeah. 94 00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:54,060 Turn left on Dale Avenue. 95 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,600 I wish they had ended up some damn where else, because I don't like St. Louis. 96 00:05:58,940 --> 00:05:59,480 Why not? 97 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,100 Because it's, I mean, it's too much here. 98 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,480 It's just too much going on. 99 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:07,020 I mean, and it's stuff going on everywhere you go. 100 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:12,480 But I guess, like, I drove for mass transit for 20-some years. 101 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,920 So I know the city very well. 102 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,160 You drove a bus? 103 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:18,700 I drove mass transit. 104 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,620 Oh, like the streetcar? 105 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:20,940 Yeah. 106 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:21,680 Yeah. 107 00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:22,700 Is it called streetcar? 108 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:23,280 No. 109 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,960 It's called mass transit. 110 00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:25,700 Mass transit. 111 00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:26,420 It's just called mass transit. 112 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,620 But what kind of vehicle is it? 113 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:28,780 This is a Kia. 114 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,760 No, mass transit vehicle. 115 00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,560 A big bus. 116 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:33,380 Oh, it was a bus. 117 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:34,300 It was a bus. 118 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:35,180 A huge bus. 119 00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,500 You drove a bus for 27 years? 120 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:38,440 Wow. 121 00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:40,740 That's wild. 122 00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:42,540 I passed your stop. 123 00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:43,780 I don't care. 124 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:44,540 I like talking to you. 125 00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:46,580 Where are you going now? 126 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,080 I'm going to a house. 127 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:48,560 For real? 128 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:50,140 Because we like... 129 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:50,880 Well, why don't you stay here? 130 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:51,360 I'll call you. 131 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:52,960 I'll just need two minutes here. 132 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,340 I'm supposed to find a bird at a bird feeder. 133 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,220 You what? 134 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,940 I'm finding a bird at a bird feeder. 135 00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:02,970 There's a, there's a bird feeder here. 136 00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:08,670 I'm looking for the Eurasian tree sparrow, which it only exists, it's a bird that only exists in St. Louis. 137 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:09,350 For real? 138 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,610 Yeah, because they released it here in 1870. 139 00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:17,090 But it got eaten everywhere else by the house sparrow, but only persists in this one city pretty much. 140 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:18,490 And in Europe. 141 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:19,150 It's called the... 142 00:07:19,150 --> 00:07:22,410 So you think, you think a bird feeder going to have a bird there? 143 00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:24,230 Well, yeah, they say that they're in the bird feeder. 144 00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,570 Shit, you done made me curious now. 145 00:07:28,810 --> 00:07:29,250 I know. 146 00:07:29,290 --> 00:07:30,830 That's why I said we should talk. 147 00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:32,470 We talking. 148 00:07:33,270 --> 00:07:34,050 We talking. 149 00:07:38,870 --> 00:07:45,290 I love hanging out with you. 150 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,230 So it's safe here? 151 00:07:48,650 --> 00:07:49,250 Yeah, you good. 152 00:07:49,350 --> 00:07:51,630 Cuz you told me half the neighborhoods I gotta be careful in. 153 00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:54,370 So there's a lot of shootings on the streets is what you're saying? 154 00:07:55,090 --> 00:07:56,050 Like every day? 155 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:56,850 Yeah. 156 00:07:58,030 --> 00:07:58,470 Really? 157 00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,030 There's shootings on the street every day? 158 00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:01,790 Every day. 159 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:02,950 It's a killing. 160 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:09,850 You can watch the news and somebody has either died on the north side or the south side. 161 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:15,010 One of these sides, they done killed somebody on. 162 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:16,190 I'm telling you. 163 00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:17,950 I wouldn't lie to you, Neil. 164 00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:21,350 And how many of them are just people walking by, like innocent people? 165 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,450 That ain't too often. 166 00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:30,530 But we had, you know, we have had people to come in town like this volleyball some, this was some years ago. 167 00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,250 In fact, I was still driving a bus. 168 00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:44,510 And she came in in time for a volleyball tournament and the guy robbed her and shot her, killed her on broad daylight. 169 00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,810 Don't complete the trip. 170 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,770 Just drive me around the block a couple times so we can keep talking. 171 00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:52,070 Neil, I ain't got time to talk to you. 172 00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:52,590 Why? 173 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,610 I got somewhere to go. 174 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,370 Where's this bird feeder at? 175 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:56,970 I can't. 176 00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:58,970 It's supposed to be at the address I said. 177 00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,190 You can't find the address? 178 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:02,150 We were here. 179 00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:02,950 This is it. 180 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:04,470 That's it right there. 181 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:09,750 Jacqueline, the bus driver for 27 years in St. Louis. 182 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,570 Born in St. Louis. 183 00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:13,390 Born and raised. 184 00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:14,150 And raised. 185 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:14,950 I just born. 186 00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:15,870 I was raised. 187 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:17,430 And your daddy's from Arkansas. 188 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:18,510 My daddy from Arkansas. 189 00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,230 I'm not sure where my mom's from. 190 00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:21,450 Because she died when you were young. 191 00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:24,170 My dad and my mom died when I was young. 192 00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:27,630 But I don't know how I know where my dad and not my mom. 193 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:28,610 That is so odd. 194 00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,630 That's puzzling to me. 195 00:09:30,630 --> 00:09:33,650 I'm going to have to find out where my mom is born and raised. 196 00:09:34,010 --> 00:09:35,150 But your daddy's not alive. 197 00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:37,110 So who are you going to ask? 198 00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,230 I can ask my sister. 199 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,450 I can ask my aunt. 200 00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:40,790 OK. 201 00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:41,390 OK. 202 00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:42,510 We got to figure this out. 203 00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:45,250 It's right here. 204 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:46,150 Neil where you going 205 00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:47,830 It's supposed to be some bird feeders here. 206 00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:48,490 I'm looking for them. 207 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,590 There's no bird feeders. 208 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:50,890 You put in the wrong address. 209 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:53,470 Who told you this bird feeders was over here? 210 00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:54,130 Well. 211 00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:55,410 This is it right here. 212 00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:55,690 OK. 213 00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:56,770 Well, then I'll get out here. 214 00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,110 It's a safe neighborhood, right? 215 00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:58,770 Yeah, it's cool. 216 00:09:58,910 --> 00:09:59,210 All right. 217 00:09:59,290 --> 00:09:59,670 It's cool. 218 00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:02,430 So we're sitting at the corner of I don't know where we're in. 219 00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:03,870 What neighborhood are we in St. Louis? 220 00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:06,250 You're on the west side. 221 00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:09,450 We're on the west side of St. Louis where the street is empty. 222 00:10:09,630 --> 00:10:10,710 There's nobody on the streets. 223 00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:21,630 The houses are old and they're all detached like clapboard houses with white picket fences and like tattered American flags and like kind of yellowed brushy bushes. 224 00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:27,770 You know, the properties are kind of like it was a majestic neighborhood like 50 years ago. 225 00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:28,990 It still is. 226 00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:29,430 Okay. 227 00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,070 How much of the houses cost here? 228 00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:32,870 You probably can. 229 00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:47,290 These houses probably run you in the upper hundreds like right around 140, 50, 60 and they building it up because you got new houses. 230 00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:52,730 $150,000 is actually would be can be considered like a steal in like Toronto. 231 00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:54,250 Yeah, that's a lot. 232 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,790 Yeah, you can get you can get a lot. 233 00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:08,030 And I heard that you can get a lot more house for your buck here in St. Louis and we have lots of investors calling trying to buy property and stuff. 234 00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:13,750 Like I have I have my father my godfather's house. 235 00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,490 It's worth like a hundred and eighty. 236 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:18,750 Well, I have people calling me like every day for this house. 237 00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:22,290 Yeah, what like every day? 238 00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:24,330 They you ready to sell you ready to sell? 239 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,270 No, I'm not. 240 00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:31,030 Jacqueline is such a bright vibrant beautiful personality. 241 00:11:31,030 --> 00:11:37,110 She's wearing a bright apple red silk tie and her long hair and a bright apple red turtleneck, too. 242 00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:47,210 She tells me she's 59 years old and that she's lost her husband about five years ago after they'd been together for 29 years. 243 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:49,170 Leslie and I have been married for 10. 244 00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:58,550 And so hearing stories of people losing spouses, you know, 20 30 40 years into relationships always, you know, gives me pause and makes me feel. 245 00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:08,110 She says they have two boys a 35 year old named Justin who is a sergeant and a 33 year old named Jamal who's a truck driver as well as two grand boys. 246 00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:11,050 I'm I'm real self-sufficient. 247 00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:12,650 You know what I'm saying? 248 00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:17,310 I'm that I'm that I can get it done kind of woman. 249 00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:18,470 You know what I'm saying? 250 00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:21,670 I don't wait on no man to do nothing for me. 251 00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:25,010 I do it all for myself now. 252 00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:30,150 I would love to have a man to come in my life, but that hasn't happened. 253 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,070 You told me that St. Louis used to feel like a community and now it doesn't so what changed 254 00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:43,130 I think family's changed and what I mean by that 255 00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:47,350 Like I said, you know, you've heard the saying it takes a community. 256 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,570 It takes a village to raise a child. 257 00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:55,310 I think that structure kind of fell apart at some point, you know what I'm saying? 258 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:59,410 And and you get a lot of that don't say nothing to my kids. 259 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:03,910 I mean even in school just the teacher, you know, call you up there. 260 00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:11,450 Oh, she said this to my instead of you know, everybody being in line with you know, what I'm saying? 261 00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:22,630 For this child, you know making education for this child, you know, the mother gets all defensive because you know, it's just it's crazy. 262 00:13:22,950 --> 00:13:24,930 I know you mean the education systems change. 263 00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:31,170 It used to be like we created the schools to take care of each other and to educate each other and then it became this discipline oriented thing. 264 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:41,290 Yeah, that's why it became well, well it became it like because it always been a disciplinary because when we were in school, we got whooped. 265 00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:42,750 I don't know if you that old. 266 00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:46,090 No, no principal was able to whoop us. 267 00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:48,410 The teacher was able to whoop us. 268 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,570 They took that out of school. 269 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:59,570 Like I said, and then if the if the teacher even called a parent up there, it's like she got a hand on her here rolling her head. 270 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,910 I know you ain't touch my son. 271 00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:02,890 You know what I'm saying? 272 00:14:02,890 --> 00:14:11,710 Instead of finding out the the core the root of the problem because somewhere your kid is a little badass. 273 00:14:12,030 --> 00:14:16,630 Okay, but we don't want to do that anymore and that's becoming a huge. 274 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:27,390 So you think the fragility that the the everyone's everyone's to politically correct and everyone's so defensive and people are soft people are soft people are fragile people are fragile. 275 00:14:27,570 --> 00:14:29,730 So that's caused the lack of community. 276 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,410 Community being lost. 277 00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:42,650 There's a lot of books being written about this, you know, The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt our guest in chapter 103 and the book. 278 00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:44,750 I just featured in my book club last month. 279 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:53,670 It talks about the decline of trust in society through the 80s with the advent of the 24-7 news cycle, which I don't know how many of us really appreciate what happened. 280 00:14:53,670 --> 00:15:06,610 But you know, when we started putting news on TV at all hours of the day, we had these increased media reports of kids getting abducted or abused the reports including the sort of creation and use of the phrase stranger danger. 281 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:07,150 Why? 282 00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:15,450 Well, of course in order to attract the attention of our fear-based amygdalas advertising revenue had to be maximized and how do you attract more advertisers? 283 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:16,890 You make people look at the screens more. 284 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,950 How do you make them look at the screens more you put things on the screens that they're naturally afraid of that. 285 00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:28,470 They can't stop looking to because the parts of our brain that are evolved to look for survival at all costs can't stop staring at it. 286 00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:36,610 But this is despite the fact that things have actually never been safer throughout our history books like Enlightenment Now by Harvard psychologist. 287 00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:45,010 Steven Pinker show that the world is safer today than ever before or I mean, this is just me saying these things. 288 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:45,690 I think so. 289 00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:50,410 I could just be off on this, you know, Oxford evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar. 290 00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,590 Our guest in chapter 132 in January of this year. 291 00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:57,790 He does have a model called Dunbar seven pillars of friendship. 292 00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:13,270 So these different ways that humans use as signals for how we know if we can be friends things like language shared upbringing education hobbies humor musical taste in a shared worldview, right? 293 00:16:13,470 --> 00:16:18,570 So these elements of a tribe might be do they look like me talk like me think like me. 294 00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:20,650 So maybe mixing the benefits. 295 00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:40,890 We all intellectually know come from diversity actually temporarily reduces trust because we have to examine whether or not we trust people that don't look like us think like us talk have the same worldview as us as Robin Dunbar would say or maybe it just takes time to learn new ways of connecting and that's okay. 296 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:41,730 That's good. 297 00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:42,170 It's good. 298 00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:42,870 Exactly. 299 00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:43,750 That's okay. 300 00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:45,770 But it's it's up to me. 301 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:53,530 Everybody has to open up open up and be willing to receive like I need to be able to receive your culture. 302 00:16:53,670 --> 00:17:02,050 You be able to see my culture and the next person's culture and who knows what could even become of all any of that, right? 303 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:02,910 You know what I'm saying? 304 00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:03,290 Yes. 305 00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:04,829 I mean I can learn from you. 306 00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:08,089 You can learn exactly I can learn from you. 307 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:09,210 You can learn from me. 308 00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:11,130 That's the whole point of 3 Books. 309 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:11,849 Ultimately. 310 00:17:12,210 --> 00:17:14,950 I mean we start talking about what life was like in st. 311 00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:17,970 Louis and what it's like today. 312 00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:25,050 Jacqueline told me she loved it, but now she doesn't why what's the disconnect today? 313 00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:28,590 That's the huge disconnect. 314 00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:32,450 I think we have now people just don't care. 315 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:36,390 You know what I'm saying back in the 70s. 316 00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:42,270 You have people that cared about not just their people, but other people, you know what I'm saying? 317 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:46,730 When people watch their kids, they watching the neighbor up the street kids. 318 00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:49,230 Like if they see them all baby don't do that. 319 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,030 You know, that's you know, all night. 320 00:17:51,090 --> 00:17:52,130 You can't take her day. 321 00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:53,910 That's surly's daughter. 322 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:54,810 You know what I'm saying? 323 00:17:55,170 --> 00:18:01,050 Now people they'll tell you when they see stuff snitches get stitches. 324 00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,390 Don't nobody won't say nothing. 325 00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:03,210 You know what I'm saying? 326 00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:06,010 People don't care if it doesn't. 327 00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:13,830 If it doesn't resonate to them, if it's not their family, if it's not their loved one, they don't care. 328 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,610 They do not care. 329 00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:20,510 And that's the biggest breakdown in our community. 330 00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:21,630 Wow. 331 00:18:21,710 --> 00:18:36,350 It is, that's the biggest breakdown because that's just like if I'm coming down the street and I know this is this is Mr. Smith house, but I see this strange guy coming out just out of his house with a TV in his hand. 332 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,190 First thing I'm gonna do is get on the phone. 333 00:18:38,430 --> 00:18:40,870 Hey, they don't look like Mr. Smith. 334 00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:43,850 Well, you might just want to come check this out. You know what I'm saying? 335 00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:44,670 Yeah yeah 336 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,910 And a lot of people won't do that. 337 00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:50,390 Yeah, don't want to you know get stitches. 338 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,570 That's what they say snitches get stitches. 339 00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:53,930 Well, give me stitches. 340 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:54,950 You know what I'm saying? 341 00:18:54,970 --> 00:18:56,490 Because if I see it, I'm gonna tell it. 342 00:18:56,490 --> 00:19:02,290 The breakdown of society people aren't outside together anymore. 343 00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,430 We aren't watching our neighbors kids anymore. 344 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,370 We don't know the people outside our own house. 345 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:10,410 I heard Esther Perel say recently a phrase which stuck with me. 346 00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:15,810 It's that we all have a thousand friends these days, but nobody to feed our cats. 347 00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,630 Do you agree with this lack of community? 348 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:20,190 Is it a st. 349 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:20,850 Louis thing? 350 00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:25,530 Are you seeing it where you live to you know, Jacqueline's 59 years old, which means she's born in 1965. 351 00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:30,590 I asked her what it was like growing up in the 60s and 70s. 352 00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:34,690 Paint us the picture of what trust and community looked like back then. 353 00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:41,590 What was it like in West St. Louis in 19 in the 1970s? 354 00:19:41,670 --> 00:19:42,350 Paint us a picture. 355 00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:43,570 I loved it. 356 00:19:43,670 --> 00:19:44,830 I loved it. 357 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:55,470 Well, first of all, my mom had my grandmother had seven girls. 358 00:19:56,390 --> 00:20:01,650 And two boys, she actually had three, but she lost a boy in 64. 359 00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:08,370 So they brought this four-family flat on the west side of st. 360 00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:08,770 Louis. 361 00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:13,310 So imagine that my mom has six kids. 362 00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:16,730 She had a sister that had nine kids. 363 00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,910 She had another sister have four. 364 00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,850 All of us is in this fourth. 365 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:22,810 Oh, wow. 366 00:20:22,990 --> 00:20:24,250 All of us are right here. 367 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:27,050 So it was like it was never a dull moment. 368 00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,970 You were never alone. 369 00:20:29,370 --> 00:20:29,850 Never. 370 00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:36,650 This is first time in my life that I've ever been by myself because I grew up with sisters and brothers. 371 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,330 Then I grew up with a huge family. 372 00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:41,170 So it was family. 373 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,510 It was like a party every day. 374 00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:45,270 Like so what was it? 375 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:48,550 Like you walk home at 3 30 p.m. You walk into your house. 376 00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:50,470 First of all, I'm not by myself. 377 00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:53,470 Remember nothing but kids. 378 00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:56,710 Nothing like it's like a river. 379 00:20:56,890 --> 00:21:00,590 You know, have you ever been on a river and as far as you can see, it's water. 380 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:03,130 That's how it was with these kids. 381 00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:10,310 Like it's like 15 20 kids like kids everywhere and running and playing and you know what I'm saying? 382 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:14,610 And then we we used to have this thing to call they called it the candy truck. 383 00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:15,870 Yeah, you know what I'm saying? 384 00:21:16,050 --> 00:21:16,890 You can go by there. 385 00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:22,470 You got to take a dime a dime a quarter will get you half the fucking truck. 386 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:27,130 Okay, you probably own that truck for a quarter. 387 00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:30,090 I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm serious. 388 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,990 You can probably own that truck for a quarter. 389 00:21:34,490 --> 00:21:37,610 But it was like you then you came home. 390 00:21:37,970 --> 00:21:45,050 You know, a lot of times my mom, my mom and dad was still at work, but I had older sisters and brothers because I'm the baby. 391 00:21:46,030 --> 00:21:48,490 So I had older sisters and brothers. 392 00:21:48,730 --> 00:21:50,950 They made sure I did what I needed to do. 393 00:21:51,070 --> 00:21:53,150 That was, you know, change my clothes. 394 00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,330 You always had we always had at least two pair of shoes. 395 00:21:56,450 --> 00:22:00,050 That was probably the most we would have you had play shoes. 396 00:22:00,430 --> 00:22:01,390 You had church shoes. 397 00:22:01,790 --> 00:22:05,230 So you had to come out of your you had to come out of your school shoes. 398 00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:12,830 Anyway, like more like three pair, but you had to come out of your school shoes and take your play shoes outside shoes. 399 00:22:12,830 --> 00:22:16,270 You have to put them on and back there. 400 00:22:16,390 --> 00:22:17,790 We have a lot of homework. 401 00:22:18,650 --> 00:22:23,070 You know, we did the most we did was like we had chores around the house, you know what I'm saying? 402 00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:30,870 But once you got through with your choice, you went back outside with them thousands of kids work and you just you played and play. 403 00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:43,150 I mean, I know every childhood game red light green light, hop scotch tag, hide go seek, jacks, just all kind of games. 404 00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:45,010 You just we just play. 405 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:49,930 We were just outside enjoying the out. 406 00:22:50,250 --> 00:22:51,030 You know what I'm saying? 407 00:22:51,110 --> 00:22:53,990 It wasn't no video games and all that. 408 00:22:54,130 --> 00:23:00,290 We were outside mingling with each other and you just knew the whole entire neighborhood. 409 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:08,610 You did you knew I mean a woman can come out and had their house and she knew who I was. 410 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,310 You you belongs in their house right there. 411 00:23:11,450 --> 00:23:12,270 You know what I'm saying? 412 00:23:12,630 --> 00:23:14,310 You five houses down. 413 00:23:14,490 --> 00:23:16,730 You're your grandmother's Miss Borders. 414 00:23:16,930 --> 00:23:17,750 You know what I'm saying? 415 00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:20,010 You just knew we knew it. 416 00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,090 Everyone knew everybody. 417 00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:23,010 Everybody knew everybody. 418 00:23:23,410 --> 00:23:24,910 They were outside because they're outside. 419 00:23:25,010 --> 00:23:27,570 But the time outside is a big ingredient for community. 420 00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:27,990 Yeah. 421 00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:38,690 Yeah, because when we get like the amusing ourselves to death a book by Neil Postman in the 1980s pauses the theory I think that like TVs are going to make us listen to the title of the book. 422 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,590 Amusing ourselves to death. 423 00:23:41,890 --> 00:23:44,430 So the time outside is a huge problem. 424 00:23:45,830 --> 00:23:47,990 Was there ever any time to read? 425 00:23:48,770 --> 00:23:49,290 Nope. 426 00:23:50,250 --> 00:24:00,170 The only time you really read is mostly in a summer because they had you know back then the government has summer programs for the kids. 427 00:24:00,270 --> 00:24:11,010 I don't know if you know anything about that, but it had different programs for the kids where if you had like a neighborhood park and they had people that they called them. 428 00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:12,350 I can't even remember what they call. 429 00:24:12,430 --> 00:24:13,410 They like leaders. 430 00:24:13,630 --> 00:24:19,890 They like, you know, but they they were like over with us, you know, we did craft. 431 00:24:20,050 --> 00:24:20,910 We did reading. 432 00:24:21,410 --> 00:24:23,390 They took us on field trips. 433 00:24:23,550 --> 00:24:25,150 This was the whole summer. 434 00:24:25,670 --> 00:24:26,170 You know what I'm saying? 435 00:24:26,190 --> 00:24:32,330 They took us to the library, you know, all kind of different stuff, you know, it was just we did. 436 00:24:32,530 --> 00:24:34,330 You can almost say you did. 437 00:24:34,630 --> 00:24:44,790 Well, I guess the only difference is in the summer and during the school year is we didn't do it up during the daytime, you know what I'm saying? 438 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,010 Because we were in school. 439 00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:50,130 But once we once summer came you just did it all day long. 440 00:24:50,230 --> 00:24:51,730 It was just so much to do. 441 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:56,930 There is kids everywhere. 442 00:24:57,490 --> 00:24:58,690 You're outside a lot. 443 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:01,210 Being outside is a big ingredient to community. 444 00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:03,530 You said you had community in St. Louis. 445 00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:04,430 Now you hate it. 446 00:25:04,490 --> 00:25:05,590 You don't like here anymore. 447 00:25:06,170 --> 00:25:09,250 You told me when I got into the to the uber be careful certain neighborhoods. 448 00:25:09,350 --> 00:25:12,290 Somebody might put a bullet in your head and you weren't joking. 449 00:25:12,490 --> 00:25:15,850 No, I wasn't because every night there's shootings and you got to be careful. 450 00:25:16,010 --> 00:25:17,050 People don't know each other anymore. 451 00:25:17,230 --> 00:25:17,930 We've lost community. So one reason is because people aren't outside as 452 00:25:18,090 --> 00:25:27,990 And two don't get me wrong because in the in the black community and that's what I was going to tell you 453 00:25:27,990 --> 00:25:31,710 You gonna you say how do you know you in the wrong neighborhood? 454 00:25:32,410 --> 00:25:43,750 You have about 10 folks standing on one porch just drinking talking loud, you know, you're in the wrong neighborhood, you know what I'm saying? 455 00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:47,850 That's not where you supposed to be did the cuz see we I don't know. 456 00:25:48,050 --> 00:26:01,870 I don't know about other states, but we kind of we kind of we kind of differentiate the different sides of St. Louis like we'll say the north side the south side the west side the east side. 457 00:26:02,290 --> 00:26:06,650 So you have to make sure what side you are on to you know what I'm saying? 458 00:26:07,030 --> 00:26:10,350 Like I know what you're saying, but of course doesn't I'm only here one day. 459 00:26:10,370 --> 00:26:12,050 I have no idea to figure that out. 460 00:26:12,410 --> 00:26:15,830 Well, if you get what you have to get in the uber. 461 00:26:15,890 --> 00:26:19,290 And I can guarantee you the uber knows the driver knows. 462 00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:21,430 Yeah, so don't go somewhere random don't go. 463 00:26:21,530 --> 00:26:23,970 Which sides do I go to which sides do I not go to? 464 00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:26,870 Okay, you you come in here on the west side. 465 00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:45,130 You can go as far west if you want to go and until you get South and you don't want to be on the south side either because everything back west north where I'm from that moved them to the south because they building up on the West. 466 00:26:45,390 --> 00:26:50,410 What do you mean they moved them? 467 00:26:50,910 --> 00:26:54,990 You know, it's like, you know, low-income housing, so when people apply for low-income housing, that's where they send them. 468 00:26:54,990 --> 00:26:56,090 Yeah 469 00:26:56,290 --> 00:26:57,090 Send them South, you know what I'm saying? 470 00:26:57,490 --> 00:27:00,090 Because this this area over here. 471 00:27:00,170 --> 00:27:02,930 Like I said, this all where we sitting right now. 472 00:27:03,010 --> 00:27:04,210 It's majority white. 473 00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:08,730 It's considered a city, but this is majority white over here. 474 00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:13,690 That's why you're going to see the birds because if it wasn't the birds wouldn't be over there they'd pack 475 00:27:13,810 --> 00:27:14,790 they shit and they be gone. 476 00:27:16,750 --> 00:27:23,990 That's only why the birds over here, but and you don't want to go you don't want to go at all on the north side. 477 00:27:23,990 --> 00:27:27,610 If you're not from St. Louis, you have no business on the north side. 478 00:27:28,050 --> 00:27:33,250 So if you go somewhere you ask that driver, what side of town am I on? 479 00:27:33,410 --> 00:27:34,950 What happens if I go to the north side? 480 00:27:35,190 --> 00:27:37,970 The north side is just it's I'm telling you it's horrible. 481 00:27:38,530 --> 00:27:39,130 It's horrible. 482 00:27:39,410 --> 00:27:39,750 What do you mean? 483 00:27:40,130 --> 00:27:42,290 It's it's first of all you go. 484 00:27:42,450 --> 00:27:48,230 You gonna see run down houses like I mean run down like seriously run down. 485 00:27:48,410 --> 00:27:49,170 You know what I'm saying? 486 00:27:49,550 --> 00:27:54,790 You gonna see like I said, you you probably see a few kids on the street. 487 00:27:54,950 --> 00:28:02,070 I'm talking little kids, but you're going to see grown-ups were like I say, they either getting smoking weed. 488 00:28:02,590 --> 00:28:06,930 They drinking cussing right among these little kids. 489 00:28:07,150 --> 00:28:07,770 You know what I'm saying? 490 00:28:07,830 --> 00:28:08,730 You're going to see that. 491 00:28:08,990 --> 00:28:14,550 That's how you're going to know you're on the wrong side because you're going to see grown folks disrespecting babies. 492 00:28:15,250 --> 00:28:17,570 Grown folks disrespecting babies. 493 00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:22,950 People that should know better, you know what I'm saying? 494 00:28:23,110 --> 00:28:25,470 But yeah, don't care. 495 00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:29,370 Don't care grown folks disrespecting babies. 496 00:28:29,510 --> 00:28:35,970 Jacqueline's painting us a portrait of trust and connection in society what it looks like when we have what it looks like when we don't. 497 00:28:36,270 --> 00:28:44,550 I just finished reading a book called Dark Age Ahead by Jane Jacobs and she's famous for coining the phrase eyes on the street. 498 00:28:45,110 --> 00:28:47,470 I asked Jacqueline what she thinks of that phrase. 499 00:28:47,930 --> 00:28:56,330 She said we used to have eyes on the street eyes on the street. 500 00:28:56,890 --> 00:29:04,410 And it made a difference and made a huge difference. It did because you knew if you came in certain community, we knew what what grass we can walk on. 501 00:29:04,670 --> 00:29:05,530 You know what I'm saying? 502 00:29:06,010 --> 00:29:08,970 Miss Miss Miss Miss Love. 503 00:29:08,970 --> 00:29:09,950 She looking out the window. 504 00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:11,330 You can't walk on her grass. 505 00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:12,510 You know what I'm saying? 506 00:29:12,870 --> 00:29:21,250 You knew, you know, some things you couldn't do in neighborhoods because you knew who would be watching who say who gonna tell it. 507 00:29:21,290 --> 00:29:22,270 You just know it. 508 00:29:22,990 --> 00:29:23,990 We've lost family. 509 00:29:24,170 --> 00:29:26,790 We're living farther away from each other now. 510 00:29:26,850 --> 00:29:28,070 Have we lost togetherness? 511 00:29:28,150 --> 00:29:30,170 Are we farther apart from our tribes? 512 00:29:30,610 --> 00:29:32,950 But then Jacqueline surprised me again. 513 00:29:33,810 --> 00:29:45,310 But you know what I've learned within these last few years and I know the Holy Spirit gave me this revelation and it's like and don't get me wrong. 514 00:29:45,490 --> 00:29:53,070 I don't frown on family, but my philosophy now is my family is whoever loves on me. 515 00:29:53,630 --> 00:29:56,010 Blood does not make you family. 516 00:29:56,710 --> 00:29:57,930 You know what I'm saying? 517 00:29:58,050 --> 00:30:03,890 It doesn't know not blood doesn't blood makes you keen doesn't make you family. 518 00:30:04,770 --> 00:30:05,410 You know what I'm saying? 519 00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:07,650 Whoever loves on me makes me. 520 00:30:07,650 --> 00:30:10,710 I love I love you. 521 00:30:10,870 --> 00:30:11,850 And you that's family to me, you know what I'm saying? 522 00:30:11,850 --> 00:30:13,190 As soon as I met you I love you. 523 00:30:13,210 --> 00:30:13,910 I fell in love with you. 524 00:30:14,410 --> 00:30:15,050 That's family. 525 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:20,130 Now I have blood cousins out there that I don't even like. 526 00:30:20,970 --> 00:30:23,610 But you might have a neighbor that loves you and you love her. 527 00:30:23,830 --> 00:30:24,270 Exactly. 528 00:30:24,610 --> 00:30:25,050 Exactly. 529 00:30:25,090 --> 00:30:26,450 And the neighbor feels like your family. 530 00:30:26,490 --> 00:30:26,890 Exactly. 531 00:30:27,050 --> 00:30:29,010 I was 18 when I lost my mom. 532 00:30:29,130 --> 00:30:39,230 I was 14 when I lost my dad, but my mom my mom made a bigger impact on me than my dad, you know, because that's mom, you know what I'm saying? 533 00:30:39,770 --> 00:30:48,210 So it was a lot of things in life that you know, I either had to come by it, you know what I'm saying? 534 00:30:48,770 --> 00:30:49,110 What did your mom teach you? 535 00:30:49,630 --> 00:30:49,910 Huh? 536 00:30:50,230 --> 00:31:00,030 Exactly because well, I mean my mom taught me for the most part my mom was a very meek woman. 537 00:31:00,510 --> 00:31:01,730 My mom didn't cuss. 538 00:31:02,030 --> 00:31:02,990 She didn't smoke. 539 00:31:03,110 --> 00:31:05,290 She didn't drink, you know what I'm saying? 540 00:31:05,290 --> 00:31:08,030 She was very attentive to her kids. 541 00:31:08,390 --> 00:31:13,490 She didn't she wasn't one to oh, I love you. 542 00:31:13,550 --> 00:31:17,390 I love you, but she showed us love, you know what I'm saying? 543 00:31:17,650 --> 00:31:26,730 I wasn't able to speak that love that word until I got with my husband and he showed me how to open up. 544 00:31:27,190 --> 00:31:41,070 Brené Brown has a quote which my wife and I are lucky to sit down with her in chapter 75 and she said professing love is so easy and so cheap showing like bell hooks All About Love. 545 00:31:41,170 --> 00:31:42,570 She's showing love is what's up. 546 00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:43,870 So how did your mom show love? 547 00:31:44,190 --> 00:31:46,630 She like I said, she was very attentive. 548 00:31:47,410 --> 00:31:48,590 She was very attentive. 549 00:31:48,750 --> 00:31:52,290 I mean my mom I was like a mama's baby. 550 00:31:53,190 --> 00:31:57,550 Like I said, my mom was was I was 18 with my mom. 551 00:31:57,670 --> 00:32:02,030 I slept in the same bed with my mom until she passed away. 552 00:32:02,030 --> 00:32:04,010 Your whole life? 553 00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:10,030 My whole life, that's how close I was to my mom, but it was a lot of things 554 00:32:10,210 --> 00:32:11,210 Just you and her? Where's everybody else? 555 00:32:11,450 --> 00:32:12,790 That was what I was it. 556 00:32:13,170 --> 00:32:14,510 Oh only you slept with your mom cuz you're the baby 557 00:32:14,550 --> 00:32:16,490 Yeah, cuz I'm the baby. 558 00:32:16,570 --> 00:32:18,070 Yeah, we got a baby in my house. 559 00:32:18,190 --> 00:32:20,810 Yeah, that's probably gonna always be a baby. 560 00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:24,070 Yeah, my wife still sleeping with him. 561 00:32:24,350 --> 00:32:26,250 Like he's still around at night. 562 00:32:26,630 --> 00:32:28,650 Like he's got my spot in the bed sometimes. 563 00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:30,750 I always be well, you know boys. 564 00:32:30,910 --> 00:32:31,810 Where did your dad go? 565 00:32:32,610 --> 00:32:33,570 Who knows? 566 00:32:35,190 --> 00:32:37,790 We've covered a lot so far. 567 00:32:37,890 --> 00:32:44,450 I mean, this is just one draft for one person in St. Louis, but Jacqueline is just so full of life and energy and thoughts. 568 00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:51,790 But wait, did we ever see the bird the Eurasian tree Sparrow and what is Jacqueline's most formidable book two more questions. 569 00:32:51,910 --> 00:32:53,050 We still need to answer. 570 00:32:53,510 --> 00:32:55,030 Wait, I never saw the bird. 571 00:32:55,670 --> 00:32:57,850 Oh, wait, I've seen I've seen I saw Morning Dove. 572 00:32:57,850 --> 00:32:58,650 I saw Blue Jay. 573 00:32:58,770 --> 00:33:02,330 I saw Robin no Eurasian tree sparrow Jacqueline. 574 00:33:02,650 --> 00:33:04,030 Well, you're my Eurasian tree. 575 00:33:04,070 --> 00:33:08,670 Oh, give me 30 seconds. 576 00:33:08,670 --> 00:33:09,550 I'm gonna find it. 577 00:33:09,550 --> 00:33:10,210 It's right here. 578 00:33:12,410 --> 00:33:13,370 Come on. 579 00:33:17,230 --> 00:33:18,710 Oh my God. 580 00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:22,210 So the birds are talking to me now you say yeah, they're talking about you. 581 00:33:22,310 --> 00:33:22,790 You're right. 582 00:33:23,590 --> 00:33:25,390 They say look at this nut. 583 00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:31,190 Yeah, I got it. 584 00:33:34,890 --> 00:33:36,630 The Eurasian tree Sparrow. 585 00:33:38,790 --> 00:33:39,610 Oh, yeah. 586 00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:43,310 Who told you they was over here? 587 00:33:43,330 --> 00:33:46,130 Well, it's got a black and white cheek, which is different than a house bear. 588 00:33:46,210 --> 00:33:48,430 They were released in 1870 by the Germans. 589 00:33:48,670 --> 00:33:50,370 They brought 60 pairs over. 590 00:33:50,510 --> 00:33:52,730 They released them in Lafayette Park in St. Louis. 591 00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:54,030 They started to breed. 592 00:33:54,090 --> 00:33:55,910 They brought a bunch of birds over all the rest died. 593 00:33:55,910 --> 00:34:05,610 But just after that happened a lady came out of the house right next to where we were and she's like, hi, we're like hi. 594 00:34:05,670 --> 00:34:06,290 She's like, what are you? 595 00:34:06,350 --> 00:34:07,010 What are you up to? 596 00:34:07,110 --> 00:34:12,530 We're just like, oh, we're just I'm just looking at a bird and she's like the Eurasian tree Sparrow. 597 00:34:13,550 --> 00:34:18,110 We were like, yeah, she's like, I know I figured and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. 598 00:34:18,210 --> 00:34:19,130 I hope we're not bothering you. 599 00:34:19,150 --> 00:34:19,949 She's like, no, no, no. 600 00:34:20,010 --> 00:34:32,290 We when we when we bought this house, we had to sign our names on the contract saying that we knew our home or nearby was breeding grounds for the Eurasian tree Sparrow and that we wouldn't take down the nests. 601 00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:42,969 So don't know the I can't verify this story, but I love the fact that a neighbor came out of the house and says like I guess you're looking for the Eurasian tree Sparrow, which was wonderful. 602 00:34:43,090 --> 00:34:45,210 Now, let's keep going. 603 00:34:45,370 --> 00:34:45,929 What about the book? 604 00:34:45,949 --> 00:34:48,210 Can we tie Jaclyn's story into a book? 605 00:34:48,290 --> 00:34:51,710 Can you give me one book to change your life Jacqueline? 606 00:34:53,210 --> 00:34:55,290 I would say the Bible, I would 607 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,240 Turn left on Central Avenue. 608 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:00,440 What age were you when you read it? 609 00:35:01,860 --> 00:35:03,960 When I start reading it? 610 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,980 Probably probably around my 20-ish. 611 00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:12,560 Yeah, my late 20s. 612 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:12,880 Yeah. 613 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,440 Why'd you start reading it? 614 00:35:15,580 --> 00:35:16,260 What made you start? 615 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,280 Because I felt hopeless and helpless. 616 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:20,100 Hmm. 617 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:23,460 Turn left on West Park Avenue. 618 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:28,860 Somebody told me hey, get God in your life. 619 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:31,080 How did that help? 620 00:35:32,020 --> 00:35:34,140 Because it gave me hope. 621 00:35:35,420 --> 00:35:38,340 This is before you're married before you work 27 years for the bus. 622 00:35:38,540 --> 00:35:51,940 This yeah, this is this is like after I lost my mom, you know, you know what it's like to be an 18 year old kid with no mother to give you no guidance, no directions, you know what I'm saying? 623 00:35:52,020 --> 00:35:56,300 My mom was taken from me at such a young age, you know what I'm saying? 624 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,060 And I didn't. 625 00:35:57,620 --> 00:35:58,200 How did she die? 626 00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,820 She died of cancer. 627 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:02,560 You know, that was that was before. 628 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,280 My mom lost her dad at age 18. 629 00:36:04,380 --> 00:36:05,480 She still talks about it. 630 00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:06,360 My mom's 73. 631 00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:06,960 Yeah. 632 00:36:07,220 --> 00:36:09,120 Yeah, she knows exactly. 633 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:14,080 It's a it's a it's a void in your life that could never be filled. 634 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:15,340 You know what I'm saying? 635 00:36:15,380 --> 00:36:16,600 You never get over it. 636 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:22,900 You get you get you adapt to it, but you never get over it. 637 00:36:23,020 --> 00:36:23,680 You know what I'm saying? 638 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,680 I mean, it's not too many days that goes by that. 639 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,180 I don't think of my mom, you know what I'm saying? 640 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:30,740 And some kind of compassion. 641 00:36:30,820 --> 00:36:32,160 What's one message she gave you? 642 00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:39,640 She my mom gave me family actually family, you know what I'm saying? 643 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:46,580 Because my mom really believed in togetherness for his family was concerned. 644 00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:49,280 You helped each other, you know what I'm saying? 645 00:36:49,420 --> 00:36:55,760 I mean just like when my sister, my oldest sister start having kids real early. 646 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:57,860 You we lost our dad. 647 00:36:57,980 --> 00:37:01,740 So it was just my mom and the kids, you know what I'm saying? 648 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,820 Is it's like 11 years difference in me and my sister. 649 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:09,360 So she started having kids my sister when my sister wasn't at home. 650 00:37:09,700 --> 00:37:11,120 We took care of her kids. 651 00:37:11,260 --> 00:37:13,520 That's what my mom gave to us. 652 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:17,400 You help your sister out when you know what I'm saying? 653 00:37:17,980 --> 00:37:20,260 So right now today with my niece. 654 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,500 It was three of them two boys and one girl. 655 00:37:23,820 --> 00:37:24,220 I'm talking. 656 00:37:24,460 --> 00:37:29,740 We're very close because I was a part of their raising even though I was young man, my niece is just like, ten years apart but I was a part of that raising so 657 00:37:29,940 --> 00:37:39,840 And did God or Jesus or the Bible did it feel some of that void? 658 00:37:40,540 --> 00:37:42,540 Oh, it feels a lot of it. 659 00:37:42,540 --> 00:37:54,950 It feels it feels more now than than I mean, I I'm a better person because of it, you know what I'm saying? 660 00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:59,490 Because you know, you you just feel sorry for yourself. 661 00:37:59,670 --> 00:38:00,370 You know what I'm saying? 662 00:38:00,570 --> 00:38:09,650 It's why me you have this pity party and the Bible lets you know that he never said that you wasn't going to have triumph. 663 00:38:10,110 --> 00:38:12,270 He said he would never he would be there. 664 00:38:12,350 --> 00:38:13,590 He would never leave you. 665 00:38:13,590 --> 00:38:15,430 So he's here with me. 666 00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:18,990 He didn't say I wasn't going to have troubles through this world. 667 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:19,870 You know what I'm saying? 668 00:38:20,050 --> 00:38:22,790 He didn't say that we wasn't going to die. 669 00:38:23,330 --> 00:38:29,150 It's just I lost mine so early but he didn't he never told us all of us going to die. 670 00:38:29,410 --> 00:38:32,870 You know, we just don't know when so that helps me. 671 00:38:33,090 --> 00:38:42,370 Yeah, that gives me you know what I'm saying that that really kind of caused me it brings me out a lot of times of feeling sorry for myself. 672 00:38:42,370 --> 00:38:43,330 You know what I'm saying? 673 00:38:43,590 --> 00:38:45,710 Because we all have a story. 674 00:38:46,110 --> 00:38:47,930 We all have been through something. 675 00:38:48,270 --> 00:38:51,890 We have different stories, but we all have stories. 676 00:38:52,090 --> 00:38:55,850 We all have seen like the worst in this world. 677 00:38:56,350 --> 00:38:58,650 So that kind of help. 678 00:38:59,530 --> 00:39:02,630 Now so inspired by that chat with Jacqueline. 679 00:39:02,790 --> 00:39:07,250 I wanted to go keep moving, you know, go to the bookstore go to the art. 680 00:39:07,370 --> 00:39:09,470 So I open up the uber app again. 681 00:39:09,470 --> 00:39:11,630 And this time I meet Deneane. 682 00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:17,970 So your name is Deneane and you tell me you got depression for nine months. 683 00:39:18,130 --> 00:39:25,080 Yeah, but also like I feel like it got worse. 684 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,840 It's like of course things take course. 685 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:33,700 So like after I lost the two plus like not close to people but really too close to me. 686 00:39:34,340 --> 00:39:36,200 I never went through a bad breakup. 687 00:39:37,100 --> 00:39:42,160 And so like that really like hit it because I'm like I have kids, you know, like we have kids together. 688 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,360 So it was just like me. 689 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:43,820 You got kids? 690 00:39:44,140 --> 00:39:44,980 How many kids? 691 00:39:45,180 --> 00:39:45,860 I have five. 692 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:46,680 You have five kids? 693 00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:48,080 You're 28 years old? 694 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:48,420 Yeah. 695 00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:49,660 How old were you when you had your first one? 696 00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:50,640 I was 18. 697 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:51,100 Wow. 698 00:39:51,140 --> 00:39:52,360 So 18 every two years. 699 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,580 Yep 700 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,560 But you guys weren't married, right? 701 00:39:56,740 --> 00:39:58,340 And now you guys broke up. 702 00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:58,620 Yeah. 703 00:39:58,760 --> 00:39:59,200 What happened? 704 00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:00,500 12 year relationship. 705 00:40:00,780 --> 00:40:02,860 He was a cheater and then abusive. 706 00:40:04,980 --> 00:40:06,940 And I finally decided to just get away. 707 00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:07,460 Two strikes. 708 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:07,840 You're out. 709 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:08,920 Yeah, I finally decided. 710 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:09,940 Pretty big strikes though. 711 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,280 Yeah, real big ones. 712 00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,000 Cheater and abusive. 713 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:13,640 And abusive. 714 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:14,540 What kind of you mean abusive? 715 00:40:16,140 --> 00:40:17,020 Like hands. 716 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,320 Like physical abuse. 717 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,280 Yeah, physical, physical abuse. 718 00:40:20,380 --> 00:40:21,140 I'm so sorry. 719 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:30,080 Yeah, so I finally, but in the midst of going through all of this, I found the strength to like start over. 720 00:40:30,380 --> 00:40:32,360 It's you went solo with five kids. 721 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:32,660 Yeah. 722 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:33,740 And how old are your kids? 723 00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:35,300 Oh, my oldest is 10. 724 00:40:35,620 --> 00:40:41,320 And then I have an eight-year-old, seven-year-old, five-year-old, and a three-year-old. 725 00:40:41,380 --> 00:40:42,280 And what are all their names? 726 00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:47,140 Zion, Zoe, Zena, Zen, and Zavier. 727 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:48,540 Five Z's? 728 00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:49,200 Yeah zzzuh! 729 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:51,960 I'm from, I'm from Canada. 730 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,040 So it's Z up there. 731 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:53,560 Yeah. 732 00:40:53,660 --> 00:40:54,860 Yeah, five Z's. 733 00:40:54,940 --> 00:40:56,140 I can see the arch. 734 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:56,760 Yep. 735 00:40:56,780 --> 00:41:01,040 I see the arch 640 feet tall and 640 feet wide. 736 00:41:01,820 --> 00:41:03,920 Built as the gateway to the West. 737 00:41:04,380 --> 00:41:07,240 But they built it apparently 100 years after they meant to build it. 738 00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:07,780 Did you hear that? 739 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,020 I never heard that. 740 00:41:09,060 --> 00:41:10,460 That's what my driver said yesterday. 741 00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:33,500 Actually, the idea for the Gateway Arch in St. Louis was first presented, quote, as a suitable and permanent public memorial to the men who made possible the Western Territorial Expansion of the United States, particularly President Jefferson, his aides Livingston and Monroe, and the great explorers Lewis and Clark, and a whole bunch of other people. 742 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,320 Now, this happened in 1933 and construction finished in 1965. 743 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,360 So it was 58 years ago. 744 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:44,540 And mathematically, it worked out to 22 years late, not a hundred years late, like I said. 745 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,500 So how do you take care of five kids by yourself? 746 00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,620 That would give a lot of people depression to start with. 747 00:41:50,660 --> 00:41:56,460 It's very challenging because like, of course, you have to be on time and like organized and it's like, it's a lot. 748 00:41:56,620 --> 00:41:58,720 Like you have to attend to each personality. 749 00:42:00,700 --> 00:42:06,320 But financially, I don't feel any different with being without them because I was still financially responsible for everything. 750 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:07,380 So you drive Uber 751 00:42:07,460 --> 00:42:08,220 How many hours a week? 752 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,840 I do about 33 hours. 753 00:42:10,940 --> 00:42:11,880 Is that full-time job? 754 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,460 Full-time and then I work a part-time. 755 00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:14,200 What's your part-time? 756 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,220 Basically, a cashier at Jilly's a Cupcake Spot. 757 00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:19,160 At what? 758 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:19,620 Jilly's? 759 00:42:19,660 --> 00:42:19,960 Uh-huh. 760 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:20,840 Pig Spot? 761 00:42:21,140 --> 00:42:21,540 Cupcake. 762 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:22,820 Cupcake Spot. 763 00:42:22,980 --> 00:42:23,260 Yeah. 764 00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:23,740 Cool. 765 00:42:24,380 --> 00:42:26,020 So then how do you take care of your kids? 766 00:42:26,140 --> 00:42:29,260 I mean, you're because you're working how many, 33 hours here, then how many hours there? 767 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:33,760 So there, I only work like, I'll say 5 to 11 hours. 768 00:42:33,820 --> 00:42:34,420 It just depends. 769 00:42:34,420 --> 00:42:38,120 You have to have someone helping you with your kids then, drop off, pick up or something. 770 00:42:38,260 --> 00:42:39,380 No, I'm doing it. 771 00:42:39,540 --> 00:42:40,220 So you drop off? 772 00:42:40,540 --> 00:42:42,320 But the daycare helps me where I take them. 773 00:42:42,420 --> 00:42:45,840 So like if I drop them off at 7.30 in the morning, they'll take them to school for me. 774 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:46,240 Oh, okay. 775 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:49,600 And then I pick them up at 5.30. 776 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,340 Wow. So you got them 5.30 straight till bedtime. 777 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,500 And the bedtime is probably late now with the 10-year-old. 778 00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:54,920 Yeah. 779 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,340 You don't got any time for yourself. 780 00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:57,240 Basically. 781 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,520 And then we suddenly see the arch. 782 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,160 We see the St. Louis Gateway Arch. 783 00:43:03,260 --> 00:43:04,020 We jump out. 784 00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:05,020 We take some pictures. 785 00:43:05,260 --> 00:43:10,640 I'll paste them on the blog post at 3books.co. If you're watching this on YouTube, I'll put some pictures right here so you can see. 786 00:43:10,860 --> 00:43:11,720 We see it. 787 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:13,240 Oh, we're at the arch. 788 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,080 But I want to get the picture with you. 789 00:43:16,180 --> 00:43:16,680 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 790 00:43:16,940 --> 00:43:18,080 One, two, three, cheese. 791 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,860 And you're, and the arch is in the picture. 792 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:22,260 One, two, three. 793 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:23,200 Oh, yeah. 794 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:23,720 Look at me. 795 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:24,560 Cheese. 796 00:43:25,820 --> 00:43:26,120 Oh, yeah. 797 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:27,180 Now one of us in the arch. 798 00:43:27,500 --> 00:43:28,400 This is awesome. 799 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,100 Then we get back in the car. 800 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,240 What was the last book you read? 801 00:43:34,540 --> 00:43:36,560 See, I've been listening to audiobooks, so. 802 00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:37,680 Do you like, do you like reading? 803 00:43:38,860 --> 00:43:40,400 Yeah, I used to read back in high school. 804 00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:41,720 12, like 12 years ago. 805 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,500 What was your favorite book? 806 00:43:49,180 --> 00:43:51,280 It had, who was it by? 807 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:52,680 It was an Arabian book. 808 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,820 It was called Something in the Sun. 809 00:43:55,940 --> 00:43:57,780 It talked about the war that was going on. 810 00:43:57,820 --> 00:44:00,780 I forgot the name of it, but we had to do a report on it. 811 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:01,880 And I really, really liked it. 812 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,420 I wish they would have made a movie about it. 813 00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:04,580 Arabian book. 814 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:05,240 It was. 815 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:09,860 Arabian book, Sun in Title. 816 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,460 A Thousand Splendid Suns. 817 00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:14,660 Yeah, there we go. 818 00:44:14,740 --> 00:44:15,640 Yeah, is that it? 819 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,880 By, by, oh, yeah, of course, by Khalid Hosseini. 820 00:44:19,100 --> 00:44:20,580 The guy who did The Kite Runner. 821 00:44:20,940 --> 00:44:23,220 Oh, that, but that woman had a terrible life. 822 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:25,380 She's married to all these terrible guys. 823 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,220 That book, that was hard, man. 824 00:44:28,220 --> 00:44:29,200 That made me depressed. 825 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:30,960 Yeah, so you had to read it too in school? 826 00:44:30,980 --> 00:44:31,840 No, I didn't have to. 827 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,540 I just read it. 828 00:44:32,540 --> 00:44:33,520 Ohh 829 00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:33,740 I read it, yeah. 830 00:44:33,900 --> 00:44:34,160 Okay. 831 00:44:34,540 --> 00:44:36,920 Yeah, that was, that was, I don't know, but that was a good book. 832 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:38,180 Did it change you? 833 00:44:38,180 --> 00:44:40,560 She ended up, I think she ended up having a good outcome. 834 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:41,360 At the very end. 835 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,400 Yeah, like she ended up. 836 00:44:42,420 --> 00:44:45,240 300 punishing pages, then it was like 15 good pages. 837 00:44:45,540 --> 00:44:47,320 Yeah, she ended up having a good, I mean. 838 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:48,840 So what'd you like about that book? 839 00:44:52,020 --> 00:44:57,900 I think it was about the fact that she endured, like, you know, and then it's crazy because it seems like that's what I've been doing. 840 00:44:58,620 --> 00:44:59,260 But, um. 841 00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:02,440 I'm a hopeless romantic. 842 00:45:02,660 --> 00:45:05,520 So it seemed like, like she got with the person that she really loved at the end. 843 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,240 Like they love conquering, you know? 844 00:45:07,340 --> 00:45:09,800 So I think that's why I liked it. 845 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,320 So what do you mean you're enduring? 846 00:45:11,380 --> 00:45:12,640 Because you're working the two jobs. 847 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:13,620 You got the five kids. 848 00:45:13,700 --> 00:45:14,140 You're a solo mom. 849 00:45:14,380 --> 00:45:28,640 Everything I have went through, like I went through a lot, you know, so it was just like, you know, with the abuse, with the cheating, with the just trying to figure it out, being a young mother and like my parents, like when I found out I was pregnant, my parents was like, they were mad. 850 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,140 Cause like I had everything set up to go to college. 851 00:45:31,340 --> 00:45:36,300 So they said you're on your own, you know, so I literally been on my own since 18. 852 00:45:36,460 --> 00:45:39,480 So it was just like just going through all the things that I went through. 853 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:45,520 I endured, you know, and like, I know, I know my time is coming to, you know, have my good, you know, my good time. 854 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:46,860 So yeah. 855 00:45:46,860 --> 00:45:48,040 What's your good time look like? 856 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:50,120 Healthy. 857 00:45:50,480 --> 00:46:12,660 And when I say that, like raising healthy children, like we're in counseling now for them seeing the fighting and stuff like that and just being happy, like having a routine, having peace, just having a schedule, having, you know, just conversations with my kids, watching them grow, watching them develop and just like pushing them through whatever they want to do. 858 00:46:12,720 --> 00:46:17,260 Like my son wants to be an artist, you know, and my daughter wants to do ballet and stuff like that. 859 00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:23,300 So it's like, I just want to see them go, you know, like just blossom, you know, and then I have a business. 860 00:46:23,500 --> 00:46:25,540 So I want to see my business take off. 861 00:46:25,540 --> 00:46:27,000 You got a business on top of all this? 862 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:27,900 What's your business? 863 00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:29,460 So I sell designer perfume and cologne. 864 00:46:29,460 --> 00:46:30,480 Plug it, plug it. 865 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,300 Yes. 866 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,440 It's called Fleur and I sell. 867 00:46:33,780 --> 00:46:34,840 F-L-E-U-R? 868 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:35,360 Yes. 869 00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:36,300 Designer perfume. 870 00:46:36,620 --> 00:46:36,960 Yes. 871 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:37,300 Wow. 872 00:46:37,300 --> 00:46:37,880 Tell me more. 873 00:46:37,980 --> 00:46:38,280 Tell me more. 874 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:38,960 How'd you start it? 875 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:39,500 What were you doing? 876 00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:44,120 So my parents used to sell designer perfume and cologne in Jamestown Mall when I was younger. 877 00:46:44,580 --> 00:46:45,640 And so I loved it. 878 00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,500 Like I love smelling the scents and matching it up with people, the pheromones and stuff like that. 879 00:46:49,780 --> 00:47:01,580 And then once I got older, I realized, actually during the pandemic, I had a niche for like putting baskets together and like the color scheme, how pretty they are, how pretty they were and everything like that. 880 00:47:01,580 --> 00:47:08,360 And I was like, man, and I took off during COVID because nobody wanted to go to the store and go shopping for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas. 881 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:10,960 So it took off and I just fell in love. 882 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,240 What do you mean took off? 883 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:17,960 Like I started, like every holiday, I started averaging almost like 50 baskets a holiday. 884 00:47:18,260 --> 00:47:24,260 So it was, and I was a one person, you know, like doing this so I'll be in my room just like going, like just coming up. 885 00:47:24,260 --> 00:47:25,540 How much could you sell a basket for? 886 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:29,580 The highest I've sold one for is about $240. 887 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:30,140 Wow. 888 00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:31,760 The lowest is about $15. 889 00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:32,380 Wow. 890 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:33,680 And what's the website? 891 00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:34,360 How do I find it? 892 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,340 So I have an Instagram, it's Deneane. 893 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:37,800 You can never delete Instagram. 894 00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:39,780 So give us your Instagram handle. 895 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:46,260 So it's Deneane Fluer, D-E-N-E-A-N-E, but on here I've spelled F-L-U-E-R. 896 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:46,920 Okay. 897 00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:47,800 And. 898 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:49,540 @deneanefluer 899 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,120 Spell it again one more time. 900 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:56,400 D as in David, E-N-E-A-N-E-F-L-U-E-R. 901 00:47:56,540 --> 00:47:56,760 Wow. 902 00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,040 So people can go in there and they can buy your designer perfumes. 903 00:47:59,440 --> 00:47:59,700 Yeah. 904 00:47:59,780 --> 00:48:01,200 And how many do you want to do? 905 00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:02,980 How many do you want to sell a year? 906 00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:04,280 So 50 per holiday. 907 00:48:04,740 --> 00:48:06,920 Now, what if you want to, how many do you want to sell? 908 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:20,560 I want to sell, for real, I want to go bigger, but I have to get people that I trust to like help me out because I really want to, you know how like with churches and businesses, like when they have the little baskets or like little gifts, like just thank you gifts and stuff like that. 909 00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:21,440 I want to do those. 910 00:48:21,780 --> 00:48:23,180 So I really want to go corporate with it. 911 00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,080 Like, okay, here you're at like the conference you just left. 912 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,020 You remind me so much of Suzy Batiz. 913 00:48:28,420 --> 00:48:34,160 Suzy Batiz is the founder of Poo-Pourri and she had this vision for being like a hustler. 914 00:48:34,260 --> 00:48:35,040 She calls herself. 915 00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:38,540 She drives a black Porsche now and she's worth about a billion dollars. 916 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:40,840 And she's, yeah, and I interviewed her. 917 00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:41,860 So you got to listen to that. 918 00:48:41,980 --> 00:48:43,420 Chapter 123 in my podcast. 919 00:48:44,220 --> 00:48:45,600 And how do I find your podcast? 920 00:48:45,860 --> 00:48:46,660 Do you use Spotify? 921 00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:48,280 Oh, no. 922 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:49,640 Do you use Apple Podcasts? 923 00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,380 I have Apple Music. 924 00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:52,680 Do you have Apple Podcasts? 925 00:48:52,780 --> 00:48:57,860 So type in podcast into your search of your iPhone and a purple button should come up that says just the word podcast. 926 00:48:58,400 --> 00:48:59,060 So click that open. 927 00:49:00,780 --> 00:49:04,220 This is what you spend your time on more than TikTok and Facebook. 928 00:49:04,780 --> 00:49:10,280 Now go search and type in three, the number three, space books, B-O-O-K-S. 929 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,380 Press enter and see that one of me. 930 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:13,000 Yep, there we go. 931 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:13,840 Yes, it's me. 932 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:14,700 Yeah, that's me, Neil. 933 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:15,000 I'm Neil. 934 00:49:15,240 --> 00:49:17,120 So just click the top, the top one. 935 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:18,380 Yeah, it's weird. 936 00:49:18,380 --> 00:49:21,260 Now just, okay, click five stars. 937 00:49:21,460 --> 00:49:21,780 No, just kidding. 938 00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:24,300 I'm just kidding. 939 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,800 So then go, that's it. 940 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,340 So then like go down to 123. 941 00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:30,680 Scroll down to 123. 942 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:32,240 Yep. 943 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:32,720 There we go. 944 00:49:32,860 --> 00:49:33,700 Suzy Batiz. 945 00:49:34,020 --> 00:49:34,260 Yeah. 946 00:49:35,060 --> 00:49:37,300 Now follow that or subscribe and listen to that. 947 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:38,320 I interviewed her. 948 00:49:38,700 --> 00:49:42,740 I'll tell you what, Deneane, you are like her and you're going to have that business. 949 00:49:42,820 --> 00:49:43,340 And you know what? 950 00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:47,880 You are enduring because you got rid of that guy who was cheating on you and was hitting you. 951 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:48,800 You got five kids. 952 00:49:48,860 --> 00:49:49,580 You want them to blossom. 953 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:50,400 You got them in therapy. 954 00:49:50,740 --> 00:49:54,320 You're a wonderful mom and I just have so much faith in you. 955 00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:57,220 I can tell it right off your, you're like, so what do you write about? 956 00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:57,520 Self-help? 957 00:49:57,780 --> 00:49:58,860 Okay, what do you got for depression? 958 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,160 Like you're like, let's figure this out. 959 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,060 Like you are, you want, you know what Suzy always says? 960 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,520 She said, my whole life, you know, all I want was freedom. 961 00:50:10,180 --> 00:50:10,540 Yep. 962 00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:12,740 Your parents disowned you in 18. 963 00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:14,580 They left you on your own. 964 00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,500 That's, that's bad move. 965 00:50:16,940 --> 00:50:19,240 That's when you, that's when you need your parents most of all. 966 00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:23,760 Yeah, but I, I really don't know cause like they're still there, but like they made me strong. 967 00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,440 Like, okay, you decided to have this child. 968 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,940 So like you have to be responsible for this child. 969 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,460 Oh, it was, it was actually a survival training. 970 00:50:30,620 --> 00:50:32,440 It was like 971 00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:32,860 So you're happy you did it? 972 00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:33,360 Yeah. Yeah. 973 00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:34,080 But then what'd you do? 974 00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:35,340 Find an apartment by yourself? 975 00:50:35,700 --> 00:50:42,260 Um, so I had moved in with his mom and he moved out and it was just crazy. 976 00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:45,240 Like that's when I first found out he was cheating, but I was like, I don't know. 977 00:50:45,260 --> 00:50:45,980 I was just so young. 978 00:50:45,980 --> 00:50:46,380 How old was he? 979 00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:46,900 You were 18. 980 00:50:47,060 --> 00:50:47,820 He was 20. 981 00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:49,560 Yeah. 982 00:50:49,580 --> 00:50:50,600 So how'd you guys meet? 983 00:50:51,180 --> 00:50:51,780 High school. 984 00:50:52,820 --> 00:50:53,180 Yeah. 985 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:59,360 So it was just like, I started seeing who he was, but I also felt like I was just, this is my brother. 986 00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:03,040 I also felt like I was by myself, you know, so it was just like, huh? 987 00:51:03,100 --> 00:51:03,280 Okay. 988 00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:04,800 So then I ended up getting my own apartment. 989 00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,980 And was he with living with you or no? 990 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:14,200 No, when I first moved in, I was by myself and then he ended up coming there and saying he wanted his family and to make it work and stuff like that. 991 00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,120 And yeah. 992 00:51:16,420 --> 00:51:17,300 How long did that last? 993 00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:23,420 That lasted while I was at the apartment for like two, almost three years and I ended up having two more kids. 994 00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,540 But he left, he left. 995 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:33,000 So I got diagnosed with a kidney disease while I was pregnant and he left me hanging like once I couldn't work anymore. 996 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:33,960 Yeah. 997 00:51:34,140 --> 00:51:35,020 So where were you working then? 998 00:51:35,260 --> 00:51:37,360 So then I was working at T-Mobile. 999 00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,740 So you're working all these places while you have the kids. 1000 00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,120 You only get six weeks off or something. 1001 00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:42,040 Yeah. 1002 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,740 In Canada, you get a year off when you have a kid, a year. 1003 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,900 Every time my wife had a kid, she gets a year off, a full year. 1004 00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,120 That's how everyone in the country gets it. 1005 00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:50,860 Wow. 1006 00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:52,000 The whole country. 1007 00:51:52,860 --> 00:51:53,860 Yeah, that's amazing. 1008 00:51:54,140 --> 00:51:59,500 Yeah, because here we only get six weeks, but like when I got sick, my brother who's calling me now, he lives in Vegas. 1009 00:51:59,580 --> 00:51:59,960 Jon Jon. 1010 00:52:00,220 --> 00:52:00,460 Yep. 1011 00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:01,240 He lives in Vegas. 1012 00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:05,640 And so he told me like he came in to see me and he was like, you know what? 1013 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:06,820 We're packing up. 1014 00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:07,500 You're coming with me. 1015 00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:10,600 So I moved to Vegas with my brother and like he helped me. 1016 00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,520 I gave birth there. 1017 00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:13,340 It was beautiful 1018 00:52:13,580 --> 00:52:13,860 That was your fourth kid. 1019 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:14,160 Yeah yep. 1020 00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:20,960 That was my fourth one and I gave birth there and it was just like it was a it was a healing experience healing. 1021 00:52:21,380 --> 00:52:30,880 Yeah, and I felt I wish I would have stayed but I didn't I ended up coming back because like I felt like I needed my mom my dad because like I did I got really really sick and they were saying that I only had two years to live. 1022 00:52:31,660 --> 00:52:34,520 Yeah, so you're 26 24. 1023 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:35,600 No, I was 24. 1024 00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:35,960 Yeah. 1025 00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:36,320 Wow. 1026 00:52:36,940 --> 00:52:40,780 Yep, because I got diagnosed with FSGS. 1027 00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,200 But that's not true you have two years to live, right? 1028 00:52:42,240 --> 00:52:42,700 It's not true. 1029 00:52:42,740 --> 00:52:43,240 I'm still here. 1030 00:52:43,460 --> 00:52:47,900 Yeah, I'm still here and I ended up having another baby because they told me like never to have another kid again and stuff. 1031 00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:52,460 Even though I didn't plan on having another baby, but I did. 1032 00:52:52,580 --> 00:52:52,820 All with the same guy 1033 00:52:52,860 --> 00:52:54,740 Yep it was the same guy like I ended up getting back with him. He told me he had changed and I believed him. 1034 00:52:54,780 --> 00:53:06,380 The cheating part or about the hitting part? The hitting was happening the whole time you're with him from the beginning? 1035 00:53:06,620 --> 00:53:10,360 No so when when we were in high school, you never did that. So what prompted this all of a sudden it started like after I had my son. 1036 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:24,100 So our first our first son like after I had that and it was it was I don't know if when it first happened it was like a shot because it wasn't even an argument like he had came over and I was happy that he was there and stuff like that. 1037 00:53:24,180 --> 00:53:38,520 And I was just like when I say I was like, okay, you know, like I think he's about to come spend time but his phone kept ringing and he was like, I gotta go and I was like, but you just got here, you know, like I thought we were about to watch a movie eat, you know, hang out all this type of stuff because here it is. 1038 00:53:38,580 --> 00:53:39,020 I'm young. 1039 00:53:39,140 --> 00:53:43,740 I'm stuck with a baby like and it's like he's still living life and I'm just like, okay. 1040 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:50,920 So where's our us time, you know, and I remember he got super super mad because he was like, where did you put my shoes? 1041 00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,780 And I was like, no, I'm not giving you your shoes. 1042 00:53:53,780 --> 00:54:05,900 You got to stay here with me and I'm thinking it's innocent and like he just snapped like and I remember just being in shock, but I didn't want to tell my mom because I was just like I was in shock like but she said where did it come from? 1043 00:54:05,980 --> 00:54:06,720 Why is he hitting? 1044 00:54:06,720 --> 00:54:08,820 Like I would never hit my wife. 1045 00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:14,220 I think it came from because like he told me his father used to beat up his mom, but he resented his father. 1046 00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:15,580 He said you never want to be like him. 1047 00:54:15,660 --> 00:54:20,400 So I never thought he'll do it, but it came out and then it never went back. 1048 00:54:20,580 --> 00:54:21,100 It never stopped. 1049 00:54:21,180 --> 00:54:22,220 It just kept getting worse. 1050 00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:23,480 Really? 1051 00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:24,880 He couldn't control it. 1052 00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:28,240 I think he could control it because like he wouldn't do it in front of people. 1053 00:54:30,340 --> 00:54:32,120 Yeah, like you wouldn't do it in front of people. 1054 00:54:32,340 --> 00:54:33,880 Did you get do people know what's happening? 1055 00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:34,700 Yeah. 1056 00:54:34,820 --> 00:54:35,360 Who'd you tell? 1057 00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:51,200 Well, my mom ended up finding out because she seen the bruises and then it started getting to the point to where I couldn't hide it because like I had black eyes and like he had he had messed my job and yeah, like people started finding out about it. 1058 00:54:55,570 --> 00:54:56,710 I'm so sorry. 1059 00:54:57,470 --> 00:54:57,990 I'm okay 1060 00:54:58,110 --> 00:54:59,190 Now I'm good. 1061 00:55:05,050 --> 00:55:07,690 My mom found out because of the bruises. 1062 00:55:08,990 --> 00:55:10,330 Everybody's got a story. 1063 00:55:10,330 --> 00:55:34,570 Deneane's book is A Thousand Splendid Sons by Khalid Hosseini because it has the theme of endure, enduring, a theme she resonates with in her own life after leaving an abusive relationship, solo parenting five kids at age 28, doing all the drop-off and pickups while holding down two jobs for Uber and the Cupcake Place and running her own business @deneanefluer on Instagram. 1064 00:55:34,790 --> 00:55:41,030 It's D-E-N-E-A-N-E-F-L-U-E-R on Instagram, which we'll link to it in the show notes as well. 1065 00:55:42,810 --> 00:55:45,810 So from here we keep going. 1066 00:55:45,990 --> 00:55:58,170 I changed the address on the Uber to Left Bank Books, the 1969 founded oldest and most popular independent bookstore in all of St. Louis, but I also couldn't resist sneaking in a couple of our fast money questions too. 1067 00:55:58,590 --> 00:56:00,770 A Thousand Splendid Sons taught you to endure. 1068 00:56:01,450 --> 00:56:03,110 You got a favorite bookstore? 1069 00:56:05,810 --> 00:56:07,370 For some reason, I like Target. 1070 00:56:08,030 --> 00:56:11,370 Like that's where I go to get my kids books, but I like Target. 1071 00:56:11,750 --> 00:56:12,370 Target's good. 1072 00:56:12,390 --> 00:56:16,830 They have a nice collection, like, okay, so Audible. 1073 00:56:17,950 --> 00:56:24,050 There's a book that I've been looking at and it's called Sacred, The Sacred Woman or Sacred. 1074 00:56:24,870 --> 00:56:29,550 And I heard about it through The Breakfast Club because like I listen to them in the morning. 1075 00:56:29,650 --> 00:56:29,930 Yeah. 1076 00:56:30,150 --> 00:56:38,810 And they brought on the author and I looked her up and like they had the book at Target, but I found it on audiobooks. 1077 00:56:38,890 --> 00:56:39,710 I have the app already. 1078 00:56:40,370 --> 00:56:42,230 So like I've been trying to listen to that. 1079 00:56:42,330 --> 00:56:45,810 Sometimes I play it while I'm driving, but I haven't really got off into it. 1080 00:56:46,210 --> 00:56:47,850 What good books do you ever get from Target? 1081 00:56:48,650 --> 00:56:49,230 Kid books. 1082 00:56:49,770 --> 00:56:50,390 Like what? 1083 00:56:52,330 --> 00:56:53,350 Like, what is it? 1084 00:56:53,370 --> 00:56:55,630 The Hair Joy. 1085 00:56:56,130 --> 00:56:56,890 The Hair Joy. 1086 00:56:57,110 --> 00:56:57,550 I like it. 1087 00:56:57,750 --> 00:56:58,090 Yeah. 1088 00:56:58,750 --> 00:56:59,950 Dr. Seuss books. 1089 00:57:00,090 --> 00:57:00,350 Yeah. 1090 00:57:01,230 --> 00:57:02,290 Now we're on the highway. 1091 00:57:02,290 --> 00:57:05,910 We're going by a billboard that says $485 million, $650 million. 1092 00:57:06,050 --> 00:57:08,750 Another billboard that says Standout Webster University. 1093 00:57:09,530 --> 00:57:10,990 Lots of ads for lawyers. 1094 00:57:11,830 --> 00:57:13,690 Lots of ads for lawyers everywhere. 1095 00:57:14,950 --> 00:57:17,210 Art and Bloom, St. Louis Art Museum. 1096 00:57:18,110 --> 00:57:19,850 There's a Ferris wheel out here. 1097 00:57:20,370 --> 00:57:23,250 There's a St. Louis Blues Arena. 1098 00:57:24,230 --> 00:57:26,290 There's a big sign that says Advertise here. 1099 00:57:26,810 --> 00:57:29,310 A big sign that says Own Tomorrow. 1100 00:57:29,310 --> 00:57:30,350 What the hell is that? 1101 00:57:30,510 --> 00:57:31,210 S-I-U-E. 1102 00:57:31,290 --> 00:57:32,190 It looks like a school. 1103 00:57:33,270 --> 00:57:35,630 Buy one, get one for a dollar from McDonald's. 1104 00:57:35,670 --> 00:57:36,650 That's what we should have for dinner. 1105 00:57:36,850 --> 00:57:37,710 Ew, no. 1106 00:57:40,330 --> 00:57:42,830 How do you organize the books on your bookshelf? 1107 00:57:43,550 --> 00:57:52,810 So right now I just have a basket and like I just put them in there and like it's filled in with coloring books and stuff like that. 1108 00:57:54,090 --> 00:57:54,510 Nice. 1109 00:57:54,770 --> 00:57:55,390 Coloring books. 1110 00:57:56,830 --> 00:57:58,310 What books you read with your kids? 1111 00:57:59,730 --> 00:58:10,090 Oh, the ones that I just named and then like they usually get my grandma had just got them this book from Rochester, Minnesota, but it has music in it. 1112 00:58:10,610 --> 00:58:13,590 I can't think of the name right now, but that's something they'll call it. 1113 00:58:14,210 --> 00:58:15,410 The ones I just named. 1114 00:58:15,570 --> 00:58:17,750 So we're going to go to Left Bank Books right now. 1115 00:58:18,650 --> 00:58:21,750 The most famous books are independent books are I think in St. Louis. 1116 00:58:22,350 --> 00:58:24,690 There's a bunch of the good ones here though, but I looked online. 1117 00:58:24,810 --> 00:58:29,710 This one's got like 900 reviews, you know, it's open till 6. 1118 00:58:31,190 --> 00:58:32,890 Everyone says you got to go to Left Bank Books. 1119 00:58:32,990 --> 00:58:34,310 I'm on my way to Left Bank Books. 1120 00:58:35,650 --> 00:58:36,570 And we got to go in. 1121 00:58:36,670 --> 00:58:37,470 Let's buy some books. 1122 00:58:39,370 --> 00:58:43,870 Deneane, so grateful to have met her across paths with her in St. Louis. 1123 00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:54,210 And by the way, the last book Deneane snuck in there on our list at the end was Sacred Woman, a Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind and Spirit by Queen Afua, A-F-U-A. 1124 00:58:54,710 --> 00:58:59,290 Deneen took me to the Arch and Left Bank Books and then we went in and went book shopping together. 1125 00:59:00,230 --> 00:59:05,230 Okay, there was a big black puffy cat in there named Orleans that was hiding in a basket. 1126 00:59:05,350 --> 00:59:06,710 There's a sign on the front door saying careful. 1127 00:59:06,790 --> 00:59:07,730 You don't let the cat out. 1128 00:59:08,350 --> 00:59:11,510 You know, there was this big wall of book club books right at the front. 1129 00:59:11,570 --> 00:59:13,430 You can tell a lot of local book clubs. 1130 00:59:13,690 --> 00:59:23,810 They keep their most popular most recent pick at the front door, which doubles as a great way for other people to come and see what book clubs are reading and the store itself has their own book clubs. 1131 00:59:24,010 --> 00:59:25,050 You go to the basement. 1132 00:59:25,050 --> 00:59:28,830 There's a used section, but unlike most places, it's in the POS system. 1133 00:59:28,910 --> 00:59:30,390 So when you ask, do I have this book? 1134 00:59:30,850 --> 00:59:33,450 They say, yes, we've got one new and we've got one used in the basement. 1135 00:59:33,590 --> 00:59:36,710 Anyway, the place was just wonderful, real activist streak. 1136 00:59:36,890 --> 00:59:41,950 You know, there's lots of pins, lots of buttons, lots of posters, like it's a real strong. 1137 00:59:42,650 --> 00:59:45,730 I felt the vibe of the store very strong. 1138 00:59:45,810 --> 00:59:52,030 We go shopping together and while you know, we got a nice stack of books for Deneen and her kids on behalf of our three books community. 1139 00:59:52,270 --> 01:00:04,010 And then I also picked up a couple books for myself, a signed copy of Slow Birding, The Art and Science of Enjoying the Birds in Your Own Backyard by Joan Strassman, S-T-R-A-S-S-M-A-N, who's a St. Louis professor. 1140 01:00:04,510 --> 01:00:06,230 And I read that book and I put it in my book club. 1141 01:00:06,310 --> 01:00:10,830 If you don't get my book club, just go to neil.blog and you can sign up every month, last Saturday morning of the month. 1142 01:00:10,930 --> 01:00:14,910 I send out giant email with all the books I've read in my reviews of them all. 1143 01:00:15,210 --> 01:00:17,170 So I read that book, loved it, fun. 1144 01:00:17,510 --> 01:00:25,050 It goes through like Blue Jays and Cardinals and Starlings and you know, birds that we see more often, but we don't know a lot about necessarily. 1145 01:00:25,690 --> 01:00:34,750 And I also got The 27th City by Jonathan Franzen, which has just been republished with a new cover that features the St. Louis Gateway Arch on the cover. 1146 01:00:35,130 --> 01:00:36,250 So I was like, I gotta get that. 1147 01:00:36,330 --> 01:00:42,630 Plus, I've read Jonathan Franzen's four most recent novels and a bunch of his nonfiction, but I have not read this 1988 debut novel. 1148 01:00:43,050 --> 01:00:44,310 And why is this all important? 1149 01:00:44,370 --> 01:00:48,490 Because Jonathan Franzen is our next guest on 3 Books 1150 01:00:49,130 --> 01:00:50,630 Oh, yeah, baby, get ready for that. 1151 01:00:50,690 --> 01:00:52,450 That's coming up on the next full moon. 1152 01:00:53,210 --> 01:00:54,410 Now, is that it? 1153 01:00:54,870 --> 01:00:56,410 Are we done driving around St. Louis? 1154 01:00:56,610 --> 01:01:02,130 No, I gave my speech the next morning and I had one more drive to the airport left, one more drive left. 1155 01:01:02,170 --> 01:01:06,230 And this time there was a limo waiting for me outside the hotel to drive me to the airport. 1156 01:01:06,350 --> 01:01:08,710 And I'd like to introduce you to our very last St. Louis driver. 1157 01:01:08,870 --> 01:01:11,750 That would be Albano from Albania. 1158 01:01:11,950 --> 01:01:14,350 Let's get into the back of his car now. 1159 01:01:15,390 --> 01:01:21,170 So yeah, just pretty much where it all depends on where you live inner city. 1160 01:01:21,750 --> 01:01:31,110 Mostly it's hard-working civilians trying to keep up with high-end demand and low-paying jobs. 1161 01:01:31,250 --> 01:01:53,350 So they would they expect more from the person they vote in and some I would say for most of the people and I've lived in St. Louis City for over 20 years and it's heavy Democrat because they want better for themselves and better for the city areas around it have a lot of money. 1162 01:01:53,530 --> 01:01:55,830 So they want somebody that's going to help them. 1163 01:01:55,890 --> 01:02:00,930 Maybe not pay as much taxes make more money, which we all want to make more money. 1164 01:02:01,090 --> 01:02:05,930 Once you have more money that you get more right wing. 1165 01:02:05,930 --> 01:02:06,490 Correct. That's right. 1166 01:02:06,550 --> 01:02:14,610 The richer the richer the people the more right wing is what you're saying, but even though you can get more money and still be humble is still live by. 1167 01:02:15,830 --> 01:02:24,410 That's what people love Warren Buffett because Warren Buffett is like a crazy billion, but he's like super blue doing the big donations and you know, he said you don't see that from others. 1168 01:02:24,590 --> 01:02:27,170 You don't see that from us would be like the Patagonia guy 1169 01:02:27,170 --> 01:02:30,290 because the Patagonia guy taught us that you could be super 1170 01:02:30,290 --> 01:02:32,570 rich and then just give it all correct, you know, but the 1171 01:02:32,570 --> 01:02:35,290 thing is when billionaires are in charge of the donations 1172 01:02:35,730 --> 01:02:38,690 that's not good either because then you get like a billion 1173 01:02:38,690 --> 01:02:41,130 dollars for a tiny little art school a billion dollars for 1174 01:02:41,130 --> 01:02:43,570 a tiny little but then like meanwhile the hospital downtown 1175 01:02:43,570 --> 01:02:44,970 Chicago like falling apart. 1176 01:02:45,430 --> 01:02:49,190 Yeah priorities, right prior priorities. 1177 01:02:49,430 --> 01:02:53,410 We give money to the things that are not supposed to be needed. 1178 01:02:53,730 --> 01:03:11,050 So in Canada, you know, if you came to Canada 40 years ago guess what our airplanes are were in the in the run by the government, you know, but our trains are run by the government our boat, you know, everything's run by the we don't have private all this our hospitals run by the government schools are run by the government right now. 1179 01:03:11,090 --> 01:03:12,870 We're starting to get private schools. 1180 01:03:12,870 --> 01:03:14,630 Now, we're starting to get private hospitals. 1181 01:03:14,790 --> 01:03:17,950 Now, we're starting to get because everybody wants to live like the Americans. 1182 01:03:18,710 --> 01:03:21,470 Nobody lives better in the world than rich Americans. 1183 01:03:22,190 --> 01:03:23,890 That's they have the highest quality of life. 1184 01:03:24,110 --> 01:03:24,710 Look at these guys. 1185 01:03:24,850 --> 01:03:26,110 They're flying around in jets. 1186 01:03:26,550 --> 01:03:27,670 They're going to space. 1187 01:03:28,030 --> 01:03:29,670 They don't know normal. 1188 01:03:29,830 --> 01:03:30,950 They're all super fit. 1189 01:03:31,110 --> 01:03:33,270 They're all super fit. 1190 01:03:33,390 --> 01:03:34,630 That's crazy to me. 1191 01:03:34,690 --> 01:03:37,770 They're all super fit because they have time to put into it 1192 01:03:37,810 --> 01:03:44,650 Time to put into it right and they don't have to work like me every day get up at four. 1193 01:03:44,790 --> 01:03:44,910 Yes. 1194 01:03:44,970 --> 01:03:46,890 So how many hours a week are you working doing this job? 1195 01:03:47,270 --> 01:03:48,350 Well, it all depends. 1196 01:03:48,490 --> 01:03:53,150 There's days where it's really busy and there's days where it's like I'm an independent contractor. 1197 01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,170 How old are you? 1198 01:03:54,350 --> 01:03:57,090 I'm about to be 33 years from Albania. 1199 01:03:57,190 --> 01:03:57,370 Yes. 1200 01:03:57,670 --> 01:03:59,150 Born and raised? 1201 01:03:59,670 --> 01:04:01,430 Yeah, I moved here when I was 10. 1202 01:04:01,690 --> 01:04:04,350 So 22 years going on. 1203 01:04:04,390 --> 01:04:06,130 How does somebody go from Albania to st. 1204 01:04:06,230 --> 01:04:06,430 Louis? 1205 01:04:06,930 --> 01:04:13,650 Well, we went through the visa lottery that they do for countries like Albania and we had family in st. 1206 01:04:13,790 --> 01:04:21,170 Louis and we decided to move here because it was cheaper and not as cold as Cleveland, which was our second option. 1207 01:04:21,490 --> 01:04:23,030 So for somebody who's never been to st. 1208 01:04:23,090 --> 01:04:29,890 Louis before like me yesterday and who maybe is never going to come how would you describe the city to people? 1209 01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:30,890 What's the city? 1210 01:04:31,050 --> 01:04:31,730 Honestly st. 1211 01:04:31,810 --> 01:04:33,110 Louis is very multicultural. 1212 01:04:33,410 --> 01:04:35,230 It has a little bit of everybody's culture. 1213 01:04:35,910 --> 01:04:37,670 I think the immigrants that have come to st. 1214 01:04:37,730 --> 01:04:44,790 Louis have made the city better all the jobs that are thriving now is because those that didn't want to work for $5 an hour washing dishes. 1215 01:04:45,050 --> 01:04:49,150 It was the foreigners who came in and actually took those jobs with no English. 1216 01:04:49,550 --> 01:04:57,250 If there was one Albanian, let's say for example, he brought in another Albanian that didn't speak the language worked hard and a lot of them have started from nothing. 1217 01:04:57,430 --> 01:05:08,310 A lot of them have their own construction companies a lot of them do real estate different things and they even the Bosnian community Italians live in a specific area in st. 1218 01:05:08,310 --> 01:05:11,170 Louis because they moved there way in the early 90s. 1219 01:05:11,770 --> 01:05:23,550 So if you're interested like eating somewhere you have a little bit of everybody's culture if it's Indian food, if it's whatever you're craving Thai food, Albanian, you have a little bit of everybody just depends on where you're going. 1220 01:05:23,750 --> 01:05:28,610 I mean the whole city seems like it started with immigrants like you go back to the 1800s like German immigrants. 1221 01:05:29,170 --> 01:05:35,150 I mean the reason there's I went to go see this bird yesterday the Eurasian tree sparrow. 1222 01:05:35,150 --> 01:05:49,710 Okay, because German immigrants brought it over in 1870 with six other species from Europe to try to grow the birds here that they liked and only one of them survived and that one did not destroy the local ecology, but it never spread further than st. 1223 01:05:49,810 --> 01:05:52,390 Louis that are still here man. 1224 01:05:52,770 --> 01:05:53,590 You can go see them I can give you the address. 1225 01:05:53,670 --> 01:05:56,750 You spent 24 hours in st. 1226 01:05:56,830 --> 01:06:00,330 Louis and I didn't even know that I spent 23 years. 1227 01:06:00,470 --> 01:06:08,770 The first guy I met when I landed yesterday was guys did you are 630 feet cross 634 correct started 1904 World Fair was here. 1228 01:06:08,850 --> 01:06:14,890 And did you know these summer Olympics we are most people did not know the summer Olympics really he was like so interested in making me love st. 1229 01:06:14,970 --> 01:06:15,150 Louis. 1230 01:06:15,330 --> 01:06:15,770 I got it. 1231 01:06:15,910 --> 01:06:17,050 I know I do too. 1232 01:06:17,150 --> 01:06:18,470 I tell people a lot about st. 1233 01:06:18,510 --> 01:06:19,590 Louis is a great city. 1234 01:06:19,770 --> 01:06:29,290 I know it gets some wrong feel because of crime or whatever like but otherwise a lot of people say about about the crime and why is that not an issue? 1235 01:06:29,750 --> 01:06:33,130 It's it's it's an issue in certain pockets of st. 1236 01:06:33,170 --> 01:06:33,430 Louis. 1237 01:06:33,430 --> 01:06:35,830 It's not something that it's everywhere. 1238 01:06:36,270 --> 01:06:38,950 It's this happens in all of the world. 1239 01:06:39,090 --> 01:06:39,810 Not just in st. 1240 01:06:39,910 --> 01:06:43,450 Louis certain areas are more run down than others. 1241 01:06:44,210 --> 01:06:50,390 Maybe not as much money is put into those neighborhoods because maybe it's just the way others treat it. 1242 01:06:51,370 --> 01:06:57,190 Maybe not as much money from taxes going into those neighborhoods without I give them love not give them pain. 1243 01:06:57,410 --> 01:06:57,930 Absolutely. 1244 01:06:58,170 --> 01:07:02,950 Yeah, and everybody needs it like when you said your wife is it yeah teacher. 1245 01:07:02,950 --> 01:07:04,930 Yeah, I taught for eight years prior to doing this. 1246 01:07:05,010 --> 01:07:05,630 I taught math. 1247 01:07:05,790 --> 01:07:08,590 I was living in Orlando prior to coming back to st. 1248 01:07:08,670 --> 01:07:24,290 Louis during the pandemic and I taught here too for three more years and I taught inner-city students and they come from rough neighborhoods, but that doesn't mean they're not smart because people judge people by their color by their look by things like that. 1249 01:07:24,370 --> 01:07:27,570 Every kid is able to learn and to be able to succeed. 1250 01:07:27,870 --> 01:07:28,970 They can't help it. 1251 01:07:29,010 --> 01:07:31,190 They're born in a situation like that. 1252 01:07:31,310 --> 01:07:32,510 So I'm turning the engine off for a sec. 1253 01:07:32,510 --> 01:07:37,690 Yeah, my name is Albano originally from Albania have lived in st. 1254 01:07:37,790 --> 01:07:39,250 Louis for over 20 years. 1255 01:07:40,610 --> 01:07:49,250 I've went to school in Iowa got my degree in accounting moved to Orlando taught for five years there taught three more years here in st. 1256 01:07:49,350 --> 01:07:49,510 Louis. 1257 01:07:49,510 --> 01:07:53,070 I'm recently doing Luxury car service. 1258 01:07:53,290 --> 01:07:58,570 I know it's different than a professional job, but it's something I enjoy I get them. 1259 01:07:58,710 --> 01:08:00,810 Why'd you leave teaching to do limo driving? 1260 01:08:01,450 --> 01:08:13,990 Unfortunately, if teaching was something that others would care about and meaning the financial reasons a lot of the teachers that are great and what they do wouldn't leave the profession how much money when you make it as a teacher in Florida? 1261 01:08:14,110 --> 01:08:14,930 How much money you make now? 1262 01:08:15,170 --> 01:08:21,569 I started in 2014 making $42,000 in Florida after eight years of experience. 1263 01:08:21,569 --> 01:08:24,010 I was making $60,000 here in st. 1264 01:08:24,109 --> 01:08:26,370 Louis doing car service. 1265 01:08:26,590 --> 01:08:27,510 I make about double. 1266 01:08:28,149 --> 01:08:33,430 So just just shows you that not necessarily nowadays. 1267 01:08:33,649 --> 01:08:35,189 You have to get your degree. 1268 01:08:35,729 --> 01:08:38,569 It was more needed maybe 10 to 15 years ago. 1269 01:08:38,670 --> 01:08:43,729 If the high-end jobs require you to go to school to get your doctorate, I'm all for it. 1270 01:08:43,890 --> 01:08:44,810 I'm a teacher. 1271 01:08:44,930 --> 01:08:55,109 So I recommend everybody to go to school, but you can still make a very good living nowadays by doing something different something they enjoy doing. 1272 01:08:55,109 --> 01:08:55,550 We're prioritizing the wrong things in society. 1273 01:08:55,830 --> 01:09:01,310 We're saying drive around rich people's worth more double society with us to teach our young kids how to be good people. 1274 01:09:01,470 --> 01:09:04,050 That's why we end up, you know, messing ourselves up. 1275 01:09:04,170 --> 01:09:06,410 If we hollow education we lose everything. 1276 01:09:06,569 --> 01:09:07,010 Absolutely. 1277 01:09:07,410 --> 01:09:25,970 And I wish that every school in America gets not only the resources that they need especially those in inner-city schools that don't have the resources that they need, but I just wish that in general everybody puts effort towards teaching and teachers in specifically. 1278 01:09:26,229 --> 01:09:33,170 We always talk about the kids and their mental health and their state of being in the classroom, but we never prioritize the teachers. 1279 01:09:33,550 --> 01:09:33,770 Wow. 1280 01:09:33,950 --> 01:09:34,410 Thank you. 1281 01:09:35,270 --> 01:09:45,290 So this was a rougher a messier maybe a more human conversation than we usually do on the ground in the cars in a city. 1282 01:09:45,450 --> 01:09:48,310 I'd never been to before as it was happening live. 1283 01:09:48,310 --> 01:10:10,090 Obviously as you could tell I mean, I ask everybody for permission before sharing their story for recording their stories and then you know, try to stitch them together with my comments jump in because they feel kind of, you know, unglued a little bit without to help bring us all right there hearing and listening and seeing stories that we don't always see. 1284 01:10:10,410 --> 01:10:14,490 Thank you so much for exploring some of these stories with me. 1285 01:10:14,490 --> 01:10:28,490 I'm very happy to add some more books to our top 1000 from a source that wasn't I could never have predicted when I started the show and so we've got to add right now and we're getting close to number 600 people. 1286 01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:32,050 We're going to add well, first of all, we got out an asterisk, right? 1287 01:10:32,070 --> 01:10:36,230 So we're going to add an asterisk to number 674, which is the Holy Bible. 1288 01:10:36,530 --> 01:10:43,430 That's what Jacqueline gave us that was picked in chapter 110 by Kevin Kelly originally. 1289 01:10:43,430 --> 01:10:49,050 So we now have an asterisk on the Bible, not the way that that typically sounds but we've got one there. 1290 01:10:49,530 --> 01:10:56,750 We're going to add number 603, A Thousand Splendid Sons by Khalid Hosseini, which I'm thrilled to add. 1291 01:10:56,870 --> 01:10:59,230 I mean, we didn't have any Khalid Hosseini books on the list. 1292 01:10:59,310 --> 01:11:11,530 No Kite Runner yet in case anyone wants to pick that or call us at 1-833-READALOT and tell us if the Kite Runner or Khalid Hosseini book is maybe one of your most formative and then I'm just going to add because you know, we all had one there and the Bible was a duplicate. 1293 01:11:11,950 --> 01:11:14,270 So I'm going to throw Sacred Woman by Queen Afua. 1294 01:11:14,530 --> 01:11:22,250 We did not give it a sense of space on this show, but Deneane mentioned it and talks about it and I wanted to get a little bit more of her heart out there. 1295 01:11:22,450 --> 01:11:26,170 So number 602 is Sacred Woman by Queen Afua. 1296 01:11:26,370 --> 01:11:31,750 Thank you all of you so much for coming down to St. Louis with me and listening along. 1297 01:11:35,410 --> 01:11:37,510 Alright, are you still here? 1298 01:11:37,570 --> 01:11:39,450 Did you make it past the three-second pause? 1299 01:11:39,530 --> 01:11:43,730 If so, I want to welcome you back to the end of the podcast club. 1300 01:11:43,730 --> 01:11:48,450 Yes, this is one of three secret clubs, not three secret clubs, three clubs that we have for three bucks. 1301 01:11:48,730 --> 01:11:49,810 Three bucks is the name of the show. 1302 01:11:50,090 --> 01:11:51,050 So we got to have three clubs. 1303 01:11:51,330 --> 01:11:52,530 First club is the end of the podcast club. 1304 01:11:52,590 --> 01:11:53,290 I talk directly to you. 1305 01:11:53,370 --> 01:11:53,870 You talk directly to me. 1306 01:11:54,070 --> 01:11:56,190 Play your voice notes, your letters, your phone calls. 1307 01:11:56,650 --> 01:11:59,790 We got some letters from Vishwas Aggrawal coming which is going to be fun. 1308 01:12:00,850 --> 01:12:02,710 And of course, we've got the Cover to Cover Club. 1309 01:12:02,850 --> 01:12:04,170 Just drop me a line anytime. 1310 01:12:04,370 --> 01:12:05,870 Let me know if you're in the Cover to Cover Club. 1311 01:12:06,130 --> 01:12:10,230 That's anybody who tries to listen to every single one of the 333 chapters. 1312 01:12:10,350 --> 01:12:12,170 Remember, I was in my 30s when I started this show. 1313 01:12:12,230 --> 01:12:13,170 I'll be at 60. 1314 01:12:13,170 --> 01:12:14,630 I think I'll be 60. 1315 01:12:14,790 --> 01:12:15,710 Yeah, when I'm done. 1316 01:12:15,910 --> 01:12:18,490 So who wants to hang out for 22 years? 1317 01:12:18,550 --> 01:12:21,990 Who's up for the 2.2 decade long hang? 1318 01:12:22,110 --> 01:12:24,210 Those are Cover to Cover members. 1319 01:12:25,090 --> 01:12:27,130 And then finally, we have a secret club. 1320 01:12:28,110 --> 01:12:30,230 This is an entirely analog club. 1321 01:12:30,330 --> 01:12:31,430 It's completely crazy. 1322 01:12:31,590 --> 01:12:32,690 It cost me a bunch of money. 1323 01:12:32,710 --> 01:12:33,510 I love doing it. 1324 01:12:33,550 --> 01:12:34,310 It's super fun. 1325 01:12:35,070 --> 01:12:36,150 But how do you get in? 1326 01:12:36,390 --> 01:12:39,090 Well, you gotta call our phone number for a clue. 1327 01:12:39,250 --> 01:12:41,030 That's 1-833-READALOT. 1328 01:12:41,070 --> 01:12:42,170 That is a real phone number. 1329 01:12:42,170 --> 01:12:48,470 If that doesn't work, just drop the T at the end, readalot, because that's a superfluous T I put in there to make the sentence make sense. 1330 01:12:49,270 --> 01:12:50,790 Leave us a message is always great. 1331 01:12:50,870 --> 01:12:55,050 But also get the code word and you'll know what to do because I'll tell you what to do in the voicemail. 1332 01:12:55,150 --> 01:12:57,370 Then you can join our analog only secret club. 1333 01:12:57,490 --> 01:12:58,790 I can't say more about it now. 1334 01:12:59,130 --> 01:12:59,490 All right. 1335 01:13:00,310 --> 01:13:06,250 Now, let's kick off the end of the podcast club as we always do by going to the phones. 1336 01:13:08,710 --> 01:13:12,150 Hi Neil, this is Jennifer in Goldsboro, North Carolina. 1337 01:13:12,150 --> 01:13:19,370 I was calling with a dream guest suggestion, which is actor Paul Giamatti. 1338 01:13:19,670 --> 01:13:31,110 I heard him on another podcast and they referenced him being in front of a wall of books and he talked about how much he loved reading. 1339 01:13:31,110 --> 01:13:42,830 He has his own podcast, not about books, but he talked about how much he loved reading and it made me say, oh gosh, what are your favorite books? 1340 01:13:42,930 --> 01:13:43,950 What are your formative books? 1341 01:13:44,330 --> 01:13:46,030 But of course they didn't talk about that. 1342 01:13:46,110 --> 01:13:47,430 They just moved on to the next thing. 1343 01:13:47,990 --> 01:13:49,990 So help me, Neil. 1344 01:13:50,030 --> 01:13:50,890 You're my only hope. 1345 01:13:51,070 --> 01:13:52,370 How can we get to the bottom of this? 1346 01:13:53,110 --> 01:13:55,650 Good luck and thank you for all you do. 1347 01:13:55,790 --> 01:13:56,030 Bye. 1348 01:13:57,710 --> 01:14:09,570 Thank you so much to Jennifer from Goldsboro, North Carolina for the wonderful idea and request to get Paul Giamatti on the show. 1349 01:14:09,650 --> 01:14:10,790 I love Paul Giamatti. 1350 01:14:10,790 --> 01:14:12,870 What's your favorite Paul Giamatti movie? 1351 01:14:12,930 --> 01:14:15,830 I'm going to go with the surprising Win-Win. 1352 01:14:16,010 --> 01:14:16,870 Have you seen Win-Win? 1353 01:14:17,110 --> 01:14:23,090 I feel like that was like a relatively poorly known movie, but Leslie and I saw it in theaters and we loved it. 1354 01:14:23,350 --> 01:14:29,890 We also liked The Holdovers, which we saw more recently, of course, the Best Picture nominee, and then you can go way back. 1355 01:14:29,950 --> 01:14:31,470 There's just so many good roles. 1356 01:14:32,710 --> 01:14:37,430 He has always struck me as a really interesting guy, so consider it done. 1357 01:14:37,550 --> 01:14:39,750 The invitation is going out today. 1358 01:14:39,750 --> 01:14:42,130 I'm inviting Paul Giamatti on the show. 1359 01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:43,570 Fingers crossed. 1360 01:14:43,710 --> 01:14:44,890 Let's see if we can pull it off. 1361 01:14:44,970 --> 01:14:45,630 That would be wonderful. 1362 01:14:46,490 --> 01:14:50,350 So now it's time for the letter of the chapter, and I got good news. 1363 01:14:50,850 --> 01:14:51,770 Guess who's back? 1364 01:14:51,810 --> 01:14:59,430 It makes sense that while I was hanging out in the backseats of Jacqueline and Deneane's Ubers, guess who pops into my inbox? 1365 01:15:00,030 --> 01:15:00,930 Vishwas Aggrawal. 1366 01:15:00,990 --> 01:15:04,130 You might remember a couple chapters ago, we had a letter reaching out to him. 1367 01:15:04,130 --> 01:15:04,930 What's going on with Vish? 1368 01:15:04,970 --> 01:15:09,070 I didn't hear back and I kind of reported that, but now he's back. 1369 01:15:09,070 --> 01:15:10,590 We got some notes from Vish. 1370 01:15:11,430 --> 01:15:14,110 Hey, Neil, sorry for keeping the pace for a while. 1371 01:15:14,270 --> 01:15:17,270 It was so great knowing people still recall my work. 1372 01:15:17,470 --> 01:15:23,050 It's all your magical efforts, you know, Vish, which makes and keep very common things on the top of people's minds. 1373 01:15:23,270 --> 01:15:23,850 Thanks again. 1374 01:15:23,970 --> 01:15:24,570 Thanks very much. 1375 01:15:24,630 --> 01:15:26,190 You can, in fact, leave it at thanks. 1376 01:15:26,610 --> 01:15:28,690 Thanks can be a word enough for someone like you. 1377 01:15:28,790 --> 01:15:34,110 All I can say is God bless you ever, ever more, and all your divine efforts to touch people's lives. 1378 01:15:34,870 --> 01:15:35,590 Love you, Neil. 1379 01:15:36,870 --> 01:15:38,590 You will remain a best human. 1380 01:15:38,590 --> 01:15:41,730 As he does to us, too, as you can feel that love. 1381 01:15:41,870 --> 01:15:44,910 Now, he says, so I miss giving you an update. 1382 01:15:45,350 --> 01:15:48,150 As you're aware, I've not driven Uber anymore. 1383 01:15:48,350 --> 01:15:50,670 The last few rides I did were during the pandemic. 1384 01:15:51,010 --> 01:15:55,710 Since then, I've been trying my luck with self-employment in Canada with two different gigs simultaneously. 1385 01:15:56,030 --> 01:16:08,050 I went to school again and did a post-grad in immigration law, and I appeared for entry to practice immigration licensing from the College of Immigration and Citizenship and become a regulated Canadian immigration consultant. 1386 01:16:08,590 --> 01:16:16,030 But also, I gave multiple exams to get a real estate license and I worked in real estate initially and did a dozen odd deals. 1387 01:16:16,390 --> 01:16:20,670 But now, I'm focusing on immigration practice as real estate has downturned in Canada. 1388 01:16:21,030 --> 01:16:23,890 On the family front, my daughter, Hia, has started going to university. 1389 01:16:24,030 --> 01:16:34,130 She's currently in second year doing an honors and Bachelor of Computer Science at UTM, which is the University of Toronto, Mississauga, where Preeti, my wife, also went to school once again after having two degrees from India. 1390 01:16:34,290 --> 01:16:35,790 She took IT as a second career. 1391 01:16:36,230 --> 01:16:40,270 Currently, she works as a program manager in Home Depot at their head office. 1392 01:16:41,050 --> 01:16:42,510 Cheers, Vish! 1393 01:16:42,690 --> 01:16:55,050 Oh, it's so wonderful to connect the dots from Chapter 7 with Vishwas Aggrawal, which you haven't listened to, go back in time to Chapter 7 of the show, all the way up to Chapter 136 when we're in the backseat of Ubers again. 1394 01:16:55,190 --> 01:16:58,450 Yes, a wonderful connection through space and time. 1395 01:16:58,670 --> 01:17:03,850 Okay, and now it is time for the word of the chapter. 1396 01:17:04,310 --> 01:17:06,550 Let's head back into the show now. 1397 01:17:08,710 --> 01:17:13,750 But my philosophy now is my family is whoever loves on me. 1398 01:17:14,330 --> 01:17:16,710 Blood does not make you family. 1399 01:17:17,810 --> 01:17:18,670 You know what I'm saying? 1400 01:17:18,770 --> 01:17:19,810 It doesn't. 1401 01:17:19,970 --> 01:17:20,530 No, no, no. 1402 01:17:20,670 --> 01:17:21,350 Blood doesn't. 1403 01:17:21,510 --> 01:17:22,730 Blood makes you kin. 1404 01:17:23,070 --> 01:17:24,590 It doesn't make you family. 1405 01:17:24,710 --> 01:17:26,110 Oh, you know what I'm saying? 1406 01:17:27,070 --> 01:17:27,870 Yes, indeed. 1407 01:17:28,130 --> 01:17:29,610 It is kin. 1408 01:17:30,070 --> 01:17:48,390 K-I-N, a noun that Merriam-Webster defines as number one, a group of persons of common ancestry, semicolon like a clan, one's relatives, kindred, it says here, and that or be kinsmen, like he wasn't any kin to you. 1409 01:17:48,750 --> 01:17:55,550 As Jacqueline said, family makes you kin, but it doesn't make you family, right? 1410 01:17:55,990 --> 01:17:57,130 No, blood makes you kin. 1411 01:17:57,250 --> 01:17:59,910 She said one more time, blood makes you kin, but it doesn't make you family. 1412 01:18:00,030 --> 01:18:00,390 I don't know. 1413 01:18:00,490 --> 01:18:01,070 It's interesting. 1414 01:18:01,430 --> 01:18:08,810 You go back to the word, there's two really closely related words that are going to seem really obvious in retrospect. 1415 01:18:08,990 --> 01:18:20,590 Number one is kind, K-I-N-D, like you're from the same kind, which is an old English word from the 1200s, originally spelled C-Y-N-N, if you can believe it, but think kind. 1416 01:18:21,510 --> 01:18:23,430 What kind of person are you? 1417 01:18:23,650 --> 01:18:24,950 What kin are you? 1418 01:18:25,030 --> 01:18:35,450 I guess there's a bit of a mispronunciation with the I being long and short, but kin kind together, but also it is also a short of akin, A-K-I-N, right? 1419 01:18:37,050 --> 01:18:40,950 So that word means related by blood. 1420 01:18:41,150 --> 01:18:46,970 So when you think of the word kind, and you think of the word akin, you might not always think of kin, but we often think of kinship on the show. 1421 01:18:47,510 --> 01:18:53,790 So kin is common ancestry, but kinship, I want to say, is the love and the connection that we feel with other people. 1422 01:18:53,990 --> 01:18:56,450 That was the theme of the conversation. 1423 01:18:56,450 --> 01:19:16,930 I felt so much love and connection going down there with Jacqueline, Deneane, Albano, and hanging out with you in the backseat of a number of different cars in St. Louis as we truck around the country, as we soak through the world that we're living in these short 30,000 days and try to connect and reach out and touch and feel the love and feel the energy of so many people around us. 1424 01:19:17,670 --> 01:19:19,170 I love this chapter. 1425 01:19:19,310 --> 01:19:19,850 It was special. 1426 01:19:19,930 --> 01:19:20,730 It was different. 1427 01:19:20,870 --> 01:19:39,970 It was a lot of fun, but now we're going to go back next chapter 137 with Jonathan Franzen to go deep into the giant mind that is maybe one of the arguably the best novelists in the world today, but everyone's got an opinion about that, but he's certainly in one of the tops. 1428 01:19:40,090 --> 01:19:51,230 We're going to go there next time and that's going to be a lot of fun, but until then, until the next full moon in June, remember that you are what you eat and you are what you read. 1429 01:19:51,670 --> 01:19:55,010 Keep turning that page, everybody, and I'll talk to you soon. 1430 01:19:55,250 --> 01:19:55,750 Take care.