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You are listening to Psych
to Parent where we turn brain

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science into tiny wind at home.

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I'm Dr. Amy, your not so typical
school psychologist, mom of

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two and endurance athlete.

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I love a good data set and a diagnostic
manual, but I also forget permission

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slips, overthink IEP emails and
occasionally replay the moment

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I snapped at my kids in the car.

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In other words, I'm in
the messy middle with you.

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Not above it.

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This show is for parents of big
feeling, big thinking, kids who

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are tired of vague advice and
Pinterest perfect behavior charts.

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Each episode, I'll pull back the curtain
on what I see in real evaluations,

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school meetings, my private practice
and my own kitchen, and translate

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the research into simple script.

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Tiny routines and nervous system
friendly tweaks you can actually use.

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Think of it as a nervous system.

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Rehab meets mindset coaching
meets a smart, slightly spicy,

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non judgy friend in your earbuds.

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We'll take one real life challenge
at a time and shrink it down

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into one or two tiny wins.

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You can start this week.

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No perfection, no 47 step sticker systems.

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Just small repeatable shifts
that add up over time.

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Quick Legalish note in plain English,
this podcast is for education and support.

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It's not therapy.

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It does not create a clinical
relationship, and it's not a

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substitute for personalized
medical or mental health advice.

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If you're worried about your child safety
or mental health or your own, please

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reach out to a trusted professional.

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Okay?

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Deep breath.

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Drop your shoulders.

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You're not behind and you're not alone.

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Let's get psyched to parent.

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you know that moment where you wanna be
the fun parent, like your kid is obsessed

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with something and you're like, same.

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I get it.

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Let's geek out together.

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This week I met a family and their
kiddo is deeply into Legos, not just

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any Legos, though they are obsessed
with the home alone Lego House set.

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And I'm sitting there thinking,
okay, first of all, excellent taste.

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And second of all, can we please talk
about the best home alone moment?

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Are you a paint can kind of family or
are you a micro machines on the floor?

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Family.

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What about the tarantula Scream?

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Because honestly, that movie is
basically a masterclass in tiny

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problems turn into big chaos, which
if you're parenting and an elementary

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school aged kid is kind of familiar.

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Right.

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And then because.

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I am who I am.

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I'm also thinking, I love home alone.

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I love Legos.

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I wanna say yes, get the set.

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It's epic.

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I support this dream.

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I have it too in the
book to put it together.

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It's like this big.

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It's awesome.

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I love it.

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And also though, we still need to brush
our teeth, we need to tie our shoes.

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We still need the basic life skills
that make mornings and bedtimes

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not feel like a full contact sport.

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Now the kiddo I met is amazing.

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There's some neurodiversity there
with some rigidity, and she can have

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a really hard time initiating tasks.

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That's like starting something for her.

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Starting is the mountain.

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Sometimes.

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She's a little passive in her
life and her parents were like.

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We don't just want her doing chores.

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We want her to be an active participant in
her life, to take initiative, to practice,

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and to be able to say things like, I can
do hard things to feel proud of herself

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and not like she's always making mistakes.

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So we built a simple chart system
that helps her practice those skills

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while she earns towards something,
she genuinely cares about Legos, and

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that's what we're doing in this episode.

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Because if you've ever tried a sticker
chart, a chore checklist, a skylight

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routine, a whiteboard, a laminated
chart with the cutest little icons on

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it, and it worked for a few days, and
then it kind of not so much anymore.

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After a week, you're in the right place.

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Welcome back to Psych to Parent.

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I'm Dr. Amy, parent coach,
school psychologist, mom of two.

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Home alone lover and DURs athlete.

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In this episode, we're talking about
sticker charts, behavior charts,

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reward charts, chore checklists,
whatever you call it in your house.

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But we're not doing the Pinterest version.

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We're doing the version that works for
real families with real kids in real life.

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By the end of this episode, you'll
have clear directions for how to

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implement a sticker chart so your child
can actually be successful with it.

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And so you are not pulling
your hair out at the end of it.

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This episode is especially for parents
of kids who are in elementary school.

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I'm thinking for kids who are in
kindergarten through about fifth

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grade, where kids are looking to do
things to be able to contribute around

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the house and want to help, and they
like being able to earn something

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for the hard work they put in.

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And here's the cool part.

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This is one of those rare parenting
tools that truly bridges what happens

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at home and what happens at school.

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Schools use sticker charts and
reinforcement systems all the

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time to teach skills and support
behavior in the school setting.

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So we're going to borrow what works
from school and make it doable at home.

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Now before we get into it, I
gotta tell you a simple truth

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about why sticker charts die.

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Let's name the truth.

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Sticker charts usually die for two reason.

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Reason number one is the
reward is too far away.

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A lot of charts are like, do
this every day for two weeks,

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and then you get the thing.

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Here's the problem with that.

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It can work for some kids, but for a
lot of elementary school age kids, but

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especially kids who may have anxiety,
A DHD, maybe they're rigid, easily

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overwhelmed, big feeling we're just tired.

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That's just too far away to hold
in their brain when things get

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really hard and big feelings.

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The brain is not great at doing
long-term project management.

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Reason number two, why sticker
charts usually fall apart.

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The plan is too complicated.

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Parents accidentally build a system
that requires administrative support.

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A family once told me they had 42
chores on their skylight every day.

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42. I was like, what?

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Respectfully, no, that's not a chart.

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That's an unpaid internship.

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And then the parent becomes the
manager of the internship, which is

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not what any of us signed up for.

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So if your chart is failing,
I need you to hear this.

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You're not failing.

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The system needs debugging.

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Your child isn't proving
sticker charts don't work.

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They're giving you information.

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This is too big or too confusing.

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It's too hard to start.

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It doesn't feel possible when I'm upset.

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The reward is basically imaginary to
me right now because it's so far away.

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That's actual useful data.

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Let's talk about the brain-based
reason why charts do work.

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At its simplest core level, a
sticker chart is a clear deal.

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If you do X, then I earn Y. That's it.

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If I do X, then I earn Y, and
one of my favorite tests is this.

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Your child should be able to explain
the plan to a stranger, not with perfect

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words, not like a tiny little lawyer,
but something like When I brush my teeth

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and put my shoes away, I get a star.

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When I get five stars,
I get extra Lego time.

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That's it because clarity reduces arguing.

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Clarity reduces anxiety.

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Clarity reduces that.

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Wait, what counts?

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Kinda spiral That can happen.

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Now, here's the school psych
lens that makes it even cooler.

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In schools, we don't just look
at behavior as good or bad.

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We ask, what is the behavior
doing for the child?

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What are they getting?

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What are they avoiding?

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Because two kids can look off task
for totally different reasons.

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So when a sticker chart isn't working, we
don't jump to how do I make them comply?

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We jump to things like, is
the expectation too fuzzy?

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Is a task too hard?

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Is initiation a barrier?

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Is the payoff too far away?

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Are we accidentally
reinforcing the wrong thing?

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And this lines up with classic classroom
management research that emphasizes

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clear expectations and routines,
specific feedback, and lots of chances

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for kids to respond successfully.

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We want kids to be successful.

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I want them to win the goal.

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I want them to win all the
stickers and the stars.

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I think that's what's so funny
about my practice is I want to give

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so much positive reinforcement.

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Reinforcement in general so that
people feel good about themselves.

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But then I also know in the back
of my mind, the more reinforcement

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we give, the more likelihood the
behavior will continue in the future.

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That's what I'm after.

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That's all I want.

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Let's hit that feedback loop
of positive reinforcement.

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Negative reinforcement works too.

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Reinforcement in general is amazing,
and let's kind of continue that

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process, get that cycle going so
when we feel good, we do good.

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When we do good, it pays off, makes
it easier to do the next thing.

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That might be really hard.

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Here's the thing.

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The goal is a chart that teaches a
skill, supports the routine, and makes

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success easier to access for your kiddo.

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I like to use the three Cs framework.

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I like to use the three Cs
framework when it comes to

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creating a sticker chart with kids.

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Here is my simple framework for
sticker charts that don't die.

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The three C's are this
clear, concise, consistent.

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Let if you take nothing else from
this episode, take the three C's.

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Clear, concise, consistent.

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Let's break 'em down.

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C number one is clear.

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Start with one to three target behaviors.

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Max, not 10, not 12.

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Definitely not 42 because your kid is not
a tiny adult With a planner and a color

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coded to-do list, pick the one thing that
would make your day noticeably easier.

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Make it tiny and observable
instead of be responsible.

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Try put your shoes in the bin after
school instead of get ready for bed.

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Try brush your teeth and pajamas on.

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Instead of be kind.

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It might be use a one sentence do over.

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And if initiation of a task is
hard, make the goal even smaller.

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Start when the timer goes off.

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Pick up the toothbrush
and walk to the sink.

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Sit at the table and open the folder.

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Because for lots of kids,
starting is the skill.

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And yes, you can reinforce starting.

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That's not lowering the bar, that's
teaching the first step of a skill ladder.

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Here's the parent test again.

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Can your child explain
the plan to a stranger?

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If it requires a TED talk,
it's too complicated.

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C number two, close.

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This is the biggest momentum killer
when the reward is too far away

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in big feeling kiddos, long-term
rewards feel like they disappear.

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So we wanna shorten the
distance to success.

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Now, there's two easy ways we can do this.

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Option one can be mini
rewards along the way.

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Think of it as like earn
and spend in small chunks.

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One star equals they get
to choose a bedtime story.

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Two stars, they get 10 minutes
of Lego time, three stars.

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They pick music in the
car, maybe five stars.

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They have movie night and Friday pizza.

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It's really whatever you want it to be.

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You're the parent.

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You get to pick the reinforcers.

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And the rewards with
some input from your kid.

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If you're saving up for a bigger reward,
like the home alone Lego set, that's fine.

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That's awesome.

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I love this.

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But add many wins so the system
doesn't feel like it's one

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long, dry stretch of effort.

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Then it feels like it takes so long,
and the motivation to do the things

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on the checklist, I feel really hard.

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I kind of like, why am I doing this?

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It doesn't matter.

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It's not gonna happen anytime soon.

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But when we have some mini
things in the way, that can help

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us feel a little bit better.

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Another option that's really helpful
for kids is something visual, like

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a thermometer or a coloring bar.

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This is one of my favorite K five hacks.

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00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:05,618
You can get a big thermometer, um,
starting at zero all the way to a

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hundred and divided into equal sets.

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00:12:08,768 --> 00:12:11,438
And each time they earn a certain
level, they get to color it in.

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00:12:11,558 --> 00:12:15,668
So you can see when you're at
10%, 15%, 20%, whatever, and

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00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,198
the progress becomes visible.

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00:12:17,498 --> 00:12:22,053
It can be something that you put on the
kitchen, refrigerator, it, maybe it hangs

247
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,288
on the back door of the kid's bedroom.

248
00:12:24,288 --> 00:12:27,828
Maybe it's something that's taped
up in the bathroom by the mirror

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00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:29,058
while we were brushing our teeth.

250
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:33,288
When progress is visible, it
becomes, I'm getting closer.

251
00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:37,578
It makes me want to do the things
because I feel like I'm almost there.

252
00:12:37,578 --> 00:12:38,598
I'm making some progress.

253
00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:39,498
I can see it's working.

254
00:12:40,038 --> 00:12:43,008
Does anybody else like to pressure wash
your house or your driveway, and you

255
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:44,598
can see the lines as you pressure wash.

256
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:45,858
It's like, oh, it's so satisfying.

257
00:12:45,858 --> 00:12:48,558
It's like, oh, I can see the
effort is go, is paying off.

258
00:12:48,888 --> 00:12:50,208
It's kind of the same thing
with the sticker chart.

259
00:12:50,808 --> 00:12:53,658
The final C is number three is consistent.

260
00:12:54,258 --> 00:12:58,248
This is where charts fail because
the adult system collapses.

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00:12:58,818 --> 00:13:03,438
So we wanna design a plan that you
can run on a real Tuesday when you've

262
00:13:03,438 --> 00:13:05,268
had work all day and you're tired.

263
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,388
So we design it so you can
run it on a real Tuesday.

264
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,958
So rule number one is track
at the same time every day.

265
00:13:12,018 --> 00:13:13,668
Maybe it's after school snack.

266
00:13:13,728 --> 00:13:15,228
Maybe it's after brushing your teeth.

267
00:13:15,588 --> 00:13:17,208
Maybe it's before we use screens.

268
00:13:17,268 --> 00:13:20,418
Pick one where it's easy, but you
do it every day at the same time.

269
00:13:21,018 --> 00:13:24,678
Rule number two, make it physically
easy for you as an adult.

270
00:13:25,308 --> 00:13:28,728
Maybe it's stickers on the
fridge, marker on the counter,

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00:13:28,968 --> 00:13:30,648
the charts at the kid eye level.

272
00:13:31,248 --> 00:13:34,638
Maybe it's a location where it's easy
for you to access like the kitchen.

273
00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:39,108
If you have to hunt down supplies
or log into an app, reset a

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00:13:39,108 --> 00:13:42,108
password and find your phone,
you're not going to do it forever.

275
00:13:42,408 --> 00:13:43,428
That's not a character flaw.

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00:13:43,428 --> 00:13:44,388
That's being human.

277
00:13:44,988 --> 00:13:51,048
Rule number three, early on, success
should be common when you launch the

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00:13:51,048 --> 00:13:52,903
chart, your kids should win a lot.

279
00:13:53,598 --> 00:13:55,848
We're building skills and
confidence in your kid.

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00:13:56,538 --> 00:14:01,158
This is especially important for kids who
already feel like they're bad at routines.

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00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:06,338
All right, let's talk about using behavior
charts or reinforce their charts, star

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00:14:06,338 --> 00:14:07,478
charts, whatever you wanna call it.

283
00:14:07,508 --> 00:14:11,288
And let's talk about some triage
and how we can kind of debug the

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00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:12,818
system when things go sideways.

285
00:14:13,418 --> 00:14:17,078
One of the common things I hear
is when kids don't wanna start.

286
00:14:17,528 --> 00:14:22,778
So this is where we might wanna make
starting the target behavior and we

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00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:28,328
shrink the first step and we can use
things like first then for example, first

288
00:14:28,328 --> 00:14:34,418
toothbrush in hand, then sticker first
shoes on, then star if your kiddo melts

289
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:39,908
down, we wanna move the reward closer,
reduce the demand, and do comb first.

290
00:14:40,508 --> 00:14:43,778
Because your sticker chart
is not going to out muscle.

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00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:47,918
A flooded nervous system with
your kiddo if they argue forever.

292
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,948
Reward the doing, not the debate.

293
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:54,518
Use one sentence and
repeat it if you can't.

294
00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:55,208
Keep up.

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00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:59,888
Cut the plan down to one
behavior, one daily check-in.

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00:15:00,248 --> 00:15:00,788
That's it.

297
00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:05,288
A good system is boring,
and boring is sustainable.

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00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:08,083
So let's talk about some real life
examples that make this concrete.

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00:15:08,683 --> 00:15:11,683
One of my favorite things I love to
ask about when I have an intake session

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00:15:11,683 --> 00:15:14,623
with parents is I like to ask about
riding a bike with no training wheels.

301
00:15:14,703 --> 00:15:16,773
And I like to ask about being
able to brush their teeth.

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00:15:17,253 --> 00:15:20,043
So this first example is teeth and shoes.

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00:15:20,073 --> 00:15:23,043
This is for kids who might have a
difficult time with initiation of a task.

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00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:25,263
So targets we're gonna choose one or two.

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00:15:25,263 --> 00:15:28,803
So in this case, I might choose
brush teeth, um, with start with the

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00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:31,773
morning or at night, and then shoe
practice timeing for 30 seconds,

307
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:32,823
or just trying the first step.

308
00:15:33,423 --> 00:15:35,493
And then they can earn
a star for completion.

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00:15:36,033 --> 00:15:37,683
That five stars equals a mini reward.

310
00:15:37,683 --> 00:15:40,503
And then 20 stars can be a big
reward contribution, right?

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00:15:41,283 --> 00:15:45,553
We might use things like a timer
saying things first, then, giving

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00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,893
some choice where we don't really
care what choice they make.

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00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,383
Do you wanna brush your teeth
first or put your pajamas on first?

314
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:54,043
And yes, if your kid is Lego
motivated, we're using that.

315
00:15:54,163 --> 00:15:58,303
We can be nerdy and functional and we're
building the set and the life skills.

316
00:15:58,903 --> 00:16:02,383
Also, I think something really important
here is tying shoes isn't one skill.

317
00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:05,233
It is a bunch of micro
skills that are stacked.

318
00:16:05,683 --> 00:16:08,953
So you can reinforce the steps
of shoe tying and the effort

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00:16:08,953 --> 00:16:10,153
that your child puts into it.

320
00:16:10,753 --> 00:16:11,893
Practice counts.

321
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:16,453
Another commonplace, where I see
using things like charts is around

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00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,433
language and having kind words.

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00:16:18,823 --> 00:16:21,883
So the target might be
using one do over sentence.

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00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,183
Instead of saying something
like, be kind all day, that's

325
00:16:25,183 --> 00:16:26,553
just too big and too vague.

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00:16:26,913 --> 00:16:32,403
So a visual could be a 10 box
thermometer, and the reward might be

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00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:34,323
Friday pizza and family movie night.

328
00:16:34,713 --> 00:16:37,923
Or maybe your kid gets to choose
like the family activity on Friday.

329
00:16:38,523 --> 00:16:42,153
This is a great homeschool shared
target because teachers can notice it

330
00:16:42,153 --> 00:16:44,703
quickly too and report back to you.

331
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:47,283
Here are some pairing scripts
that you can borrow from me.

332
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,803
Keep 'em short and say them calmly.

333
00:16:50,373 --> 00:16:51,273
Use 'em when you need 'em.

334
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:54,543
Script number one, I call the clear deal.

335
00:16:55,143 --> 00:16:56,043
Here's the deal.

336
00:16:56,643 --> 00:16:59,043
When you do X, you earn one star.

337
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,443
When you get five, you earn.

338
00:17:01,443 --> 00:17:01,923
Why?

339
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:05,283
Script Number two is great
when starting is the skill.

340
00:17:05,883 --> 00:17:09,063
You don't have to do it
perfectly Today, the goal is

341
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:11,853
starting, starting earns the star

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00:17:12,453 --> 00:17:12,843
script.

343
00:17:12,843 --> 00:17:15,543
Number three, choice inside structure.

344
00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:18,603
Do you want shoes first or teeth first?

345
00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:22,328
Either way, when it's
done, you earn your star.

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00:17:22,928 --> 00:17:25,028
Script number four, do overtone.

347
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,548
Try that again with kind words.

348
00:17:28,238 --> 00:17:31,898
Keep you can keep your No,
we're practicing the tone

349
00:17:32,498 --> 00:17:32,888
script.

350
00:17:32,888 --> 00:17:35,258
Number five, calm protects the plan.

351
00:17:35,858 --> 00:17:38,113
We'll talk charts when
your body is calmer.

352
00:17:38,713 --> 00:17:44,028
Right now we're doing calm first
script number six, preview the win.

353
00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:45,253
You're close.

354
00:17:45,853 --> 00:17:48,253
After this, you get to
color your thermometer box.

355
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,413
Let's go get your progress.

356
00:17:51,013 --> 00:17:55,813
And remember, if you're repeating
yourself 18 times, the system

357
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:59,368
probably needs to be simplified or
the first step may need to be Smaller

358
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:03,263
schools use sticker charts and
reinforcement systems all the time to

359
00:18:03,263 --> 00:18:07,763
reinforce skills and routines, especially
when a student is working on things like

360
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:12,953
transitions, directions, work completion,
interactions with his or her peers.

361
00:18:13,403 --> 00:18:16,673
So you can use that as a
bridge between home and school.

362
00:18:17,273 --> 00:18:20,243
Sometimes it can be helpful to gather
data from what the school's seeing.

363
00:18:20,783 --> 00:18:23,873
Here's an example of an email
that you can send to this teacher.

364
00:18:24,473 --> 00:18:27,598
We're using a simple chart at
home to support my child's.

365
00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:32,758
Homework completion, like kind
words, starting tasks or following

366
00:18:32,758 --> 00:18:33,928
directions the first time?

367
00:18:34,528 --> 00:18:39,028
What motivates my child at school right
now and what language or routines help

368
00:18:39,028 --> 00:18:40,498
them be successful with this goal?

369
00:18:41,158 --> 00:18:45,838
I'd love to align what's working with
school and use it at home if your

370
00:18:45,838 --> 00:18:48,298
child already has a school system,
you can see something like this.

371
00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:52,678
Can you share the expectations and what
reinforcement looks like at school?

372
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:55,078
We're trying to use the
same language at home.

373
00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:57,453
This is how skills generalize.

374
00:18:57,843 --> 00:19:01,623
Same expectations, same
language, two different settings.

375
00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:02,583
All right.

376
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:03,663
Let's talk tiny wins.

377
00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:04,833
Remember, pick one.

378
00:19:04,953 --> 00:19:05,763
One is enough.

379
00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:06,783
Tiny win.

380
00:19:06,783 --> 00:19:11,013
Number one, pick one micro
skill to focus on, not five.

381
00:19:11,313 --> 00:19:13,983
What's one thing that will make
your life just a little bit easier?

382
00:19:14,583 --> 00:19:15,063
Tiny win.

383
00:19:15,063 --> 00:19:18,033
Number two, move the reward closer.

384
00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:20,793
Maybe there's a small win
at three to five stars.

385
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:21,843
Tiny win.

386
00:19:21,843 --> 00:19:25,053
Number three, if
initiation is the barrier.

387
00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:27,753
Make the start count.

388
00:19:28,323 --> 00:19:30,393
Sometimes it's just getting
started on the task.

389
00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:31,498
Tiny one.

390
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:34,023
Number four, choose one.

391
00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:39,753
Tracking time that you can sustain
before bedtime, after homework at dinner.

392
00:19:39,753 --> 00:19:43,023
Table one that works for you
and that you can sustain.

393
00:19:43,623 --> 00:19:44,823
Boring is predictable.

394
00:19:45,453 --> 00:19:47,883
It's easy to get into a routine tiny win.

395
00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:48,233
Tiny way?

396
00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:51,593
Number five, send one
alignment question to school.

397
00:19:52,193 --> 00:19:54,203
What motivates my child
right now at school?

398
00:19:54,803 --> 00:19:55,493
Pick one.

399
00:19:55,643 --> 00:19:56,513
One is enough.

400
00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:01,433
If this episode made you feel seen,
share it with a friend, especially

401
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,013
a parent whose sticker chart is
currently mocking them from the fridge.

402
00:20:04,613 --> 00:20:09,413
And if you wanna help translating school
systems, testing language, and what to

403
00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:14,003
ask when you're not sure what the school
should be doing, grab my free toolkit.

404
00:20:14,453 --> 00:20:18,413
School psych in your back pocket,
the school testing toolkit K 12.

405
00:20:19,013 --> 00:20:22,703
And make sure you join the tiny Ones
email list so you can keep building these

406
00:20:22,703 --> 00:20:24,923
small systems without doing it alone.

407
00:20:25,673 --> 00:20:27,083
The links are in the show notes.

408
00:20:27,683 --> 00:20:32,123
Today we took sticker charts and
chore checklists out of the Pinterest

409
00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:36,383
category and put them into the
school's uses to teach skills category.

410
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:41,873
You've got the three C's, clear,
close, consistent, so that your plan

411
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:46,013
doesn't become a 42 item monster,
and your kid isn't trying to earn a

412
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:47,573
reward that's a million miles away.

413
00:20:48,173 --> 00:20:51,893
When they're in big feelings mode,
you've got a triage, debugger and

414
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:56,153
scripts you can use when you're tired
and you don't wanna negotiate and listen.

415
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,763
Your kid doesn't need a home alone style.

416
00:20:58,763 --> 00:21:01,163
Booby trap, obstacle course
to get through bedtime.

417
00:21:01,763 --> 00:21:02,903
We're going for a home alone.

418
00:21:02,903 --> 00:21:06,413
Lego set energy with way fewer
micro machines on the floor.

419
00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:10,348
Small steps, visible progress,
calm, follow through.

420
00:21:10,948 --> 00:21:14,043
We will keep making the homeschool
puzzle less mysterious together.

421
00:21:14,763 --> 00:21:16,293
One better question at a time.

422
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,113
One same kid, different
math reminder at a time.

423
00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:21,783
One reset before request after school.

424
00:21:22,443 --> 00:21:27,843
One dot log sentence, one email that's
clear and firm without being a novel.

425
00:21:28,443 --> 00:21:32,013
And the next time you sit at that
tiny round table in that tiny chair.

426
00:21:32,253 --> 00:21:37,443
Remember, schools have expertise and
you are the expert on your child.

427
00:21:38,043 --> 00:21:39,453
Your insight is not extra.

428
00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:40,713
It's essential.

429
00:21:41,313 --> 00:21:42,363
You're not behind.

430
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:47,673
You're building a partnership and you're
building skills, yours and theirs.

431
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,273
One small doable step at a time.

432
00:21:51,873 --> 00:21:52,863
Until next time, friends.

433
00:21:57,543 --> 00:21:59,493
Thank you for hanging out
with me on Psych to Parent.

434
00:21:59,733 --> 00:22:00,603
I'm Dr. Amy.

435
00:22:00,633 --> 00:22:04,653
You're not so typical school psychologist
and I'm genuinely glad you're here

436
00:22:04,653 --> 00:22:08,523
doing this work instead of quietly
white knuckling it and blaming yourself.

437
00:22:09,273 --> 00:22:11,493
Your tiny win from
today's episode is simple.

438
00:22:11,973 --> 00:22:14,193
Do not overhaul your
entire parenting style.

439
00:22:14,703 --> 00:22:19,113
Pick one idea, one sentence, or
one tiny shift, and try it in

440
00:22:19,113 --> 00:22:20,553
a low stakes moment this week.

441
00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:24,738
Then notice what changes,
even if it is just by 1%.

442
00:22:25,698 --> 00:22:28,488
If you want more support, head
over to site to parent.com.

443
00:22:29,028 --> 00:22:32,298
You'll find show notes, simple
scripts and parent friendly guides

444
00:22:32,298 --> 00:22:33,588
that go with these episodes.

445
00:22:34,008 --> 00:22:37,063
While you're there, make sure you
join the Tiny Wins mailing list.

446
00:22:37,403 --> 00:22:41,273
So you get weekly brain-based
tips, real life examples.

447
00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:45,263
From my work with families and first
dib on new workshops and resources,

448
00:22:45,353 --> 00:22:48,503
it's the easiest way for us to
stay connected beyond the podcast.

449
00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:51,443
If this podcast was helpful,
it really does matter.

450
00:22:51,443 --> 00:22:55,073
When you tap, follow or subscribe,
leave a quick review or text it

451
00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:58,193
to a friend who is parenting a
big feeling, big hearted kid too.

452
00:22:58,733 --> 00:23:01,583
This podcast is for
education and encouragement.

453
00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:05,423
It is not therapy and it's not a
substitute for individualized care.

454
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:09,233
If you're worried about your child
or yourself, please reach out to a

455
00:23:09,233 --> 00:23:10,943
trusted professional in your area.

456
00:23:11,663 --> 00:23:14,093
You are not behind, you are not broken.

457
00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:15,803
You're building something new.

458
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,573
One tiny one at a time.

459
00:23:18,113 --> 00:23:20,663
I'll see you in the next
episode, probably with a cold

460
00:23:20,663 --> 00:23:22,853
coffee in hand, cheering you on.