1
00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,960
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.

2
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:17,750
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

3
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:27,340
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

4
00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:32,430
Of the many essays I have published over the years, few have ever upset as many people

5
00:00:32,430 --> 00:00:37,300
as this one. As soon as I shared it, my inbox was flooded with furious messages from 

6
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:41,790
people angrily withdrawing their support of my work, claiming there is such a thing as

7
00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:45,540
too much acceptance, tolerance, and compassion. And this, apparently,

8
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:50,090
is where they draw the line. It surprised me because the message is all about kindness, 

9
00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:54,500
patience, gentleness, growth, and open mindedness, so I didn't think recording it

10
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,710
would require a disclaimer, but here it goes: 

11
00:00:57,710 --> 00:01:02,010
We do not need to agree on everything; it would actually surprise me if we do.

12
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:06,630
The intention behind my reflections is to provide food for contemplation,

13
00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:11,480
inviting you to think without telling you WHAT to think. If it gives you pause, 

14
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,260
for better or worse, then I'm doing my job.

15
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:18,930
If you agree, then wear it, so to speak, and if you disagree, then skip it.

16
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:21,320
At no point is it necessary to attack.

17
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:26,530
So, I'm glad the feedback wasn't ALL negative. A few people have expressed their gratitude

18
00:01:26,530 --> 00:01:30,310
for openly discussing a matter that intimately hits home for them.

19
00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:32,730
And you know me... if one person in the world

20
00:01:32,730 --> 00:01:37,110
feels less alone and more loved and accepted because of our discussions,

21
00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:38,730
then I stand by my work.

22
00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:43,060
If I say something that is offensive, then, by all means, call me out on it, please.

23
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,960
But just because we may be in disagreement 

24
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,950
about a few topics, does not make us enemies. Perhaps that is part of the 

25
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:53,300
learning curve as well. Thank you for keeping an open heart and mind.

26
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:57,880
I've had my driver's license for 30 years, but I wrote this while on a book tour around

27
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,910
New Zealand and Australia, where for a couple of months, I was driving on the 

28
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:06,770
opposite side of the road. I constantly had to remind myself to KEEP LEFT because I'm 

29
00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:09,760
so accustomed to driving on the other side.

30
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,270
 Every time I wanted to signal that I was about to change lanes or make a turn, I ended up

31
00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:18,770
flipping on the windshield wipers instead, because those levers are also swapped.

32
00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:22,430
I got better each day, but there was definitely a learning curve.

33
00:02:22,430 --> 00:02:26,940
Actually, since I was trying to break old habits, it's more of an UN-learning curve.

34
00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:30,450
And let me tell you, when other drivers on the road were gentle with me when I made a

35
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:34,900
mistake, it was easier for me to be gentle with myself as well. Having grown up in

36
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:40,340
San Francisco, which is very culturally diverse, and after years of worldwide travel, 

37
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:44,930
during which I met people from all walks of life, I consider myself rather open-minded

38
00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:50,470
and supportive of everyone's path. My intention is to never hurt or offend anyone,

39
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:53,480
but, intention and impact don't always align.

40
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,500
I recently spent the day with someone who identifies as non-binary (gender neutral),

41
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,230
which was a first for me. 

42
00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:05,230
And even though I used the correct pronoun for the first two days, I then slipped and

43
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:08,360
referred to them by the gender they were assigned at birth, 

44
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:13,240
because they visually presented in a way that fit outdated cultural attributes of what

45
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,130
used to be strictly feminine or masculine.

46
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:20,070
It was an honest mistake to make, like reaching over my left shoulder for the

47
00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:24,080
seatbelt every time I got in the car in Australia, even though the seatbelt has

48
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:28,490
clearly been over my right shoulder since February. I feel silly for making those 

49
00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:32,670
mistakes when I already know better, but there is still a learning curve.

50
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:38,420
People much farther back than Boy George in the 1980s, or Harry Styles as recently as last

51
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:43,690
week, have been ushering us towards a more inclusive rather than exclusive future,

52
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:48,780
liberating us from the confines of gender rigidity of how things used to be.

53
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:52,460
I truly believe the most dangerous sentence in any language is... 

54
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:54,490
"...but we've always done things this way."

55
00:03:54,490 --> 00:03:57,400
And yet, again, there is still a learning curve.

56
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,800
Have you ever been home when the power went out, so you walked to the kitchen or the

57
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,740
garage to get candles, and when you entered the room, you instinctively flipped the light

58
00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:10,430
switch, even though you knew it wouldn't work because the power was out.

59
00:04:10,430 --> 00:04:14,340
It's why you were in the garage looking for a flashlight in the first place. Flipping the 

60
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:20,010
light switch was purely instinctual. It wasn't stupid or ignorant, it was just a reflex.

61
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,840
When I used the wrong pronoun while

62
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:26,340
speaking with someone whose physical appearance fit my own outdated idea of what 

63
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:31,310
I thought was gender specific, but in this case was not the gender with which they identify,

64
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:35,330
It was just like flipping the light switch during a power outage. Again, it wasn't

65
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:38,220
stupid or ignorant, it was just a reflex.

66
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:42,380
What I appreciate is that when I used the incorrect pronoun, the other person didn't

67
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:47,580
react with hostility. They gently corrected me with kind understanding, so I didn't beat

68
00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:52,590
myself up about making a mistake, which is another outdated instinct I'm trying to break.

69
00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:56,960
While I appreciate their patience, I wouldn't have been surprised if they had reacted with

70
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:01,900
frustration, because social change takes a long time. Trailblazing new standards,

71
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:06,450
beautiful as they may be, is frustrating, specifically because of that learning curve.

72
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:11,940
We can all use a gentle reminder to Keep Left, so to speak, or to use the correct pronoun,

73
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:13,900
and to ask for help when we need it.

74
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:18,490
Mistakes are often made with no ill intentions whatsoever. Please be gentle

75
00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:23,730
with yourself and with everyone else, even if gentleness is a brand new concept for you.

76
00:05:23,730 --> 00:05:26,290
I, myself, am trying it out for the first time.

77
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:31,510
It is liberating to leave rigidity behind and embrace the world for all the ways it CAN be,

78
00:05:31,510 --> 00:05:36,380
rather than clinging to the way it has been so far. It is a VERY steep learning curve

79
00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:42,930
for many of us. So, when you slip from time to time, and you will, just get up and try again.

80
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:46,560
For those of you who have not withdrawn your support after I shared this,

81
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,560
and the many of you who started contributing because of it, 

82
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,810
thank you for keeping this podcast free of corporate sponsorship.

83
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:57,440
It is made possible thanks to listeners like you who find value in these messages and show

84
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:03,400
their support with as little as $1 a month through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp

85
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,520
I appreciate you.  All of you.

86
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:12,880
Regardless of how you identify, you are loved, you belong, and you matter. 🙏 Namaste.

87
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:18,120
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,

88
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,350
and the Opposite of Namaste.

89
00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:24,390
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

90
00:06:24,390 --> 00:06:28,636
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

91
00:06:28,636 --> 00:06:32,880
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

92
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,710
We hope you have enjoyed this episode, 

93
00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:38,706
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

94
00:06:38,706 --> 00:06:42,900
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏