Elsie
You're listening to the A Beautiful Must podcast, your cozy comfort listen. I'm your host, Elsie Larson.
Emma
And I'm your host, Emma Chapman.
Elsie
This week, we're chatting about creating a dream life schedule that includes routines and rituals that
work together to create a highly customized dream life. I love the subject because it's something that I
need in my personal life right now, and I think it's something that can help a lot of our listeners. So,
consider this a group project. Yeah, so designing a dream life, we have these are the categories, or the
these are the bullet points. We're going to do a declutter phase, we're going to do setting up and trying
out new routines, like a testing phase, and then tweaking, experimenting until it's perfect, and then
small refreshes you can do each season to kind of keep it up. So I think that designing your life, your
routines, the way you spend your days is just as important as any other thing you could like any other
kind of glow up you could have in your life, like you want to work on your parents, you want to
redecorate your home, you want to redesign your dream life. I think this is like an equally valid one, but
I don't hear it discussed as much.
Emma
I don't either. I almost feel like people think, like, oh, I can't have that, it's like a non-starter in some
ways, and I'm always kind of like, why do you think that? Do you think no one has a dream life? No
one's allowed to have a dream life, or is it just you? I'm not.. I don't know. I've noticed that with friends,
where they're like, I just can't have that, and it's like, well, what do you mean, though? Yeah, because I
mean, I feel that too, in some ways, like I'm like, oh well, I have little kids, so I don't have any time to
myself or whatever, and it's like, okay, yeah, but like, what could you have in the season, and like,
obviously having kids was a part of my dream life, so like, you know, how can we incorporate, how can
we make this work for now, and it's going to change, because maybe that's part of it, is you need to
understand, like, it's a moving target, like, your dream life when you were 21 is probably not the dream
life you want when you're 41 and it's probably going to change when you're 61 and like it's a moving
target. Yeah, so you kind of need to refresh it and be thinking about it in that way, and embrace it,
embrace that it kind of rolls in different directions at times, and it ebbs and flows, you know.
Elsie
Yeah, I think that a lot of us have blocks, I know I have, like, what you're describing, with, like, I have
little kids, so I have that. I have a block. There are, like, several things. Like, I remember at the
beginning of this year, I said I'm going to get my nails done every two weeks, and I have only done it
one time this whole year, because I have a block, but it's like, realistically, do I have the time, money,
and capacity to make that happen if I want to? Yes, I do. It's just a mental block. Okay, so let's talk
about the declutter phase, because the first thing that we have to do is cut some other things out to
make space for the things we want. So, let's talk about screen time, because I know you have excellent
screen time, but for the majority of us, we have too much screen time, right? And whether you know, I
just think most people in life do, whether it is on your phone throughout the day, or it's like my whole
night, every night is taken up with watching TV, or yeah, or just I remember from a lot of our blogging
years, I had this habit. I don't really have this anymore. I think kids cured me, but I used to spend just
like a lot of time on my computer, kind of wasting time.
Emma
Like procrastinating, kind of.
Elsie
Yeah, because I was like, I needed to be on my computer, and like being on my computer was sort of
like the first step, but then I would just like click around, you know, and you just kind of get, and you're
just kind of like, oh, well, I need to check this, or I need to look at this, or what about this store, and like
you're like starting to just like online shop, or check Pinterest, or check your email, even checking your
emails when you're on a different task can be waste, a waste of time, or a distraction. Yeah, so I think
first of all, like decluttering your time, like figuring out, like Emma always says to do this, like audit
where you like write, which I feel like is hard to do.
Emma
It's very hard to do.
Elsie
But yeah, if you can figure out where in your day you are wasting time that you could get back, that's an
opportunity.
Emma
Well, and also just like if you're able to, what else he's talking about is kind of like a food journal. It's
where you write down how you spend all your waking time, and you would write down your sleep tube.
It's just like one big block, hopefully. And it's, it's tedious, that's why it's hard to do. It's tedious, and
sometimes an hour can go by, and you're like, what did I just do? Or, oh, I was supposed to be doing
something else, but I actually did this. Should I write that down now? I feel like I don't want you know,
similar to a food journal, if you've ever done that before, like your doctor will do it. Yeah, you can feel a
little like, yeah, you're like, feel a little. Shamed, I guess, but I think that if you just think of it as like data
collection, I'm just observing something to collect the data, I don't need to make any judgments yet.
Then I think you can better do it, but I think if you're like, you know what, that's too tedious for me, I
can't do it, it's like, okay, most phones track your screen time, so look at that, and then try to think about
how much TV you watch, because your TV doesn't really track that for you, that I know of. Maybe your
TV does, I don't know what kind of TV you have. So just do those two things, and I think that that can
help you as far as decluttering your screen time. And what we're looking for here is like, when it comes
to decluttering, let's use a different example, because I think there's can be less shame around it. When
I go into my closet and clean out my closet, I'm not going in there. The goal is not to be like, look at this
stuff I bought and didn't use. I'm such a bad person, I'm such a wasteful person. Oh, I'm so entitled. I
think I deserve new clothes. All that, you know, that's not the goal. The goal is to say, what is my using,
what am I not using, and it's to kind of help you design a closet that you're going to use all the time, and
to send that other stuff to a thrift store, or donate it, or save it for your friend's clothing exchange,
whatever. Shame is not something that's going to help you have a dream life, so you don't need to
bother with it. It's not really useful at all, so don't do it to yourself, and definitely don't do it to others. Just
collect data, so that same thing with screens. You don't need to go into it being like, I'm on my phone all
the time, and I'm a bad person. Listen, there's things to do on your phone that are awesome, and there
are things to do on your phone that are probably not helping you live a dream life. That is it. You don't
need to make it a judgment about you as a person, we're just trying to audit, we're just trying to collect
the data. I'm being on a tangent here.
Elsie
No, I think it's great. So, okay, let's share a little personal experience. So, decluttering, okay? So, I just
got the brick. Do you know about the.. I don't know, it's this little device, and I just.. I read about it in my
newsletter Sunday, and a lot of people responded, so I'm going to share the wisdom, the collective
wisdom. So, the brick is this little physical device where you can kind of quote unquote brick your apps
that you don't want to be on for parts of the day, so you can set like a schedule, and I kind of want to
have like my social media, because I'm one of my goals right now is to be on social media regularly, like
consistently every single day, almost. So I do want to be on it, and, like, my method in the past for
moderating was constantly deleting them. I don't want to do that right now. So I'm going to have it
where the morning time is brick, so you can use your phone, but you can't get on the apps, and then
the middle of the day is open, and I can use the social media, and then I even think I might brick my
email because of querying, like we don't have to get into it, but it's like it's not a good space for me right
now at all times, and especially when I'm like hanging out with my family and stuff, like you can get
rejections at the most terrible times. I've learned, so anyway, right before you pick up your kids, right?
Or yeah, just at times when it's just not appropriate to like go into that mode, and so it's actually really
annoying. So I might even break my email, but anyway, that is a separate thing, you can customize it,
but what the main wisdom that people are saying is that if you keep it like in your house, like on your
fridge, I haven't set mine up yet, I don't, but I think you like tap your phone or something, it like makes
them come on and off, like you put your phone in proximity with the little device, and it can, so you can
turn your apps back on, so they said to put the device like either in your garage, in your scary
basement, somewhere where it's like unpleasant and kind of inconvenient for you to go to, and then
you will only do it if you really need to. So I'm definitely going to take that advice. They said don't put it
like in your living space or your kitchen, or like somewhere that's easy to get to, because it's just too
easy to like be constantly turning it on and off. So, anyway, declutter, maybe you're not on social media,
but whatever it is that is like taking up too much space in your day. If you want to cut back, find a plan,
do it. So, the next one is brainstorming and like trying out dream routines, so I think that like my thing
with like I want to get my nails done, if I want to do that I should just do it for like I should be like I'm
going to go four appointments in a row, I'm going to go every two weeks for you know four times and
then I'll decide, like I think smaller tests help us to be able to try things, you know what I mean, in a
more productive way than to be like my new thing is I never do this, I always do that, you know what I
mean, it's too extreme.
Emma
When it's like a New Year's resolution, it's can be hard to stick to it, when it's like I'm gonna try this for a
month, it's like okay. Cool, and you don't feel as much pressure of it becoming your identity, or like this
will never end. It's like you don't really need to think about that, you're just trying it for a month, yeah, or
whatever it is, you know, four appointments, because you probably do nails. Four appointments would
probably be more like two or three months, I would think. I don't know, two months, I don't know,
Elsie
Yeah, I have been personally in kind of like a more like vulnerable little bit like down bad season in my
life, so I have been doing this a lot in my journal, but just like open a fresh journal page and write all the
things you can think of that make you happy, and then later on you can figure out which ones should I
have every week, which ones can I have every day, which ones you know, every season, and like that,
you know, there's different levels for, you know, different activities, like some things you don't need to
have every day, like you just need to be able to look forward to it, you know, once in a while, but yeah,
like just putting more, like packing your life with more of the things that bring you joy and pleasure, and
it's kind of like from our last episode, especially like those little things that aren't necessarily like costing
you money, but they're just things that like, like kind of like buying like your favorite kind of like cereal or
something like that, you know, where you just like, you just realize, like, why don't I just do this all the
time? Like, why don't I always take a bubble bath, if with what I love is a bubble bath, you know, things
like that.
Emma
Yeah, I think, too. So, something I'm thinking about with the like experimenting and brainstorming
phase, after you've decluttered, you've cleaned your plate, so now you're like ready to add stuff in,
basically, is so I think I've mentioned this, but I can't remember. So, in about a month, I think, or three
weeks, I don't know, my younger son is going to go back to daycare, and he's been out for a year now,
because we just needed to blah blah blah. I talked about it, you missed it, or you didn't, I don't know,
he's been home for a year. So I started to think about, oh, okay, so I'm gonna like have time to work
again, exciting, and so I started to like kind of make all these plans, and then I sort of immediately
started to feel really anxious about it, where I was like, How am I going to fit everything into the this day
that I didn't have at all before, and now all of a sudden I have too much to put into it, because I have all
these things I want to do, and so as I was looking at this big list that is exciting and is all things that I
want to work on, and just do, like, it's you know, I even try to get a workout in, because I have a hard
time fitting that in with my schedule. Otherwise, I just kind of need my kids out of my space in order to
do that. So, anyway, so I looked at it, and I was like, maybe just pick three and try that for a month and
see what you think, instead of being like, here's 50 goals that I haven't got to work on in a year,
because, and I'm so excited about them, but it's like, you're not gonna make it, that you're not, it's not
like you're not gonna have children at all, you're just having, you know.
Elsie
You're just gonna feel like overwhelmed and behind all day.
Emma
Just pick three, try that for a month and see what you think, and if you get to the end of the month and
you're like, I can add another thing. Great, if you get to the end of the month and you're like, this one, I
don't really think I even want that one that much. I tried it for the whole month and I think I'm gonna add
this other thing instead. I'm gonna swap it out. Great, I'll try that for a month, like that's more like how I
kind of got over the, like, where I was immediately like, I'm gonna fail, and then I've put him in there for
no reason, you know? Like, I just started to be like that way, and I was like, you need to just calm down
a little bit. How we could do this was like, just pick three, try it for a month, that's it. Yeah. No, because I
think part of what I guess what I want to say is, like, if I was going to sum it up, I would be like, a dream
life is not a fantasy life, it's a good life, but it doesn't mean you're gonna have everything, it doesn't
mean things are gonna be perfect all the time, because that's fake, you know. This is, though, a good
life, a dream life. So, it's like, what is needed, what is the most important things? Try it out, adjust it, you
know, but don't worry about like I got to fit everything in, or I'm going to do this forever. It's like, well,
maybe just try it for a little bit, though, and see, and tweak it.
Elsie
Yeah. No, I think the, the experimenting part of it is really important, kind of like I love Emma's Chanel
story. I feel like you told the Chanel story once, but it's like she, it was when we were trying to like learn
how to celebrate. We had this like big, I think it was when we got one of our apps to 10 million installs. It
was like a big achievement, a big professional achievement. And I was like, I'm gonna buy my first
designer bag, and Emma was like, I am too. And we bought these like used designer bags. I loved it. I
still have mine, but Emma got hers in the mail, and she held it in her hands, and she was like, it doesn't
feel how I thought it would feel, and she'd put it back in the mailer and sent it back. And I think that's
great too, that sometimes in life you try something that you think you're gonna love, and then it's just
not for you, and that's fine. Right, yeah, so that's part of this whole thing, is like when you see other
people, like when you see people on social media, or whatever, do it, like living some kind of life that
looks so good to you, try it, like try it, like if you can, if you have a way to like people who make matcha
every day, and it looks so gorgeous, it's like it actually, like I've tried it, like it, it didn't do for me what it
does for them, but I think that it was worth the try.
Emma
In a previous episode we were talking about our favorite vacations, favorite trips, and I talked about
how my husband and I went to a very fancy resort for our fifth wedding anniversary, I had like the
overwater bungalow, where it has like a glass floor, and you can see the ocean, and it was our most
expensive trip we've ever been on. And I didn't like it. I don't, he didn't either. Like, we just, we were like,
"Oh, we're not fancy resort people. I don't care about this at all. I love staying like at a little weird hotel,
or a boutique, or an Airbnb, and like, hike, like, hiking around, like, it's not that we're against spending
money, it was like, this is not how we want to spend our money, and so we'll probably never stay at a
fancy resort again, because we were like, oh, okay, and someone else might love that, and that's like
what they want to do, and that's what they do on their trips, and it's like, that's great, you just kind of
have to try things, and then be like, I love it, I hate it, whatever, you know, like, it's just, you don't know
till you do it, so.
Elsie
I, unfortunately, think that nice hotels are worth every penny, every penny, but that's different from
resort, though. Okay, so yeah, experiment until it's perfect. So we've talked to clutter, setting it up,
experimenting is perfect. So, now let's talk about making small tweaks each season. So, yeah, as we
go through life, our careers change, our families change, our capacity. As we get older, we get more
free time, that is, like it opens up to you. So, if you're in the, I always talk specifically to the people who
have toddlers. If you're in the toddler phase, you have probably the least amount of free time and like
just autonomy that you're going to have in your entire life, but it only lasts a few years, and then it's just
over forever. So, I think knowing what season of life you're in and what the pros and cons are of that
season, and trying to, like, make it the best life you can for that season, though. You know, tailored to it
is really smart.
Emma
I think so too.
Elsie
So, I remember one time I asked my therapist, was like, is it true that it, it gives you more, like, I don't
know what the word is, like cognitive longevity, to always be learning something new, and she said yes.
So that's one of my goals in life, is to always be learning something new, like Emma's Shark book that
she talked about in the last episode, just like things like that, you know. We're watching a documentary
every month, we're reading, you know, what we're reading all the time, we're reading all the time for
forever, because that's a good way to live.
Emma
Reading's fun.
Elsie
But yeah, like I feel like learning, and then learning to do things, like every once in a while, like I don't
want a new craft every month anymore in my life, but like every once in a while I do want to like learn a
new skill and try something, like this year I learned to do water marbling, and it was, I think, it's like
easy, but then to get like really good at it is hard. I think it's one of those things where it's like, yeah, it's
satisfying to get started, and then to get to the next level is a big, bigger curve than it looks like, but it's
very easy to get started, and it's very satisfying, and very fun. My kids enjoyed it, so yeah, I would
encourage that. Like that, you're always having one or two new things, and also visiting new places,
even if it's a local restaurant, or even if it's like something right outside of your town that you drive 30
minutes to an hour to do. Those things are really good for your brain and your memories.
Emma
Yeah, and one thing that I tell my kids, but I think it's true for adults as well, is it can be a good idea to
try something that you previously didn't like again. Ooh, like, you know, I say this to my kids because I
have some picky eaters, and you know, I'm like, you know, something you didn't like a year ago, you
might like it now. It's good to try it again, and it's as true as adults as well. There may be something that
you tried in your 20s, and now it's kind of cool in your 40s. And, like, I don't know, sometimes I think
we've, like, labeled certain activities or hobbies or pastimes by, like, ages, and that almost turns people
off. They're like, "I don't want to do pickleball, because that's for old people or something, like they have
some kind of hang up in their mind about it, and I'm like, why don't you just give something a try, or like,
you know, maybe you didn't like it before, but you do now, and it doesn't have to mean anything other
than you tried it again, and you like it now, it's just no big deal, because you know life's meant to be
enjoyed, so and then. Is sort of a weird aside, but I think, like, when it comes to designing a daily life,
like your habits that kind of help you be healthy and help you feel grounded and help you feel good, I
think it can be beneficial as a woman to remember your cycle. Oh yeah, unless you're out of that
season of life, but I just think, you know, I don't know. I feel like we didn't talk about this a lot when I was
growing up in, like, my teens and 20s, and now we're talking about it more, or at least I see it a little bit
more, and I really like that, because I, it does change the way you feel in your body, does change if
you're a woman throughout the month, and like, how much sleep you need, how much whatever, and
like, even the workouts that I enjoy most of the month, there's a couple of days that I really don't feel
like doing that, and I can really like get down on myself for that, but I'm like, why don't I think about it
more like it's this week, it's the little phase, it's the, you know, whatever, but like, just be cool with
yourself, your body is precious, it's great, and for if you're a woman, it goes through a cycle every
month, and it's, it's wild, but like work with that, and like go ahead and plan, like maybe like every day
isn't exactly the same, maybe it's a little more based on your cycle, and you know, if you live in a place
that's all four seasons, too, I think you have to think about that a little bit, like it's like work with the
environment, work with your body, work with what you have. You don't need to design, don't try to
design a dream life for, you know, a different body or a different environment. Like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm
playing all these outdoor activities in the middle of January, and I live in the Midwest. It's like, okay, I
don't think that's gonna work. Like, be realistic, and actually, if you try to be realistic, I think you can find
a lot of beauty in that.
Elsie
Yeah.
Emma
I think that life actually has really gorgeous rhythms, and you know, different times to it, and it can be
quite lovely if you let that in, as opposed to try to fight against it, which maybe no one else is doing that,
but I think I spent a good chunk of my life kind of like fighting against certain things, like I was like, I
gotta be a certain way all the time, and it's like, why don't you just go with what's happening with your
body, or what's happening with the environment, or what's, you know, and just cool it a little bit, like
maybe you'll find some beauty or some things that you love from that experience.
Elsie
No, I think that's great advice. Okay, we have a listener question from Catherine.
Emma
Catherine says, "Would love to know your opinion on the following: to fill or not to fill the space above
the kitchen cabinets, and if you say 'fill, what kind of decor do you suggest? So, Catherine's talking
about when your kitchen cabinets don't reach up to your ceiling, and you have that kind of space above
it. Sometimes it's like kind of a big space, sometimes it can be awkwardly small. I don't know what
Catherine has exactly, but that's what we're talking about.
Elsie
Yes. Okay, I'm gonna say my opinion, and then you can say yours. I think don't fill the reason why is
because I have had that before. I had some kitchens, very small, and I felt like it was like an opportunity
for storage. It ended up that everything up there was just collecting dust. So this is the one time when I
feel like the dust thing is like super valid, because kitchens are just a little more gross. You know what I
mean? Yeah, so yeah, I personally, unless you're like going for that like 90s butter mom olive garden
kind of look, and then maybe you just like it, and you put the wine bottles up there for the esthetic of it,
but yeah, if you put baskets up there, whatever, they will get gross, and I think I personally would rather
it just be clear. What about you?
Emma
Yeah, I think if you're feeling self-conscious that clear is is wrong or like not a thing, it is. It is totally fine
to leave it empty. I think I've seen it that way. I've seen it in like really high-end homes. I've seen it in
more like comfy type homes. I think it can be a choice that's perfectly fine. I think if you do fill it, yes,
you need to be mindful that that is one problem, unless you're really tall, probably not very accessible to
you. So, don't put things up there that are like a daily need, because that doesn't make sense. You're
gonna have to have a stool all the time. Maybe you have some kind of rolling ladder in your kitchen,
though. Then great, you're good, but you know otherwise. So that, and then also it will kind of collect
dust normally. So, as bloggers, a lot of times over the years, people would be like, I can't believe you
did xyz in your house, it'll collect dust. And most of the time I was always confused by this comment,
because I was like, dust is not a big problem.
Elsie
Dust is not as big of a problem as people make it out to be. I think, for like bookshelves, it's worth it, and
there's lots of things where it's worth it, but for something that you're not really using, where it's strictly
just for looks.
Emma
And in a kitchen, and in a hive space, I don't know what it is, but those areas do seem to get more
dusty. Or just kind of grimy, almost is a way to like almost like kitchen grease. I don't know, I cook a lot
of like high heat stuff. Anyway, so if you do put something up there, keep that in mind. I would even put
like baskets that I don't put anything in, if I just like esthetically want something, the space is bothering
me. I would put baskets that I think are pretty, and I wouldn't even necessarily put anything in them,
because I just want the look. I think that's totally fine too. You can do things, but you know, also, if you
do need the storage, then yeah, it's a good place to add some storage. But definitely put things that
you're not going to access all the time, or things that you like have duplicates of, like if you like. I keep a
whole bunch of candlesticks, because I only replace my candlesticks every few months, but I like to
have them. Maybe that's a place to put them, I don't know, like, but I think either way is really, really
fine.
Elsie
Yep, I agree.
Emma
If you're designing a kitchen, just make your cabinets go all the way to the ceiling, that way you don't
have to clean it or worry about it.
Elsie
I love it. I have cabinets all the way to the ceiling now, and the top cabinets are very hard to access,
and I'm not going to put anything up there that I need, but it's just, it's nice to have that extra storage for
like party things. Yeah, and like we do have some hosting stuff, I think it's a good place for stuff, like
that.
Emma
yeah, it's where, like, my, like, we have a bunch of extra wine glasses, because now and again we have
a wine pairing party with family, but it happens like once every two years, so I have a whole bunch of
those way up high that I can't really reach, but I only get them down once every two years, so yeah, it's
not really a big deal.
Elsie
It's really nice for stuff like that. Yeah, okay. Book report time. Do you have a book report?
Emma
My book this week is The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Naylor. Okay, so The Mountain in the Sea is a
science fiction, I guess, thriller. It's more heavy on the science fiction than it is the thriller, though. If
you've seen the cover of the book, well, there's a couple covers, but it has this giant octopus on it, and
it's like a giant pink-looking octopus, and the background is this green, you get the sense that it's like a
lush kind of tropical, maybe environment. So the book is kind of centered around scientists and different
people around the scientist who are studying this group of octopus octopi who have evolved enough
that they have language and culture, so there's also a character who is a very advanced android, an AI
android who has achieved consciousness, or you know, the book is a little bit about have they haven't
they, but that's where the idea is. It's a very advanced life form, very advanced android. I like to think of
Miss Data, so.
Elsie
From Star Trek.
Emma
From Star Trek: The Next Generation. Yeah, so one of my favorite science fiction movies is Arrival.
Have you ever seen it?
Elsie
Oh, hell yeah.
Emma
And that alien, not to spoil, but very much resembles an octopus, and the movie is about aliens, but it's
very much about language, and that is what I would say about this book, The Mountain and the Sea, is
yes, it's about octopus, octopi, it's science fiction, but it's very much about language, and one thing
that's really fun is there's like two books within a book, so throughout the chapters two different
scientists have like their book that they've written, their textbook kind of thing, they have little excerpts
in between each chapter, and it kind of, you know, says something about what we're, you're about to
read in the next chapter, but those were really lovely too, and it was really fun. It made, really made me
think about language, think about the role that it plays in culture, and the role that it plays in, like,
development of technology. You know, once you have written language, then, like, generations can
pass down wisdom in a way that they really can't. We only have oral tradition, and you know, just
different things. And then, of course, it's set in an area that has beautiful ocean setting, and you know
they're going down now and again to visit the octopus, and yeah, it was really fun. And then there's sort
of this subplot that's about this young man who has been stolen, trafficted, and he's now a slave on a
slave ship, and the ship is like run by an AI, no person, like an algorithm that, kind of traps them, and
you watch their journey of trying to mutiny, and are they going to be able to get off the slave ship, and
you know, and it's it sort of tied in with, with where the octopus live, and anyway, it was very fun, I
actually feel like the subplot was one of those times that it was like I was almost like more interested in
that, and I think that's a pretty good thing that an author can do, because you're like seeing that less
when it's a subplot. I had never read this author before, either, and I really loved it. I know he has other
science fiction books, I'm very interested to check those out, but it was much more literary and lovely
than I was expecting. I was expecting a little more. A Michael Crichton, you know, big science fiction
thriller, and it was a little more literary lovely than that, little more about language, and yeah, it was
really, really fun. If you like the movie Arrival and you think octopus are cool, which you should, I
recommend this book.
Elsie
I love it. I like how you're in a sea phase, yeah, everything is about the ocean.
Emma
Yeah, very much.
Elsie
Fun. I love it. Okay, my book this week was The Dollhouse by Fiona Davis, and it is a historical fiction
story that also has, like, a present day timeline, and it goes back and forth, and it's a little bit of a
mystery. It was my first Fiona Davis book, and I was excited to try it. It was fun. So, the things I liked
about it are, I do, I love New York in any kind of time period, like any kind of historical fiction that's set in
New York, I always love, and this is about the hotel that Sylvia Plath lived in for a little while, so it's like
the women who lived in that hotel, kind of what happened to them, and there's a, there's kind of a
thriller element of it, there's like a big twist, and then it's showing the hotel in the present day, where it's
become like a fancy, like you know, rentals for rich people, but there's still one floor, I think, the fourth
floor, where the women who used to live in it when it was the quote unquote dollhouse still live, so it's
like, oh, so it's like kind of like fun, because it's like the figuring out like the mystery of the elderly
women who live in the building. So it was fun. I loved it, and I will definitely read more of her books in
the future.
Emma
Fun. Okay, now we have hot take from Megan. Megan says, now for my hot take, calling certain
hobbies grandma hobbies is a way to diminish the skills of crafting. For most of human history, mostly
women have been engaged in crafts, making clothes, adornments, etc. These days, it looks like
knitting, quilting, whatever. These are skills, and not just something that grandmas do. Calling them
grandma hobbies is a way to place less importance on these skilled arts and demeans women's work. I
will die on this hill. Love it, Megan. It's good to have a hill to die on actually.
Elsie
We all need a hill to die on. Okay, so I think I'm not sure if I agree or disagree with this. I'm gonna say
my perspective. You told me if it's agree or disagree. So, when I was younger, this is like one of my, one
of my like early formative experiences with feminism, where I was like still trying to like figure it out. So,
it was when I had first started the Beautiful Mess blog, and I was sharing my very, very first DIYs, and
someone in my life was like, you should be called an artist, not a crafter, because craft, like calling it,
calling you a crafter, is kind of demeaning, it's kind of sexist, it's like, but what you're doing is really art,
and I was like, no, actually, like, I think what I'm doing is really crafts, and I don't think it's, and I actually
don't think it's bad to call crafts crafts, you know, so I don't know, so I think of it both ways, like I think
maybe they can be grandma hobbies, but obviously I agree they are skills, they're important, they're
puffs down, there's like a heritage element to it, there are levels to the skills of, you know, needlepoint
or quilting, definitely sewing. There are many different levels you can ascend to, and yeah, I don't, I
don't think anyone denies that, but I also, I don't know, I personally don't have a problem with calling my
hobbies grandma hobbies either, because I like grandmas, and I like hobbies, I like crafts, and I don't
think those words are inherently derogatory.
Emma
Yeah, I think I'd have to hear the tone with which someone calls it a grandma hobby before I would
know if I feel they're trying to diminish or not, because to me I'm like part of the problem is if you think
just saying grandma hobbies is diminishing, that I'm like, I think our culture maybe needs to refresh its
ideas on what grandmas are. Yeah, because grandmas, grandmas are cool.
Elsie
So cool.
Emma
Yeah, so like, maybe that's maybe we need to start there a little bit, but if you're just kind of saying this
is a skill that takes a lot of time, that takes a lot of skill that might take a bit of like solitude and wisdom
to like have the time to do it, so I'm calling it a grandma hobby because it means you need to be sort of
seasoned at it, that I'm like, well, I don't really view that as a problem at all, I kind of think it's a pretty
apt name, actually, so.
Elsie
The sort of things that Martha Stewart teaches, I think you could call them grandma hobbies, but also
you can acknowledge that a lot of them are are really advanced skills. I mean, gardening, I'm not even
on level one of that journey.
Emma
No, I'm just reading Elise's newsletter, like, oh wow, those flowers are pretty.. like, just learning,
learning. Yeah, that's our friend Elise Cripe, who has a really cool newsletter, and she often talks about
her garden, which is amazing. Yeah, yeah, and I don't know, I go both ways, because I think, too, like
when someone calls something a craft versus art, I don't view that as, oh, the craft is lesser, I just view
that as crafts to me it generally means like there is some utility to it, like a quilt is beautiful and artistic,
or it can be, but it's also functional. You can use it to put on your bed, so I kind of view it as just a
definition thing, not really a diminishing thing. But I also don't necessarily put crafts far below art in my
mind, and maybe some people do, so I don't know.
Elsie
I think there's a difference, because so I'm selling my paintings right now in a gallery, and I can make a
painting that takes five hours, 10 hours to make the painting, sell it for a certain price, and then I can
make a craft that takes five hours, 10 hours, and I could never sell it for that same price, it's impossible,
and I think that's like that. I think that's okay, like that doesn't bother me. I think it's just true, and I think
that, like, part of the word, like, for me at least, the term craft means that it's something that I'm doing
for pleasure, like as a hobby. I'm doing, like, I'm making this thing, it's not for anyone else. I'm not trying
to make money from it. I'm not trying to, you know, get my.. like, it doesn't matter to me how much, how
many hours I spend, or what the efficiency is, because it's not about efficiency, it's about pleasure, you
know. I don't know.
Emma
I think the efficiency and pleasure is an interesting way to look at it, for sure. Yeah, and I also think
there's certainly museums dedicated to fine art, but there's also museums dedicated to crafts, like
there's true quilting museums and such, and maybe we don't place as much importance on them in our
culture. I think there'd be a strong argument for that, but you know, I just think you kind of are picking
what you want to spend your time on, and if you love quilting, I think that's cool. Yeah, I do too. Yeah, I
think I just kind of am like, I like the word grandma. I'd love to be a grandma one day. Also, no pressure
to my children, they should make their own choices in life, but I would love it. Seems like a great phase
of life. Oh, yeah, it seems awesome. So I'm like, what are we putting grandmas down for? I'm like,
grandma hobby elevates it to me. Okay, you told me it was a 20 year old's hobby. I'd be like, oh well,
now it's something stupid, isn't it? I don't want to do it. Oh my gosh, okay. She didn't mean that. Let's
just move on. No one in their 20s listens to this. That's almost true. But I've seen a couple messages.
I'm being silly, okay. No, that's fun. Send us more hot takes any time. Podcast at a beautiful mess.com I
love to hear them, whether we agree or disagree with them. We love them all, because it's just fun to
like. Oh, yeah, I kind of agree with this one. We're just also kind of like, oh, there's a lot more here, you
know?
Elsie
Yeah.
Emma
And now it's time for a joke or a fact with Nova.
Elsie
Hey, Nova, what are you going to share with us this week?
Nova
A meditation, although it's not just an ordinary meditation like I do all the time.
Elsie
Okay.
Nova
Besides the grandma one I did last week. This one is another one that means to me, and it's a pug
meditation based on my two little white puppy pugs named Pearl and Popcorn, and so I'm gonna be
doing a pug meditation.
Elsie
Okay, I think that everyone is excited in their homes, in their headphones, in their cars, and whatever
they're doing right now to meditate on some pugs. I'm closing my eyes.
Nova
All right, take some deep breaths,and then you come through the door after you've gotten some
groceries. You notice your dogs are getting all over you with warm kisses and hugs, and then you start
snuggling them and scratching them behind the ear on the couch. Your pups are so happy, you play
with them outside with frisbees for a while they catch it so many times and you're so happy playing with
them and then when they come inside you feed them a good meal while eating your own meal it was
soup and then when you. You go to get them some treats, they follow you eagerly. Get the treats out,
and you see their tail wagging so hard and fast, and they looked really happy. You play with them a little
more, and then when it's bedtime, you get into bed, the pug and the pugs follow you. The pugs get into
bed, snuggle, curl up right beside you in little balls, and then you fall asleep with pugs right beside you,
sleeping right beside you, and then when you wake up in the morning, you stroke the pucks for a while,
get up, and they get up with you, and you play some more, take a few deep breaths, and open your
eyes, and then now I would like to say that I adore pugs and any kind of dog, and I feel like that pets
help people so much more than people understand sometimes. Yeah, and it's good to have pets. It is
good. Oh, another thing, if any, any of you have never seen a pug, just look up Pug, and you can see
really cute pictures of them. They have like squashed faces, and like kind of gray around like their
mouth and their nose, yeah, their nose kind of sticks up into like smushes, and then they have floppy
ears, oh, and then curly tails, and they're chubby, usually, although mine are not chubby, yeah, I hope
you have a good week.
Elsie
Thank you, Nova. All right, we will be back next week with a chatty listener questions episode. Email us
anytime at podcast@beautifulmess.com with requests for future episodes or topics, or just book
recommendations, anything you want.