1 00:00:01,230 --> 00:00:04,400 Welcome to real world, peaceful parenting, a podcast for parents 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,050 that are tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. 3 00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:11,719 Join mom and master certified parent coach Lisa Smith, as she gives you 4 00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:15,129 actionable step by step strategies that'll help you transform your 5 00:00:15,129 --> 00:00:17,400 household from chaos to cooperation. 6 00:00:17,819 --> 00:00:18,439 Let's dive in. 7 00:00:22,659 --> 00:00:24,330 Welcome, welcome, welcome. 8 00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:27,210 Welcome to today's episode. 9 00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:30,600 I am so excited to be with you here today. 10 00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:36,360 You know, I've been thinking a lot about the power of one simple question 11 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,320 that transformed my parenting journey. 12 00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:44,530 But before I share that question with you, I want to take you back 13 00:00:44,540 --> 00:00:46,110 to my own childhood for a moment. 14 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:52,840 Growing up, my caregivers, and maybe you can relate to this, said no to everything. 15 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,560 And I mean everything. 16 00:00:55,490 --> 00:01:01,120 And the most frustrating part, when I reflect, was when I asked why, the 17 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,260 answer was always, because I said so. 18 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:09,295 Oh my goodness, those words would make me so angry because 19 00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:12,554 I couldn't understand why. 20 00:01:13,635 --> 00:01:14,395 Can you relate? 21 00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:20,625 And now as an adult and a parent coach, I realized that those no's 22 00:01:21,345 --> 00:01:23,375 probably weren't about safety at all. 23 00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:25,165 They were about convenience. 24 00:01:26,525 --> 00:01:31,694 And if I'm being really honest with you, I felt so anxious about asking 25 00:01:31,694 --> 00:01:34,614 for anything that I really wanted. 26 00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:38,814 Because I was always anticipating the answer would be no. 27 00:01:39,914 --> 00:01:44,184 I carried around this constant anger that everything was an automatic 28 00:01:44,184 --> 00:01:46,835 no with no real explanation. 29 00:01:47,865 --> 00:01:52,345 And if I'm even more honest then it would make me want to try to figure 30 00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:57,215 out how to get around it or do it anyway or do it without getting caught. 31 00:01:58,334 --> 00:01:59,284 And guess what happened? 32 00:02:00,244 --> 00:02:02,794 I carried that pattern right into my own parenting. 33 00:02:03,714 --> 00:02:07,445 Before I discovered peaceful parenting when Malcolm was little 34 00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:10,240 We're talking like two, three, four. 35 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,260 I found myself saying no all day long. 36 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,530 No you can't play with that. 37 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,040 No you can't go outside. 38 00:02:17,290 --> 00:02:18,459 No you can't have that. 39 00:02:18,949 --> 00:02:20,260 No put that away. 40 00:02:20,329 --> 00:02:21,720 You can't make a fort here. 41 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:22,280 No. 42 00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:28,760 And this is hard to share with you, but I usually delivered those no's 43 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,070 with an exasperated annoying tone. 44 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,100 And you know what? 45 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,019 Those no's were wearing both of us out. 46 00:02:38,774 --> 00:02:42,755 And then one day I came across the question that stopped me in my tracks. 47 00:02:44,355 --> 00:02:48,914 Is it a no because it's dangerous or just because it's inconvenient? 48 00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:51,894 Let that sink in for a moment. 49 00:02:53,234 --> 00:03:01,744 Because if we analyze it, I bet most of the time what our kids want to do isn't 50 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,954 actually dangerous most of the time. 51 00:03:05,454 --> 00:03:08,475 It's just annoying, messy, loud. 52 00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:11,870 or incumbenia for us as parents. 53 00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,710 Let me give you a perfect example. 54 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:19,410 When Malcolm was little, he'd be jumping on the couch. 55 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,390 And I'd snap at him, No! 56 00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:22,720 Stop that right now! 57 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,070 What are you thinking? 58 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:24,849 Get off there! 59 00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:26,760 Sound familiar? 60 00:03:27,869 --> 00:03:30,020 But here's how I'd handle the situation today. 61 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:33,460 Hey buddy, it looks like you've got some wiggles to get out. 62 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,280 Do you want to sit on the couch? 63 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,730 Or do you want to go jump around outside? 64 00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,010 See the difference? 65 00:03:41,109 --> 00:03:46,490 Instead of a harsh no that shuts down the behavior and the connection, I'm 66 00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:51,399 acknowledging his need to move around and I'm offering alternatives, places he can 67 00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:53,969 move around that works for him and me. 68 00:03:55,480 --> 00:04:00,299 When I reflect back on those no's, what I realized is that most of 69 00:04:00,329 --> 00:04:02,310 those no's were really about me. 70 00:04:03,499 --> 00:04:09,100 My dislike of messes, my annoyances, my fears of being judged by others, 71 00:04:10,190 --> 00:04:13,869 my fear of having to clean it up later and adding to my workload. 72 00:04:14,325 --> 00:04:19,755 My exhaustion, my distraction, my fear of the unknown. 73 00:04:21,065 --> 00:04:25,284 So when I was exposed to the concept of, is it dangerous or is it just annoying? 74 00:04:25,585 --> 00:04:27,495 I decided to try something different. 75 00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:31,814 And if you're caught in this cycle, I'd like you to decide 76 00:04:32,075 --> 00:04:33,534 to try something new as well. 77 00:04:34,164 --> 00:04:35,325 I started pausing. 78 00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:36,524 Yes, I know. 79 00:04:36,895 --> 00:04:39,965 We're back to that pause and respond instead of react. 80 00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:45,140 I started pausing before saying no, and it was not easy in the beginning, 81 00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:48,210 I'll admit, because no was my go-to. 82 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:52,940 It was it was on autopilot, but I started pausing before saying no. 83 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:58,800 Sometimes I'd even say, I don't know, I need to think about it for a bit. 84 00:04:58,830 --> 00:04:59,970 Ask me again later. 85 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:05,210 Now, this wasn't code for no, like you see in those family sitcoms 86 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:08,620 where the kids roll their eyes and say, well, that means no. 87 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:11,715 Sometimes My mind was truly elsewhere. 88 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:16,534 Or I needed a moment to figure out how to get to yes. 89 00:05:17,744 --> 00:05:22,284 Let me give you some real world piece of parenting examples of the difference 90 00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:23,804 between dangerous and inconvenient. 91 00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:27,104 Your four year old wants to cut up vegetables. 92 00:05:28,085 --> 00:05:31,604 I mean, this could be dangerous or it could be an opportunity 93 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:33,715 to let your kid be involved. 94 00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:38,505 With making dinner and to teach kitchen skills safely. 95 00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:42,265 So maybe instead of saying, no, you'll hurt yourself. 96 00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:43,955 You could try. 97 00:05:44,005 --> 00:05:45,574 I love that you want to help with dinner. 98 00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:49,695 We don't have a kid safe knife right now, but I'll add that 99 00:05:49,705 --> 00:05:52,265 to the shopping list for today. 100 00:05:52,265 --> 00:05:56,215 Would you like to tear the lettuce for our salad or help shred the cheese? 101 00:05:57,265 --> 00:05:58,385 Or here's another example. 102 00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:01,245 Your eight year old wants to climb a tree in the backyard. 103 00:06:02,245 --> 00:06:05,675 Instead of an automatic, no, you'll fall and hurt yourself. 104 00:06:06,034 --> 00:06:07,275 You could pause and assess. 105 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:12,770 Is it really dangerous or are you just worried about a scraped knee? 106 00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:19,699 Maybe it becomes, let's look at which branches are strong enough to hold you and 107 00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:22,500 talk about how high it's safe to go up. 108 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,990 Let's say your teenager wants to walk to the store alone. 109 00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:31,169 Instead of a no, it's not safe, it could be a conversation about 110 00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:36,279 street safety, what route to take, and having their phones charged. 111 00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:38,339 Here's another classic. 112 00:06:38,519 --> 00:06:40,960 Your child wants to wear rain boots on a sunny day. 113 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,230 Or a superhero costume to the grocery store. 114 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:45,910 Is it dangerous? 115 00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:47,060 Not at all. 116 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,200 Is it inconvenient? 117 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:53,270 Maybe, maybe if you're worried about what other people might think. 118 00:06:54,594 --> 00:06:58,525 But what's more important, other people's opinions or your 119 00:06:58,534 --> 00:07:00,455 child's expression and joy? 120 00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:02,565 Let me tell you about Kate. 121 00:07:03,135 --> 00:07:07,495 She's one of our Hive members, and she came to me feeling frustrated 122 00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,564 because she was constantly saying no to her eight year old son. 123 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:15,124 One day he asked if he could paint the fence with water, something 124 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:18,515 she would have immediately said no to before joining the Hive. 125 00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:22,015 But this time she remembered to ask herself, is it 126 00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,745 dangerous or just inconvenient? 127 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:29,745 So she said, let me think about it for a moment, and she evaluated the actual risk. 128 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,860 I mean, come on, it's just some water that would dry. 129 00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:39,479 So she said yes, and her son spent an hour painting the fence and learning about how 130 00:07:39,479 --> 00:07:45,940 water evaporates, and most importantly, feeling heard and trusted by his mom. 131 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:49,099 Kate told me later that that moment changed everything. 132 00:07:49,949 --> 00:07:54,539 Her son started coming to her with more ideas and questions because he knew 133 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,090 that she would consider his request. 134 00:07:56,755 --> 00:07:58,745 Instead of automatically shutting them down. 135 00:07:59,695 --> 00:08:03,025 And then there's Christy, another mom in our hive community. 136 00:08:03,865 --> 00:08:07,984 She was struggling with her 12 year old daughter's constant requests to bake. 137 00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:11,784 Every time her daughter asked to bake, Christy's immediate 138 00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:14,424 response was, no, it's too messy. 139 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,574 Not today. 140 00:08:16,335 --> 00:08:20,205 We don't have time or we don't have the ingredients. 141 00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:23,940 Which she later admitted to me wasn't always true. 142 00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:28,970 She was just defaulting to no because she didn't want to deal with the mess. 143 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:33,490 So through our coaching sessions, Christy learned to transform these 144 00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:38,389 moments by setting clear expectations instead of defaulting to no. 145 00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:42,159 So when her daughter asked to bake, she tried something different. 146 00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:46,500 She said, what do you think about making chocolate chip cookies? 147 00:08:47,415 --> 00:08:48,735 And here's how we'll make it work. 148 00:08:49,415 --> 00:08:53,935 First, I want you to check with me about the ingredients before starting, since I 149 00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:57,954 might have something else planned for the ingredients and we'll need to clean up 150 00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,954 together afterwards to my satisfaction. 151 00:09:01,694 --> 00:09:05,474 And this will be our only baking project today, since it takes a 152 00:09:05,475 --> 00:09:07,064 couple of hours, start to finish. 153 00:09:07,485 --> 00:09:09,025 And we need to get some other things done. 154 00:09:09,655 --> 00:09:13,265 And then finally, she finished with letting her daughter know that 155 00:09:13,265 --> 00:09:18,824 future baking depends on how well we follow the guidelines today, the 156 00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:22,594 result will not only did the mother and daughter have a wonderful time 157 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:27,184 baking, but her daughter rose to the occasion, followed the guidelines. 158 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,940 and helped clean up properly. 159 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:33,120 Christy admitted that she was really amazed at how capable her 160 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:37,120 daughter was when given the chance with clear boundaries in place. 161 00:09:37,970 --> 00:09:42,149 Now, you might be thinking, but Lisa, if I start saying yes more 162 00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:45,460 often, does that make me permissive? 163 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,730 And won't my kids become spoiled? 164 00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:51,740 Or maybe you're thinking, what will other parents think if I 165 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:53,190 let my kids do these things? 166 00:09:53,915 --> 00:09:58,564 Or I'll lose control or my house will be a constant mess. 167 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:04,045 All right, well, let's tackle these fears head on because here's the truth. 168 00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:09,005 Saying yes, thoughtfully with clear boundaries and expectations 169 00:10:09,794 --> 00:10:11,974 actually builds more responsibility. 170 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:16,260 and cooperation with your kids than Constance knows ever will. 171 00:10:17,079 --> 00:10:19,790 Remember how I told you that with Malcolm I started saying I need to 172 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,849 think about it, ask me again later? 173 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:26,680 Here's what was brilliant about this approach, which I still use to this day. 174 00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:30,400 It puts the responsibility on him to follow up with me. 175 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:35,319 If he really wanted that sleepover, those Pokemon cards, or to try 176 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:39,189 coffee in junior high, he needed to remember to ask me again. 177 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,199 The coffee still makes me laugh. 178 00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:44,470 This approach to two amazing things. 179 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:48,400 First, it gave me the parent time to think with my higher brain. 180 00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:53,694 Using my prefrontal cortex instead of responding from my middle brain. 181 00:10:54,135 --> 00:10:58,455 You know, that emotional center that doesn't like messes and inconvenience 182 00:10:58,495 --> 00:11:00,965 and has a hard wiring to say no. 183 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:05,045 And second, it showed me how important things really were to him. 184 00:11:05,484 --> 00:11:09,355 If he didn't ask again, well, then maybe it wasn't all that important. 185 00:11:10,415 --> 00:11:14,045 So this strategy of ask me again later, Because I need to 186 00:11:14,055 --> 00:11:16,124 think about it really worked. 187 00:11:16,354 --> 00:11:19,474 And to this day really works still for us. 188 00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:24,064 Let me share some more strategies for moving from a no to a yes. 189 00:11:24,955 --> 00:11:26,935 First, get curious about the request. 190 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:31,784 If your child wants to build a fort in their living room and your automatic 191 00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:34,104 response is no, it'll make a mess. 192 00:11:34,475 --> 00:11:37,685 Pause and ask what's driving this desire right now. 193 00:11:38,385 --> 00:11:40,655 How could we make this work within some boundaries? 194 00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:43,140 What's my real concern here? 195 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,570 Is it dangerous? 196 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,210 Or is it the mess? 197 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,610 Or is it that I'm tired and I don't want to deal with the cleanup? 198 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,320 Maybe it becomes a, yes, you can build a fort, but let's set some guidelines. 199 00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:58,700 We can use these three blankets. 200 00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,015 And it needs to be cleaned up for dinner. 201 00:12:02,064 --> 00:12:04,325 Want to work together on making it super cool. 202 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,965 Maybe there's a middle ground between the no and the yes, the yes, that's 203 00:12:09,975 --> 00:12:13,715 unleashed and allows him to use every blanket in the entire house. 204 00:12:14,224 --> 00:12:19,034 Maybe we set it to three blankets and two pillows and we clean it up before dinner. 205 00:12:20,055 --> 00:12:21,745 Here's another powerful strategy. 206 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:26,515 Time shifting instead of a flat, no, try not right now, 207 00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:28,765 and then follow through with. 208 00:12:29,619 --> 00:12:34,370 When it can happen, for example, not right now because I'm cooking dinner. 209 00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:37,060 How about we do it first thing tomorrow morning? 210 00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:41,979 Not today because we don't have all the ingredients, but let's make a shopping 211 00:12:41,979 --> 00:12:47,189 list and add the missing ingredients to the list and go shopping tomorrow. 212 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:49,040 The key is. 213 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,815 And this is crucial that we must follow through. 214 00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:55,965 Otherwise, not right now just becomes another way to say no. 215 00:12:57,015 --> 00:13:00,655 So let's talk about what happens when we start shifting from automatic 216 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:05,754 nose to thoughtful responses, because it's kind of magical when we stop 217 00:13:05,764 --> 00:13:10,474 defaulting to know our kids start coming to us more, think about it. 218 00:13:10,494 --> 00:13:15,734 If you had a friend who shot down every suggestion you made, how long 219 00:13:15,734 --> 00:13:17,244 would you keep suggesting things? 220 00:13:18,035 --> 00:13:19,194 Not very long, right? 221 00:13:20,084 --> 00:13:21,464 It's the same with our kids. 222 00:13:22,414 --> 00:13:24,455 Whenever you request is met with a no. 223 00:13:25,645 --> 00:13:30,915 Especially with that annoyed tone I used to use, they eventually stop asking. 224 00:13:31,824 --> 00:13:35,125 They stop sharing their ideas, their dreams, their 225 00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:39,614 creativity, their possibilities, their wild, wonderful plans. 226 00:13:40,564 --> 00:13:43,725 And we miss out on so many opportunities for connection. 227 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:48,444 But when we shift our approach, something beautiful happens. 228 00:13:49,444 --> 00:13:53,035 Let me share what one of my clients in the Hive noticed just last week. 229 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:58,310 She said, Lisa, I realized my daughter isn't just asking to bake cookies 230 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,970 or paint with watercolors anymore. 231 00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:05,450 While we're doing these activities together, she's telling me about 232 00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:09,639 what happened at school, asking questions about life and sharing 233 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,920 her worries and friendships. 234 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:17,239 These activities create what I like to call connection pockets, natural moments 235 00:14:17,519 --> 00:14:23,269 where conversation flows, where trust builds and real connection happens. 236 00:14:24,269 --> 00:14:26,589 Let me share a couple more examples of how this plays out. 237 00:14:27,745 --> 00:14:31,025 Let's say a child says, can I ride my bike to Sam's house? 238 00:14:31,575 --> 00:14:33,545 Instead of saying, no, it's too far. 239 00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:35,185 You might try. 240 00:14:35,215 --> 00:14:36,495 I appreciate you asking. 241 00:14:37,225 --> 00:14:41,295 Let's look at the route together on the map and talk about street safety 242 00:14:41,705 --> 00:14:43,584 and maybe do a practice run first. 243 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,410 When were you thinking of going? 244 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:51,499 Or this one, a situation I see coming up a lot with parents. 245 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,540 Can I dye my hair blue? 246 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,130 Instead of absolutely not, what will people think? 247 00:14:57,729 --> 00:14:58,239 Try. 248 00:14:58,349 --> 00:14:59,810 That's an interesting idea. 249 00:15:00,489 --> 00:15:01,390 Let's talk about it. 250 00:15:02,339 --> 00:15:04,489 Are you thinking about permanent dye or temporary? 251 00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:07,045 What makes you want to try blue? 252 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:11,595 Maybe we could start with some washout color and see how you like it. 253 00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:15,575 You see, in each of these scenarios, we're not just saying yes or no. 254 00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:17,105 We're opening up a dialogue. 255 00:15:17,675 --> 00:15:21,484 We're showing our kids that their ideas matter, that we take their requests 256 00:15:21,484 --> 00:15:25,385 seriously, and that we're willing to work with them to find solutions. 257 00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:27,535 And here's what's fascinating. 258 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:32,620 When we respond this way consistently, Our kids start coming to us 259 00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:34,520 with more thought out requests. 260 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,480 Instead of can I do this? 261 00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:40,420 They might be saying, Hey, I've been thinking about this and here's my plan. 262 00:15:41,069 --> 00:15:45,319 They learned a problem solve because we modeled it for them, which is where 263 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:49,960 my son's at right now at 20 year old years old as a sophomore in college. 264 00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:53,470 And it is absolutely amazing to witness. 265 00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:56,410 And I want this for you and your kids. 266 00:15:57,265 --> 00:15:59,545 Now and always in life. 267 00:15:59,965 --> 00:16:01,985 So here's what I want you to try this week. 268 00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:04,255 I'm giving you two homework assignments. 269 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:08,185 First, I want you to track your no responses for one day. 270 00:16:08,624 --> 00:16:10,495 Just one, write them down. 271 00:16:11,415 --> 00:16:15,395 What you said no to, how you're feeling in the moment and whether it was 272 00:16:15,404 --> 00:16:17,795 truly dangerous or just inconvenient. 273 00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:22,849 And maybe take note of what alternative responses you could have used. 274 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,780 Second homework assignment is I want you to practice the pause. 275 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:32,540 When your child asks for something, and you feel that automatic no rising up, take 276 00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:37,960 a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself, is it dangerous or just inconvenient? 277 00:16:38,859 --> 00:16:41,680 Can we find a way to make this work with some boundaries? 278 00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:44,509 And what's the worst that could happen? 279 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,010 You know, sometimes when I'm working with parents in the hive, they tell me 280 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,819 they feel guilty about their past no's. 281 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,960 And if that's you right now, I want you to hear this. 282 00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:57,460 We're all learning and growing together. 283 00:16:58,290 --> 00:17:00,380 The fact that you're here listening to this episode, 284 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,600 there's no need to feel guilt. 285 00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:07,100 This means that you're already taking steps to do things differently. 286 00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:11,030 Now you know the simple but powerful question, is it 287 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,839 dangerous or just inconvenient? 288 00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:18,825 And you have practical ways to start shifting from automatic no's To thoughtful 289 00:17:18,825 --> 00:17:23,445 responses to build connection with your kids and hey if you're feeling ready to 290 00:17:23,445 --> 00:17:27,895 make this shift But you need some more support along the way then like always 291 00:17:27,944 --> 00:17:33,365 I want to invite you Yes, you to join us in the hive inside our community. 292 00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:36,774 You're going to get personalized coaching Directly from me 293 00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:38,845 about your specific situation. 294 00:17:38,845 --> 00:17:42,370 You're going to get practical tools And the support you need 295 00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:46,970 to transform those automatic nose into opportunities for connection. 296 00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:52,500 So if this feels like the time and this is the moment, then I want you 297 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,600 to head over to thehivecoaching. 298 00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:59,729 com to learn more about how I can support you in your peaceful parenting journey. 299 00:18:00,199 --> 00:18:02,820 And I cannot wait to welcome you to The Hive. 300 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:04,230 All right. 301 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,010 In closing, let me leave you with this. 302 00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,220 Your kids don't need a perfect parent. 303 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,170 They need a parent who's willing to pause. 304 00:18:11,534 --> 00:18:12,425 Reflect and grow. 305 00:18:13,275 --> 00:18:15,395 They need a parent who can balance safety. 306 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:20,310 With the freedom to explore and most of all they need a parent who's willing 307 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,670 To question the automatic nose and finds ways to say yes when possible. 308 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:31,299 You've got this I know you do and i'll be with you every step of the way. 309 00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:37,359 I promise Okay until next time i'm wishing you peaceful parenting 310 00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:41,695 Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. 311 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,955 If you want more info on how you can transform your parenting, 312 00:18:45,245 --> 00:18:46,545 visit ThePeacefulParent. 313 00:18:46,545 --> 00:18:47,105 com. 314 00:18:47,115 --> 00:18:47,695 See you soon!