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Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,

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and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

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Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. 

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I was recently asked if Buddhists cry, which, ironically, made me laugh at first, 

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but then I realized "Do Buddhists cry?" is actually a pretty good question.

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Well, yes, of course I cry.

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I rarely if ever cry today about something that upset me yesterday.

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I cry about things that hurt the moment I feel pain, but never about something

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that already occurred in the past or hasn't even happened yet.

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Now, I've been trying to wrap my head around why that is, and I've concluded that it's related

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to the important distinction I often talk about between feelings and emotions. 

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Here's a refresher: a feeling lasts between 45 seconds and a minute-and-a-half. That's it. 

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The feeling then moves on to make room for a new feeling; they move like clouds in the sky

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or traffic on a busy street: one feeling comes, another feeling goes.

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That's why we can fluctuate from feeling excited to annoyed, jealous, overjoyed, 

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frustrated, elated, all in an hour's time.

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All of our feelings are perfectly natural and healthy human responses to stimuli.

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But, emotions? Emotions are a completely different ball of wax.

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Emotions start out as a feeling, but as time goes on, they have less and less to do

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with our original feeling, and more to do with how we feel or think about what

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we are feeling, if that makes sense.

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We then either consciously or habitually pick an emotion with which to express the feeling.

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That's why  I say the two are related, but they are not the same.

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I mean, how often do we FEEL hurt but EMOTE anger, for example, or we FEEL vulnerable but

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EMOTE fear? Especially when a feeling is new to us and we don't know what to do with it.

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Think of emotion as a verb; an action. It's what we DO with a feeling,

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whereas a feeling is, well... what we feel. 

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We don't FEEL emotions, we feel feelings. We EXPRESS emotions.

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I think that best illustrates the distinction and why even though a feeling is brief, 

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we can emote anger long after something has upset us. 

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It's why we continue emoting sadness, deflation, and so on, long after the initial

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feeling came and went. Instead of moving on from a feeling in a minute or so,

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we get stuck analyzing it and constructing a narrative around the feeling, 

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a story we tell ourselves about how we "should" or "shouldn't" be feeling something,

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sometimes even a justification about how rational our emotion must be in order to fit

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what we think is unfair, for example, often about something someone has done 

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that we strongly believe they shouldn't have, or... you get the picture, instead of just

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acknowledging the feeling and moving on from it, we stretch it out, sometimes for

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decades, as we try to use it to support some part of our preciously held identity or belief.

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An easy example of how often we do this is when we say things like, "She wronged me

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"ten years ago so my anger today is totally justified." We get very precious about it 

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because we think that if we move on from our feeling of rage, for example,

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then the person who wronged us has somehow gotten away with something,

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but the opposite is actually true. If we are still upset about it, that means they still have

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a hold on us, whereas if we let it go, it means we are totally free. 

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So don't get all defensive about your emotions just yet, you might be protecting 

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the very thing that drives you crazy.

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So while yes, of course, I feel sadness like everyone else and naturally cry, for example.

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We don't have to turn that feeling into an emotion, that is: construct a narrative 

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about it or be upset today about something that upset us yesterday.

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Perhaps looking at other feelings would serve as a better example:

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just like everyone else, I feel anger from time to time, and it lasts about a minute or so,

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but by being aware that I can choose to let the anger go or let it affect what I'm about

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to do or say, I choose to channel the energy towards something constructive because

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I already know that if I don't, it will turn and express itself as something destructive,  

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starting with destroying my own inner peace and then spreading outward.

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To channel energy, we must first understand it. If we know that pain is usually at the

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heart of our anger, for example, then we work with the hurt, not with the anger.

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That's why I think that pause between impulse and response is so important;

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it gives us a chance to ask ourselves what is really going on below the surface.

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Now, you may not want to hear this, but forgiveness is actually the only way

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to neutralize the pain of anger so we can go on living in peace.

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And forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the other person who angered us

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asks us for forgiveness or even deserves it, it's that WE deserve it.

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I mean, whatever harm was caused by the other person is bad enough, 

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why make it worse on ourselves by adding insult to injury? When you get angry 

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with someone, you're not punishing them, you're actually punishing yourself.

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And the longer you stay mad, the longer you have to live with that toxicity.

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The FEELING of anger is perfectly natural and understandable; the EMOTION of anger? 

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It's a waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

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When I feel sadness, I don't try to suppress or push it down, I feel it, but I remind myself 

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that anytime I feel something from the past, I leave the present moment to get there 

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and overlook the situation in the present by focusing on the past.

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Gosh, I really still don't think that I'm making sense of any of this.

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Feelings, as you know, are difficult to explain because they aren't facts. And emotions

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are even worse because they aren't rational, they are what I often call the potholes on an

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otherwise smooth path toward euphoria.

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Think about it: the only thing that stops us from being euphoric in the present moment 

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is being hung up on the past or the illusion of a future.

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Now, I can see why blaming someone else for our emotions sounds appealing,

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but if we don't deal with the underlying tendency to react, then another person 

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will upset us, and then another one, and another one, until we're almost always angry, 

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yet never facing or dealing with the root cause of our anger: ourselves.

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WE are the problem. All those other people are mere opportunities for us to work past 

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our anger, hurt, what have you, to learn to deal with the feeling in a healthy manner

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so that we don't let our moods affect our manners. So do you see why a feeling

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is so temporary and why an emotion can last for so long? Why anger is often referred

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to as a punishment we give ourselves for someone else's mistake?

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Some people are extremely committed to never looking at themselves in the mirror,

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so to speak, getting to know their own demons, as it were, and that commitment can

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be channeled toward healing ourselves, liberating ourselves from the binds of anger 

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and resentment, and giving ourselves the greatest gift ever: forgiveness, liberation,

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and the present moment.

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Having said all of that, you don't have to agree with me on any of it.

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This is just an invitation for you to evaluate your own behavior and determine whether

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you are being controlled by others or if you are in charge of your own inner peace; 

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a space from which healing can cure our deepest hurts, biggest challenges, 

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and celebrate the purest bliss.

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As the Dalai Lama says: Your happiness and your own good fortune are in your own hands.

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Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless 

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and Buddhist Boot Camp.

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For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

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where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, 

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watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

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We hope you have enjoyed this episode, 

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and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. 

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Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼