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Alright, gentlemen, how's it going?

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This is your main man, Scot McKay coming at you again with another episode of The Mountain
Top Podcast.

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hey, I'm pretty stoked today.

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I'm pretty happy.

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I have a guest with me who we haven't seen around these parts in a while, but he's back.

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He actually didn't go anywhere, but he's definitely back on this show for the first time
in a long time.

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And we're going to talk about a very interesting topic.

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Before we get to him.

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I want to remind you that the website is mountaintoppodcast.com

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The Facebook group is The Mountain Top Summit.

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If you guys aren't there, you're missing out.

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And you can find me all over everywhere online at Scot McKay, S-C-O-T-M-C-K-A-Y, with the
exception of Instagram, where it's real Scot McKay, because I didn't get there soon

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enough.

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But enough about me.

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Today's guest, my returning guest, and longtime friend, by the way, is Alex Allman from
Revolutionary Sex.

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How's it going, Alex?

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Great, brother.

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Very happy to be here.

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You're lying too, because you told me you were sick as a dog and you probably shouldn't
even be doing this show.

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I am sick as a dog, but also I love to teach this stuff.

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It's really important to me that men get clear on these things so that they can lead a
better life and couples can have better relationships, leads to better families, leads to

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a better world.

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hey man, that's why we're all here.

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But I have to say, if you're sick as a dog, you look marvelous, darling, because you you
just look, you have a glow about you for, you must look amazing when you're healthy.

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Well, you know, it is better to look marvelous than feel marvelous.

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um...

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Yeah, no, uh I have really good lighting.

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haha!

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Well, fantastic.

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At our age, that is half the battle.

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Yeah.

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And the other 90 percent is half mental.

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But again, enough about us.

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today.

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We're going to talk about Today, we're going to talk about something that I don't know how
I've ever escaped talking about it after 500 and some odd shows.

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But it's this idea of women like me, but they don't love me.

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And the first thing that comes to mind is the the multitude the legion of men out there
who can get women to talk to them and they seem like okay, maybe I'll even go out on a

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first date with you but after the first date They're not feeling it and they get put in
"The Just Be Friends Zone".

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But the nuance here is different.

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It could be such that for example, I can get women to go out on dates with me.

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They could even have sex with me, but I can't get them to have that

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almost obsessive desire for me.

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It's like, I'm okay.

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I'm better than the next schlub who might come along.

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They've had a dry spell or at least I pay for their dinner, you know, when we go out or
something.

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But you know, I have this hard time getting women to the next level with me where they
just, they're saying to themselves, I don't need any other guy.

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You, you're enough.

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I want to lock you down.

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You're amazing.

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So that's what we're talking about here.

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And this is a topic you dreamed up and brought to the table.

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So what's your spin on all this?

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Well, my first spin is that this is what my readers and viewers complain about the most.

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So for whatever reason, I'm attracting these men.

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A lot of them are married, by the way, to a woman who, you know, likes him, but isn't
passionate about him.

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And maybe at one time she was, and he doesn't know how to reconstitute that.

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Kind of reignite that spark, huh?

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Yeah, but a lot of times, you know, women really want babies at a certain age and they're
just really excited that there's this guy who's decent.

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He's decent and he's willing and he doesn't live at his uh mother's house and he's a good
man, you know?

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What's that?

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Yeah, I mean, once women get a baby, things change.

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And sometimes guys can feel left in the lurch.

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That's a guarantee, there's, and that's potentially one factor.

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Women change when they have babies.

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They change when they hit menopause.

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So there's a lot of changes for sure.

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But also I think a lot of women, even before the baby comes, they're already like, well, I
can't leave now uh because you know what I mean?

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I need to get pregnant pretty soon.

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And so a lot of men just have this experience and...

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And of course it happens at every stage along the way.

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As you say, there's a lot of men who, you know, they go on a few dates, maybe they had
sex, maybe they didn't, and then she ghosts him.

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Or she's just, uh you know, they date for a while, but he can feel that he's in a holding
pattern until somebody better comes along.

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You hear all these, you know, red pill guys saying that women are hypergamous as if men
aren't, right?

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We all want the best one we can get, but...

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thought that came to mind is this is not gender specific.

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Come on now.

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yeah, not at all, not at all.

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So if you are dating a girl who's, you know, otherwise you'd be lonely, but you're not
really that hot for her and she doesn't really light you up, but she's a sex partner.

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Then you meet somebody who's amazing, who knocks your socks off, you're gonna have the
painful conversation with her and women will do the same thing, but men get very butthurt

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about it and can't take responsibility for it.

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We've kind of talked about that.

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But so there's this recurring thing at every level of dating and relationship.

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where men don't feel like they're inspiring passion, devotion, loyalty, and ultimately
surrender.

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And I'll make the case, and I'm sure you buy in, I'll try and make the case for everybody
else who's playing along, that a woman's highest desire is to find a man that she can

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comfortably surrender to.

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And it's that total surrender, that uh ride or die, that

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Everybody wants men want it women want it.

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We all want it and it's it's beautiful and it's rare but I think it's rare because people
think it has to happen to them.

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They don't understand that it's something that you do.

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The true love is not you know, true infatuation can rock your fucking world, but true love
is is built.

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It's built and there's a way to build it and I think most men don't understand

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how good it is for them as a human to do this work, not just for the woman in their life,
but when you get started down a path of uh radical authenticity and presence and

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self-trust and uh freedom of self-expression and all the things that really light a woman
up in a way that makes her feel like, you know, I'm with this guy till the day I die.

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uh

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It's such a great journey for a man.

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It's what he's been wanting to do and felt like, well, if I did this, nobody would like me
anymore.

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You know?

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We've just got it wrong because of the stories that we grow up on that ain't necessarily
so.

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We live in a soup of be the alpha male or be the sensitive guy and really be a good
communicator.

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And all of these things, they're good.

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They're fine.

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There's nothing wrong with being the alpha male.

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It's attractive.

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There's nothing wrong with being a great communicator.

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It's very important, you know, and those things are terrific, but they don't create the
kind of uh passion and loyalty and devotion and surrender that I'm talking about.

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And women want it, men want it, your ex-wife wished you could have delivered it.

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And that's why she left.

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Even if she couldn't put words to it because, you know.

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because she had more, she had a whole alphabet soup of psychosis behind her name.

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So she was actually dreaming up things I wasn't doing that, you know, she said I was
doing.

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So maybe if we're to use second person singular here, you know, maybe not me, but I
certainly see what you're talking about.

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of men, it's comforting to say, it's not you, because you're describing somebody who
sounds actually psychotic.

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But uh yeah, but I mean, but a lot of men will say, well, you know, she just went crazy on
me.

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She was normal and then she went crazy on me.

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That's right.

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And the truth is, that's just something that happens.

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Mike Birbiglia

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...the comedian has a great piece on this.

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I was watching, was like, yes, this is it.

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I said, yes, this is it, exactly.

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He said, you date a woman for a while, and then as you get really close, you start really
uh catching feelings for her.

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One day in the middle of dinner, she's like, uh can you pass the salt?

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And I'm fucking crazy.

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All of a it just comes out.

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And it coming out...

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might very well be a positive thing because what's happening is she trusts you enough to
start dealing with her trauma, which every human has.

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You have it, I have it.

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Everybody has stuff and her stuff comes out and then you don't know how to deal with it
and so you're just, she's crazy.

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And then she's disappointed that you weren't strong enough to deal with it.

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And she thinks you're crazy and your crazy comes out too or you're boring or you're, you

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know, ball scratching and farting or whatever it is that you hid in the beginning, right?

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So everybody has this experience.

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Well, they changed.

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You you were talking about radical authenticity and yeah, and, um, you were also talking
about a situation where I think the word we were both searching for was "settling".

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In other words, I have this person in my life, but you know, I'm not thrilled that this is
the person in my life.

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Maybe my nose is pressed against the glass.

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You know, maybe I wanted something different.

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Maybe I didn't feel like I could get the kind of woman I want.

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Or maybe she doesn't feel like I could have gotten the guy I really wanted.

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But you know, the biological clock is ticking, yada, yada, yada, and here we are.

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And you were talking about that.

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OK.

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for a man who feels like uh some self-esteem hit at this idea that the girl who uh dumped
him for another man was settling.

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It's not quite that, because I think we lie to ourselves.

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Yeah, it can be.

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Yeah, it can be.

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It can be.

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But I think a lot of times, you know, she's lying to herself.

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She's like, I've dated a couple of douchebags and this is like a good man and my clock is
ticking.

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And I'd be a fucking moron to not fall in love with him.

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And she talks herself into it.

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By the time she's done, she's very convinced.

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She convinces her parents and her friends that this is the guy and she's in love with him.

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I coach women too.

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I've a lot of women do this.

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She doesn't know the difference.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

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She really doesn't know the difference.

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Because we are very, very good at deceiving ourselves.

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That's a real human-sense problem.

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Yeah.

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of things you said there rapid fire.

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The only thing worse than settling for somebody is being settled for.

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So you have this situation where people just, well, they aren't fulfilled.

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You also mentioned this idea, excuse me, you also mentioned this idea of a woman
surrendering.

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And you tied that with the with the baggage that society is feeding us about masculinity
and femininity, et cetera, et cetera.

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And then you've got the Men Going Their Own Way who think it's all the women's fault.

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And you've got the feminists who think it's all the men's fault.

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And all of a sudden men and women are naturally being drawn away from each other to be
adversarial rather than working in partnership.

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And we're supposed to work in partnership.

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Now you're talking about this woman being turned on and you're talking about her being
devoted to this guy to the point of surrender.

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Well,

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all that stuff you were talking about to me rhymes with her feeling safe and comfortable
in his presence.

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If you're not making a woman feel safe, if you're not making her feel protected in that
environment, her, she's not free to be feminine.

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You know, this is what we talk about around here all the time.

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Masculinity by nature is the building block of sexual attraction that ignites femininity,
the female building block of sexual attraction.

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Women are ignited when a man makes her feel safe and comfortable, comfortable enough so
she doesn't have to worry about those

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lower end Maslovian hierarchy deals like safety, security, provision, so forth.

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And she can now suddenly bring beauty, play, joy, fun, nurture into the world.

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Beautiful.

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So when a woman surrenders to a man, it isn't, your slave or I'm less than you.

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It's, I feel comfortable around you.

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I can relax now.

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The surrender is that tense, tense fear driven nature.

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Now, see, you said so much.

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The last time you were on this show, many moons ago, what was the topic?

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The topic was what is true love?

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And we both agreed that it was the absence of fear.

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If fear is the opposite of love,

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the less I fear this woman, the more I am freed up to love her.

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So if we can stop making women fear, we're going to leave, we're going to cheat, we're
going to do whatever we're going to do that's negative in her life and help her feel safe

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and comfortable.

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And she feels that way, you know, instead of maybe no kind of way, right?

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um She's feelsome, as the British would say, towards this relationship.

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Once she's not afraid of what's going to happen with this relationship, what's going to
happen in the context of bringing a child into this world, and most of all, she's not

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afraid of us, then that surrender, it kind of happens naturally, whether the
sociopolitical climate of the Western world agrees with it or not.

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And I think you putting the word beautiful to that is a pattern interrupt for a lot of
people, and especially a lot of men

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who are being taught, wait, this isn't the way you want to be.

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You know, the future is female, believe all women.

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Uh, you know, I don't want to offend women by even, uh, competing with them for a job, et
cetera, et cetera.

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And then what happens is women are like, where did all the men go?

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Well, all the men are shirking their responsibility to do the work you speak of, of making
a woman feel comfortable so that she can literally be more aroused to be in this

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relationship with us.

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You know, am I onto something there?

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Yeah, for sure.

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uh would take all of those things a bit further.

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think that uh safety and comfort is essential, but I don't think it's the whole ball game.

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And I think that the uh love being the lack of fear is essential, but I don't think it's
the whole ball game.

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In fact, my definition of true love these days is uh mutual surrender.

211
00:15:15,511 --> 00:15:18,743
And surrender is scary as hell.

212
00:15:19,824 --> 00:15:35,515
Yeah, well, to really surrender and to be fully ride or die is to release a certain part
of your agency, which a lot of men think of as the most masculine thing, is being

213
00:15:35,515 --> 00:15:38,117
completely agentic and not changing it.

214
00:15:38,117 --> 00:15:41,999
But there's a release of a particular piece of your agency.

215
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,601
And it's a magic trick.

216
00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:50,183
And women are very good at it in the presence of a man who has any skill at it at all.

217
00:15:50,523 --> 00:16:06,228
And that magic trick is to make the conscious decision that your perfect woman is revealed
to you in real time by whatever it is that she does.

218
00:16:06,288 --> 00:16:09,129
And your job is to figure out how that was perfect.

219
00:16:09,129 --> 00:16:10,009
Now that...

220
00:16:10,173 --> 00:16:16,173
sounds insane and it very well could be if you're dating somebody with a personality
disorder, don't necessarily, do that.

221
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:27,153
Like you do need to have high standards, but if you have high standards and you've really
fallen in love with a woman, then there is a place that you can go where it's a, it's a

222
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:37,673
spiritual venture to offer up your idea of what the perfect woman is to her revelation.

223
00:16:38,273 --> 00:16:40,061
And she,

224
00:16:40,061 --> 00:16:45,821
obviously, the same to you that you reveal in real time what the perfect man looks like.

225
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:58,121
Women do this very, very naturally if you give them the opportunity and part of that
opportunity as you said was, you know, trust and feeling comfortable and that's that's

226
00:16:58,121 --> 00:16:58,421
huge.

227
00:16:58,421 --> 00:17:09,495
I would dig down a little deeper because there's specific things that will trigger this
this feeling of

228
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:18,628
of what I call a mating instinct, this very deep surrendered mating instinct that comes
out when she's around a man who, you know, I've broken into five traits.

229
00:17:18,628 --> 00:17:21,708
I could have broken it into 10 or I could call it a single trait.

230
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:34,532
But I broke it into five because I find it's a compellingly simple way to explain it and
break it down in all the areas where men get caught up, uh which is uh self-trust, which

231
00:17:34,532 --> 00:17:38,909
is not quite the same as confidence, but it's a layer where

232
00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:53,169
you recognize that life is a random experience generator that you must dance with and it's
going to do a lot of crazy things and you trust yourself to handle it even if it means

233
00:17:53,169 --> 00:18:03,509
that you you might be handling it in defeat like you get run over by a car that's the kind
of things that life can throw at you but that you're going to be good you've accepted life

234
00:18:03,509 --> 00:18:07,213
as it really is and you are no longer

235
00:18:07,213 --> 00:18:12,481
whining and complaining at the world, you've taken it down to your own core.

236
00:18:12,481 --> 00:18:14,723
This is so attractive to women.

237
00:18:15,405 --> 00:18:16,199
Yeah.

238
00:18:16,199 --> 00:18:19,599
If a guy is a whiner and a complainer, he is not going to make a woman feel safe.

239
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,391
Therefore the surrender will never happen.

240
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,361
Exactly, exactly.

241
00:18:22,361 --> 00:18:25,443
I'm just breaking this down more deeply piece by piece.

242
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:38,451
The next one is freedom of self-expression, which again, I think part of the beauty of
being actually free and not monitoring what you're doing or trying to create the context

243
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:43,854
wherein you think she'll love you, like I need to be a good communicator and I need to be
kind, which you do.

244
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:46,215
I need to be an alpha male, which you don't.

245
00:18:46,215 --> 00:18:50,437
ah Yeah, I need to make more money, which you don't.

246
00:18:51,253 --> 00:18:55,433
Unless, you know, you're not thriving, right?

247
00:18:55,433 --> 00:19:01,013
A woman needs to know that you can care for her if she loses her job.

248
00:19:01,113 --> 00:19:03,433
She can't be caring for you.

249
00:19:03,913 --> 00:19:17,193
So I think there's all these levels of biology that, importantly, need to feel your
self-trust, need to feel your scents of freedom, which also allows her...

250
00:19:17,193 --> 00:19:19,939
It's like this big sigh when...

251
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:21,761
somebody can actually be themselves.

252
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,114
You know, the old grandma advice, just just be yourself.

253
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:26,506
It's not that it's bad advice.

254
00:19:26,506 --> 00:19:29,320
It's just it's really hard advice.

255
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,844
It's really hard advice.

256
00:19:30,844 --> 00:19:34,610
missing along the way to the top of that, you know, staircase.

257
00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:38,971
most men have no idea what it means to be themselves.

258
00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:49,215
They've spent so long playing this role and that role in every situation, which is normal,
but they've lost sight of their core.

259
00:19:49,736 --> 00:19:58,234
So, you know, there's work to be done there, you know, in one of your programs, my
programs, or a therapist's chair or a psychedelic experience.

260
00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:03,121
I mean, there's work to be done there to find out who you are and...

261
00:20:03,121 --> 00:20:11,885
to feel free, to feel the confidence to be free, to be that person, even when it pisses
her off, even when it's not what she wants.

262
00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:13,127
Well that's trust.

263
00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:15,138
Yeah.

264
00:20:15,138 --> 00:20:16,271
Yeah, yeah,

265
00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:25,914
I mean the freedom to be authentic enough to go, look, I don't like this or I'm hangry or
I'm in a bad mood or I had a rough day or now it's my turn to vent.

266
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:30,056
At least in our marriage, you know, and I try to explain this even on coaching calls with
guys.

267
00:20:30,056 --> 00:20:33,518
It's not that we have to be on our best behavior all the time.

268
00:20:33,518 --> 00:20:34,978
We now know each other.

269
00:20:34,978 --> 00:20:36,689
We now are comfortable with each other.

270
00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:38,220
We have now surrendered to each other.

271
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:41,421
As I think you've eloquently said, it's the case.

272
00:20:42,443 --> 00:20:43,744
We are ride or die.

273
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,524
We're together.

274
00:20:44,524 --> 00:20:45,435
We're a team.

275
00:20:45,435 --> 00:20:47,416
And some days I'm not going to be at my best.

276
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,297
Some days I'm going to be vomiting everywhere.

277
00:20:49,297 --> 00:20:51,198
Some days she's going to be vomiting everywhere.

278
00:20:51,198 --> 00:20:53,419
She probably throw me under a bus for talking about that.

279
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:53,569
Yeah.

280
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:54,480
Oh, sure.

281
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,061
Some days I'm going to be, I'm not going to be my best self.

282
00:20:57,061 --> 00:21:03,045
And what we have to do is in our family, what we don't do is we don't insult each other.

283
00:21:03,045 --> 00:21:07,267
We, we, We hold space for each other as they like to say in those moments.

284
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,839
And then, you know, when it's her turn, I know, hey you know what?

285
00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:11,051
Nobody's perfect.

286
00:21:11,051 --> 00:21:14,362
My golden princess over here is still human.

287
00:21:15,082 --> 00:21:26,526
That's why I loved what you said about my dream woman is unfolding in real time before my
very eyes.

288
00:21:26,526 --> 00:21:28,926
And as a man, I can influence that.

289
00:21:28,926 --> 00:21:33,147
I think that's something that a lot of guys miss.

290
00:21:33,848 --> 00:21:38,849
I can go out with a woman who is sexy to me.

291
00:21:39,095 --> 00:21:39,836
She's beautiful.

292
00:21:39,836 --> 00:21:41,907
She has a nice personality.

293
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:54,679
I control a lot of the elements over the, over the ensuing months and years that will,
that will decide what kind of woman she is in two years.

294
00:21:54,679 --> 00:22:01,705
Now you said it goes both ways, which I would agree with, but since we're talking mostly
to the male crowd, let's get them excited about this.

295
00:22:02,786 --> 00:22:05,128
I've seen guys go out with a woman.

296
00:22:05,128 --> 00:22:06,249
I want you to comment on this.

297
00:22:06,249 --> 00:22:09,890
I'm going let you riff away after I just throw it on the table, okay?

298
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:14,193
I've seen guys go out with a woman and you know, she's a great chick.

299
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:29,301
Two years later, she's fat as a cow, bitchy as hell, angry, bitter, sick, not healthy, and
rolls her eyes at everything he says and disrespects him in public, embarrasses him.

300
00:22:29,561 --> 00:22:34,784
Then I've seen another guy go out with a very similar woman and my goodness, she's like a

301
00:22:34,784 --> 00:22:47,451
movie star, gritty, uh resilient, respectable, almost regal, queen-like woman.

302
00:22:47,451 --> 00:22:56,766
You know, I had a guy come on this show and he said a lot of guys, you know, kind of scoff
at the idea of simping at a woman enough to make her his queen.

303
00:22:56,913 --> 00:22:57,564
Haha

304
00:22:57,564 --> 00:22:59,530
I said, I took the words out of his mouth.

305
00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:00,510
I kind of stole his thunder.

306
00:23:00,510 --> 00:23:02,996
I was like, well, you know, if she's the queen, what does that make you?

307
00:23:02,996 --> 00:23:04,277
He goes, exactly.

308
00:23:04,277 --> 00:23:06,668
You the king is what he said.

309
00:23:07,208 --> 00:23:15,552
So if she's my queen and I'm her king, you know, we both have responsibility in this
relationship to be there for each other and hold space for each other.

310
00:23:15,552 --> 00:23:27,076
But it is amazing how couples will either grow or regress with each other in just a
multitude of ways as time passes short term and long.

311
00:23:27,371 --> 00:23:28,197
You know?

312
00:23:28,222 --> 00:23:30,003
yeah, yeah, for sure.

313
00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:39,892
And I think that you would agree, I'm quite certain of it, that it's not that a woman
becomes your queen and then you become her king.

314
00:23:39,892 --> 00:23:44,156
It is nearly always that you must show up as a king.

315
00:23:45,137 --> 00:23:48,760
If you don't show up as a king, she really can't be your queen.

316
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,353
She can just be your sex idol or your whatever idol.

317
00:23:51,353 --> 00:23:53,944
You know, that's the, you know, men put a woman up on a pedestal.

318
00:23:53,944 --> 00:23:54,195
is.

319
00:23:54,195 --> 00:23:56,889
uh

320
00:23:56,889 --> 00:23:58,389
to put your woman on a pedestal.

321
00:23:58,389 --> 00:23:59,609
It's great.

322
00:24:00,329 --> 00:24:06,989
But also she has a need to be able to worship her man.

323
00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:09,649
She needs to respect and admire him.

324
00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:15,069
And if she can't respect and admire him and he puts her up on a pedestal, this is a recipe
for disaster, right?

325
00:24:15,069 --> 00:24:19,029
And in fact, it needs to go in the reverse order.

326
00:24:19,221 --> 00:24:22,895
It's kind of this idea of I get on the pedestal and bring you up here with me.

327
00:24:22,895 --> 00:24:30,427
Yeah, there's something that you said right at the beginning, which is exactly right,
which is again, it's in the character of sexual polarity.

328
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:35,418
It's not the same for every couple, but it's a very, very, you know, fat bell curve.

329
00:24:35,418 --> 00:24:51,403
And for most couples, certainly for most heterosexual humans, the way sexual polarity
works is that the masculine desires and the woman is desired and her turn on is lit by his

330
00:24:51,403 --> 00:24:52,343
desire.

331
00:24:52,465 --> 00:25:05,856
That a woman's sexual response, her femininity, her identity as a woman versus her
identity as whatever her profession is, her identity as a daughter, her identity as a

332
00:25:05,856 --> 00:25:07,202
person and citizen of the world.

333
00:25:07,202 --> 00:25:18,856
You know, a woman might have many identities, an identity as a player of the sport she
loves, but her identity as a woman, as a feminine being, that piece of her can only come

334
00:25:18,856 --> 00:25:22,269
out responsively, typically, typically.

335
00:25:22,269 --> 00:25:24,249
It comes out responsively.

336
00:25:24,309 --> 00:25:30,089
So, you you hear a lot of, you know, woke women say terrible things about the male gaze.

337
00:25:30,089 --> 00:25:36,349
And I think that the male gaze can be weaponized and is weaponized and is a shitty
experience for a lot of women.

338
00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:38,889
And they're, know, when they're thinking of cat calls and whatnot.

339
00:25:38,889 --> 00:25:45,129
But yeah, the male gaze is what they crave the most from a man who, as you say, is
trustable.

340
00:25:45,129 --> 00:25:51,329
And I would, you know, parse that into smaller pieces, but I think you're using trust as a
larger umbrella.

341
00:25:51,709 --> 00:25:59,441
um But anyway, I could continue or you can continue with your...

342
00:26:00,383 --> 00:26:01,344
Okay.

343
00:26:02,447 --> 00:26:04,429
Yeah, hit me.

344
00:26:05,805 --> 00:26:19,116
I am firmly of the belief that the reason why my wife thinks I'm the greatest guy ever is
because I chose her and identified her as my favorite woman I've ever met.

345
00:26:19,717 --> 00:26:21,398
It was a cause/effect.

346
00:26:21,879 --> 00:26:23,290
I think we liked each other.

347
00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,311
We were hot for each other.

348
00:26:24,311 --> 00:26:26,862
We had chemistry, all that wonderful stuff.

349
00:26:26,863 --> 00:26:32,227
But when I, and she remembers it verbatim, it's etched in stone in her memory.

350
00:26:32,227 --> 00:26:34,629
What I said to her when I went exclusive with her.

351
00:26:35,733 --> 00:26:43,079
And I said, you know, I just, haven't known you very long, but what I know already is I
don't, I don't need any other women.

352
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,222
I think it should just be you and me from now on.

353
00:26:45,222 --> 00:26:49,365
I choose you and I will always protect your heart is what I told her.

354
00:26:49,466 --> 00:26:50,587
And I'm paraphrasing it.

355
00:26:50,587 --> 00:26:51,767
She could tell you exactly what I said.

356
00:26:51,767 --> 00:26:53,109
She'd sit here and correct me.

357
00:26:53,109 --> 00:26:54,740
She goes, no, 20 years ago.

358
00:26:54,740 --> 00:26:55,951
Here's what she said.

359
00:26:56,612 --> 00:27:00,975
But that had such an impression on her that it almost caught her like a deer in the
headlights going.

360
00:27:01,457 --> 00:27:02,437
Yes.

361
00:27:02,509 --> 00:27:12,306
I mean, it was almost like the precursor of me asking her to marry me was me making that
decision to choose her, which is what a marriage should be.

362
00:27:12,306 --> 00:27:16,595
But like I said, too many people are chasing, huh?

363
00:27:16,595 --> 00:27:17,895
That was the marriage proposal right there.

364
00:27:17,895 --> 00:27:18,516
You don't need the words.

365
00:27:18,516 --> 00:27:19,816
That was the...

366
00:27:19,996 --> 00:27:20,817
You know what I mean?

367
00:27:20,817 --> 00:27:22,707
Yeah.

368
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:31,421
That's the proclamation that says I wanna throw in my life with you and uh be partners in
this game of life.

369
00:27:31,421 --> 00:27:34,742
And I guess, yeah.

370
00:27:34,903 --> 00:27:35,253
Yeah.

371
00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:41,137
And I think that the reason that I'm pointing to these five traits or however you wanna...

372
00:27:41,137 --> 00:27:42,538
break it down and...

373
00:27:43,261 --> 00:27:53,047
it's because for a lot of men might have a different experience where they claim a woman
that way and she feels nothing but creeped out.

374
00:27:55,246 --> 00:28:05,139
Well, yeah, think if you try to do this before you've actually established rapport, let
alone chemistry and attraction, yeah, that's the danger zone.

375
00:28:05,139 --> 00:28:07,134
I think that almost goes without saying.

376
00:28:07,134 --> 00:28:10,006
men act from infatuation.

377
00:28:10,808 --> 00:28:12,950
But also, haven't...

378
00:28:13,671 --> 00:28:20,619
You did a lot of other things right, that made her feel, as you say, completely trustable
to be that man.

379
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,243
And also desirable to be that man.

380
00:28:23,243 --> 00:28:25,685
I think desire is really important here.

381
00:28:26,253 --> 00:28:28,375
Let's bring this back down to earth for these guys.

382
00:28:28,375 --> 00:28:31,527
I know there's a lot of guys out there saying, man, you two are happily married.

383
00:28:31,527 --> 00:28:32,818
You both got hot wives.

384
00:28:32,818 --> 00:28:33,568
Screw you guys.

385
00:28:33,568 --> 00:28:45,056
You know, I mean, and I, know, and I've taken some ribbing for, for running a rather
idealistic show for men to begin with, but hell, you know, that's who the heck I am.

386
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:48,878
You know, this isn't the show for, for, you know, lovable losers.

387
00:28:48,878 --> 00:28:51,100
This is the show for guys who want to go from good to great.

388
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:52,230
So be it.

389
00:28:52,521 --> 00:28:53,872
We respect everybody.

390
00:28:53,872 --> 00:28:55,593
If you're, if you're going

391
00:28:55,593 --> 00:28:57,014
on an upward trajectory.

392
00:28:57,014 --> 00:28:57,904
I love you, man.

393
00:28:57,904 --> 00:29:07,088
And wherever you are, believe me, I was once you, you know, I hit rock bottom so hard I
hadn't any other choice, but to bounce.

394
00:29:07,088 --> 00:29:07,598
I've been there.

395
00:29:07,598 --> 00:29:13,761
I know all that, but it's amazing how much dating advice for men out there is the
opposite.

396
00:29:14,001 --> 00:29:18,143
It's teaching you how to be a bottom feeder even more than you already are.

397
00:29:18,283 --> 00:29:22,495
A great example is stop chasing women and make them chase you instead.

398
00:29:22,495 --> 00:29:23,605
It's like,

399
00:29:23,787 --> 00:29:29,561
you know, that sounds really good on paper if you have this almost vengeful mentality
towards pretty chicks.

400
00:29:29,781 --> 00:29:33,243
Like, you know, I'm sick of getting rejected.

401
00:29:33,284 --> 00:29:35,925
Give me something to reject for a change.

402
00:29:35,946 --> 00:29:40,329
You know, let me wave off a few hot chicks and feel good about myself.

403
00:29:40,469 --> 00:29:46,333
All of that is so fear-based and wrong-headed because neither Emily nor I chased each
other.

404
00:29:46,774 --> 00:29:49,597
We met each other and went, I choose you.

405
00:29:49,597 --> 00:29:50,556
It's like the Spider-Man meme.

406
00:29:50,556 --> 00:29:51,687
You, you know?

407
00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:54,244
And I don't need these other schlubs anymore.

408
00:29:54,244 --> 00:30:01,048
I don't need these other Betties anymore You and I because not to be missed I know my
character.

409
00:30:01,048 --> 00:30:10,325
I know what I believe, I know why I believe it, I know the God I pray to, I know the
vacations I like to go on, the parenting I'd like to conduct with as many children as I'd

410
00:30:10,325 --> 00:30:11,275
like to have.

411
00:30:11,275 --> 00:30:13,577
I know which lever I voted for in the phone...

412
00:30:13,577 --> 00:30:15,318
in the the in the voting booth.

413
00:30:15,318 --> 00:30:20,261
I may vote for someone in the phone booth, too, but that would have been years ago ...

414
00:30:21,185 --> 00:30:27,787
And she's like, yes, you know, you don't have to tiptoe on eggshells with me on that
stuff.

415
00:30:27,787 --> 00:30:30,667
Suddenly she's my best friend and I'm hot for her.

416
00:30:31,028 --> 00:30:41,641
The next thing you know, all these wonderful things that we were talking about as pie in
the sky before start falling into place because it all started with this expectation that

417
00:30:41,641 --> 00:30:45,011
who I am is going to be enough for the right person for me.

418
00:30:45,072 --> 00:30:50,593
Because if I'm trying to be someone I'm not, I can't really expect to attract

419
00:30:50,593 --> 00:30:55,241
the right person or someone who's congruent with me, certainly for the long term...

420
00:30:56,949 --> 00:31:02,841
under those circumstances, because all I'm trying to do at that point is get a chick and
probably get laid.

421
00:31:02,841 --> 00:31:04,744
If I'm trying to be something I'm not.

422
00:31:04,905 --> 00:31:06,697
This is a whole different level you're talking about.

423
00:31:06,697 --> 00:31:08,508
don't know that they're even in doing it.

424
00:31:08,508 --> 00:31:13,100
But also there's this other piece about not being somebody you're not.

425
00:31:13,401 --> 00:31:23,667
And the other piece is not just that she gets to know who you really are and that's
trustable, but that act of courage is hot.

426
00:31:23,667 --> 00:31:24,748
It's so hot.

427
00:31:24,748 --> 00:31:26,349
Like that's what I was talking about with freedom.

428
00:31:26,349 --> 00:31:33,152
It's like this idea that you can be yourself regardless of the cost is...

429
00:31:34,363 --> 00:31:40,824
You know what women would say is so hot and it is it's it's....you know exactly.

430
00:31:40,824 --> 00:31:41,173
Exactly.

431
00:31:41,173 --> 00:31:43,273
get squashed because I'm such a weakling.

432
00:31:43,273 --> 00:31:48,253
It's I had the courage to face something regardless of what the outcome is going to be.

433
00:31:48,253 --> 00:31:51,813
And that courage is indeed hot to a woman.

434
00:31:52,013 --> 00:31:52,247
Yes.

435
00:31:52,247 --> 00:32:10,657
regarding not chasing, it's tactically sound and it mirrors some good features of things
like self-trust and freedom and presence and sexual confidence and uh worthiness and all

436
00:32:10,657 --> 00:32:13,229
of these other qualities that we may or not get to.

437
00:32:13,229 --> 00:32:21,453
um But the other thing that's actually good about it is that it may help you to learn...

438
00:32:22,193 --> 00:32:30,096
may actually help you to learn the value of not just pouncing on every woman who is
doable.

439
00:32:30,473 --> 00:32:42,643
Like you said, you're horny and she's available, or you're lonely and then it's even more
intense and you're going all in trying to get this woman instead of having standards.

440
00:32:42,643 --> 00:32:48,305
And I think when men say, when pickup artists and whoever, dating coaches say,

441
00:32:48,497 --> 00:32:52,459
you know, have her chase you, I think what they mean is have standards.

442
00:32:52,619 --> 00:33:01,064
Get to know a woman, and get to know a lot of women, and then, you know, this idea that
I'm not just gonna jump into bed with you is provocative.

443
00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:09,068
And it makes you think, well, who is this guy that he's different from other men who just
wanna fuck me because I'm incredibly beautiful and I was wearing my sexiest skirt tonight.

444
00:33:09,068 --> 00:33:18,013
um So there's some curiosity, there's some interest, I mean, it's tactically sound, but
yeah, it's incomplete because...

445
00:33:18,013 --> 00:33:23,893
So I will say that when I met my wife, I chased the living shit out of her.

446
00:33:23,893 --> 00:33:31,613
I chased her for three months relentlessly, relentlessly like a stalker.

447
00:33:31,733 --> 00:33:45,947
But I had all these other fundamentals right, so it didn't matter because she knew that I
had options and I wasn't being insane and devotional and I wasn't lonely and...

448
00:33:45,947 --> 00:33:58,861
I was displaying all of these other things, which is my freedom of self-expression, my
self-trust, my sexual confidence, my presence, which I would love to try and get to, uh

449
00:33:58,861 --> 00:34:01,951
worthiness, uh sexual confidence.

450
00:34:01,951 --> 00:34:05,343
Like these things really resonate for a woman.

451
00:34:05,343 --> 00:34:09,264
ah But yeah, I had to chase her.

452
00:34:09,264 --> 00:34:12,004
Happy to tell that story, if you like.

453
00:34:12,064 --> 00:34:13,365
But it was, yeah.

454
00:34:13,501 --> 00:34:18,554
You've opened up a whole can of worms here because we were just talking about how chasing
is bad, m'kay.

455
00:34:18,554 --> 00:34:19,801
And choosing is good.

456
00:34:19,801 --> 00:34:33,620
chasing is symptomatic of bad and being choosy and not immediately throwing yourself on
every woman that goes by is symptomatic of a lot of good things.

457
00:34:33,620 --> 00:34:35,806
And so tactically it's sound.

458
00:34:35,806 --> 00:34:37,346
It's sound tactically.

459
00:34:37,346 --> 00:34:45,729
But you don't need to do what's tactically sound if you have these other things right
because women will be magnetically drawn to you.

460
00:34:46,549 --> 00:34:46,955
Yeah.

461
00:34:46,955 --> 00:34:49,517
magic word you said was options.

462
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,165
It's the desperation that makes you unattractive, whoever you are.

463
00:34:54,165 --> 00:35:02,194
One is the more desperate one seems, the fewer options one seems to have, the less
attractive one gets.

464
00:35:03,157 --> 00:35:03,689
So

465
00:35:03,689 --> 00:35:11,465
is funded by unworthiness because at some point, at some point you asked a woman out and
she said, no, that's happened to everybody.

466
00:35:11,465 --> 00:35:16,367
And at some point you uh really fell for a woman and she broke up with you.

467
00:35:16,488 --> 00:35:19,550
And what are you really basing your worthiness on?

468
00:35:19,550 --> 00:35:23,853
So then there's this woman and you try and get her.

469
00:35:23,853 --> 00:35:27,075
And if you get her, then you're going to, hell yeah, I feel good about myself.

470
00:35:27,075 --> 00:35:30,097
And if you don't get her, wah, wah, you're going to feel bad about yourself.

471
00:35:30,097 --> 00:35:35,035
because your worthiness, your validation is external and not internal.

472
00:35:35,035 --> 00:35:37,182
And it's really, really hard.

473
00:35:37,182 --> 00:35:37,913
or a conquest.

474
00:35:37,913 --> 00:35:39,069
It's a relationship.

475
00:35:39,069 --> 00:35:45,789
Yeah, well, sometimes it's a goal, sometimes it's a conquest, but that's right, that's
right.

476
00:35:45,789 --> 00:35:58,149
So I certainly, when I was chasing my now wife of nearly 20 years, she was definitely goal
conquest material.

477
00:35:58,509 --> 00:36:02,449
I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, you know?

478
00:36:02,509 --> 00:36:09,333
But, you know, I quickly started to figure out that she was amazing and...

479
00:36:09,853 --> 00:36:16,473
I have some imposter syndrome about giving advice to men because it's so easy for me, I
found the best one.

480
00:36:16,473 --> 00:36:17,213
You know what I mean?

481
00:36:17,213 --> 00:36:18,093
Sure, you have the same experience.

482
00:36:18,093 --> 00:36:23,153
When you find the best one, when you find the one that's for you, it's pretty easy.

483
00:36:23,153 --> 00:36:24,163
It's pretty easy.

484
00:36:24,163 --> 00:36:26,905
authentic and you found yourself and you have character.

485
00:36:26,905 --> 00:36:33,817
So, you know, the light you were shining to the world would attract the moths to the flame
that are going to be the ones that are best for you.

486
00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:37,219
That's the, that's the kernel of what we're talking about here.

487
00:36:37,219 --> 00:36:47,403
I mean, I have grown to be unapologetic towards having attracted the greatest woman I've
ever known because I'm a biased opinion.

488
00:36:47,843 --> 00:36:49,879
She's the greatest woman I've ever known.

489
00:36:49,879 --> 00:36:52,289
I mean, these guys will send me pictures of

490
00:36:52,289 --> 00:36:58,150
you know, women when they're getting married and they thank me, thank me, thank me for
helping them, you know, because they weren't, they were dateless five years ago.

491
00:36:58,150 --> 00:37:02,203
And now look, and I'll be like, okay, alright.

492
00:37:02,203 --> 00:37:05,545
You know, she's not my dream woman, but this guy's in love with her.

493
00:37:05,545 --> 00:37:07,335
That's, that's all that matters.

494
00:37:07,335 --> 00:37:09,656
That's what makes the world go around.

495
00:37:10,737 --> 00:37:11,437
Yeah.

496
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:16,017
but also I think that men are under the illusion.

497
00:37:16,017 --> 00:37:18,917
This is a really important little piece for a lot of men.

498
00:37:18,917 --> 00:37:25,057
A lot of men are under the illusion that, yeah, a lot of men are under the illusion that
the more beautiful she is, the harder she is to get.

499
00:37:25,057 --> 00:37:28,177
That's just not true at all, remotely.

500
00:37:28,597 --> 00:37:29,269
Yeah.

501
00:37:29,453 --> 00:37:40,061
The more beautiful she is to a larger cross section of men, typically the easier it is to
get her naked because she doesn't have body issues.

502
00:37:40,302 --> 00:37:41,523
I've noticed that too.

503
00:37:41,523 --> 00:37:43,504
That's repeated again and again.

504
00:37:44,816 --> 00:37:44,996
yeah.

505
00:37:44,996 --> 00:37:47,248
They're easier to get naked the hotter they are.

506
00:37:47,789 --> 00:37:48,191
Yeah.

507
00:37:48,191 --> 00:37:56,017
you ever want to test this out when you're at a nightclub, if you go to nightclubs, which
I don't do anymore, what did I miss?

508
00:37:56,786 --> 00:37:59,299
I'm not even sure we have nightclubs anymore in San Antonio.

509
00:37:59,299 --> 00:38:03,774
Everything's gone to the outdoor park-oriented Christmas lights in summertime.

510
00:38:03,774 --> 00:38:07,238
Let's all play cornhole and get drunk together venue.

511
00:38:08,079 --> 00:38:09,191
Oh yeah, for sure.

512
00:38:09,191 --> 00:38:09,839
Yeah.

513
00:38:09,839 --> 00:38:19,503
walk up to a very beautiful woman in a club who's really just smoking hot and you ask her
if you can see her breasts, she'll almost always comply.

514
00:38:20,624 --> 00:38:22,014
Yeah, hot women love being hot.

515
00:38:22,014 --> 00:38:22,435
They love it.

516
00:38:22,435 --> 00:38:23,735
They love it.

517
00:38:24,073 --> 00:38:30,833
Along those same lines, every single time, as long as you know, the confines are there.

518
00:38:31,173 --> 00:38:34,553
A woman is bragging about her boob job she just got done.

519
00:38:34,973 --> 00:38:38,293
You can say, let's see them and then she'll show them to you.

520
00:38:38,293 --> 00:38:38,733
100%.

521
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,613
Yeah.

522
00:38:39,873 --> 00:38:43,433
Guys are like mind blown, you know, when they see this stuff.

523
00:38:43,573 --> 00:38:43,873
Yeah.

524
00:38:43,873 --> 00:38:44,633
Oh yeah.

525
00:38:45,013 --> 00:38:46,513
Talk to, talk to us about presence, Alex.

526
00:38:46,513 --> 00:38:47,717
I know you want to talk about that.

527
00:38:47,805 --> 00:38:50,785
Yeah, I would love to get into that a little bit.

528
00:38:52,669 --> 00:38:55,309
Presence is the absence of your agenda.

529
00:38:55,309 --> 00:38:57,849
I think, you know, you hear the yoga crowd talk about this a lot.

530
00:38:57,849 --> 00:39:00,569
It's about being here now instead of somewhere else.

531
00:39:00,569 --> 00:39:05,549
And the somewhere else is your agenda or your strategy.

532
00:39:06,529 --> 00:39:11,869
For a man in a sexless marriage, he begins, you know, to reaction monitor.

533
00:39:11,869 --> 00:39:16,469
He's being very careful to, you know, please her and pick up her dry cleaning.

534
00:39:16,469 --> 00:39:17,309
And do you like me now?

535
00:39:17,309 --> 00:39:17,809
Do you like me now?

536
00:39:17,809 --> 00:39:18,717
Do you like me now?

537
00:39:18,717 --> 00:39:24,557
Hoping that it's gonna lead to no fights so that maybe on Friday we can get busy.

538
00:39:24,597 --> 00:39:34,337
And he's constantly rearranging who he is, which goes back to freedom, to try and game
this.

539
00:39:34,337 --> 00:39:40,577
But the consequence of that, the consequence of that is that he's not there with her.

540
00:39:40,577 --> 00:39:42,257
And she can feel that.

541
00:39:42,917 --> 00:39:44,457
No idea, no idea.

542
00:39:44,457 --> 00:39:48,077
But also she intuits

543
00:39:48,167 --> 00:39:58,322
quite rightly, that he has no idea who she is either, because he's so busy in his trying
to figure out who to be and what to say.

544
00:39:58,322 --> 00:40:05,047
He's so busy in his fears and, you know, I'll, you know, honestly, I've had this...

545
00:40:05,047 --> 00:40:08,165
she has no depth beyond the agenda he has for her.

546
00:40:08,221 --> 00:40:16,441
Yeah, and we, I've certainly experienced this in this conversation where you said
something and I was like, oh God, I gotta comment on that.

547
00:40:16,441 --> 00:40:23,121
And then you kept talking and talking and I'm like, I'm not really as present as I might
be because I'm like, I gotta remember to say that thing, you know?

548
00:40:23,121 --> 00:40:24,841
And that's not presence.

549
00:40:25,061 --> 00:40:26,741
And you can get away with it.

550
00:40:26,741 --> 00:40:29,641
You can get away with, you know, messing up all these things by the way.

551
00:40:29,641 --> 00:40:31,861
You can get away with messing it up a lot.

552
00:40:31,861 --> 00:40:36,421
Doing it a little is incredibly powerful medicine and being present means

553
00:40:36,515 --> 00:40:37,947
actually listening to who she is.

554
00:40:37,947 --> 00:40:47,151
You know, very often when I work with couples, she'll say something to me about what's
going on.

555
00:40:48,719 --> 00:41:00,407
In my presence with him standing right there and he will have not heard it because it
doesn't align with the reality that he's made in his head about what's really wrong or

556
00:41:00,407 --> 00:41:02,143
about what she's really thinking or...

557
00:41:02,143 --> 00:41:16,949
And he literally if I ask him what she said he he can't repeat it and the opposite I can't
tell you how many times there was one that was really bizarre uh a client of mine he said

558
00:41:16,949 --> 00:41:17,937
you know when

559
00:41:17,937 --> 00:41:26,199
when you do this particular thing, it really hurts my feelings and it makes me feel like
you have no respect for me.

560
00:41:26,199 --> 00:41:28,020
And I said, did you hear what he said?

561
00:41:28,020 --> 00:41:29,800
And she said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

562
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,261
I said, what did he say?

563
00:41:31,541 --> 00:41:39,393
And she said, ah he said that, you know, sometimes I'm mean.

564
00:41:39,393 --> 00:41:42,794
And I said, that's not really what he said, Craig, say that again.

565
00:41:42,794 --> 00:41:44,244
And he said it again.

566
00:41:44,244 --> 00:41:45,255
I said, what did he say?

567
00:41:45,255 --> 00:41:46,653
Again.

568
00:41:46,653 --> 00:41:49,173
Like literally she couldn't process it.

569
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:50,953
He said it five times.

570
00:41:51,793 --> 00:41:53,813
She just couldn't hear it.

571
00:41:53,813 --> 00:41:56,453
It just didn't jive with her reality.

572
00:41:56,573 --> 00:41:59,673
Being present means not being in your story.

573
00:41:59,673 --> 00:42:04,833
It means stop telling your story and actually pay attention to the way reality is.

574
00:42:04,833 --> 00:42:05,753
And we do this everywhere.

575
00:42:05,753 --> 00:42:08,033
You know, people do this buying lottery tickets.

576
00:42:08,033 --> 00:42:14,583
People do this, you know, overestimating, you know, what they're going to earn in a job or
from a thing or a...

577
00:42:14,583 --> 00:42:16,401
We do this everywhere.

578
00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:21,583
But in relationships, it's so toxic because we're not dealing with what is.

579
00:42:21,583 --> 00:42:24,845
And a woman wants to feel seen and a man wants to feel seen.

580
00:42:24,845 --> 00:42:30,927
We want to feel like she gets me, like she knows who I am and she knows all my bullshit
and she loves me anyway.

581
00:42:31,368 --> 00:42:33,208
That's what she wants to feel.

582
00:42:33,448 --> 00:42:36,790
But she can't feel that when you're not with her.

583
00:42:36,790 --> 00:42:38,431
You have to actually be like with her.

584
00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:39,841
It's deeper than listening.

585
00:42:39,841 --> 00:42:44,393
It's listening and intuiting her emotions and

586
00:42:44,953 --> 00:42:50,518
you know, absorbing her beauty and her breath and her smell and just being with her,
really seeing her.

587
00:42:50,518 --> 00:42:56,303
And then when you say, of crazy about you, it means something.

588
00:42:56,303 --> 00:42:57,474
It means something.

589
00:42:57,474 --> 00:43:01,747
It means something that's so intense and she can't get it otherwise.

590
00:43:02,148 --> 00:43:03,828
She can't get it otherwise.

591
00:43:04,730 --> 00:43:05,630
Yeah.

592
00:43:06,872 --> 00:43:07,662
Yeah.

593
00:43:07,662 --> 00:43:13,447
And what's real and say more about that and what's scary for you and what a

594
00:43:13,447 --> 00:43:18,179
about me that you find sexually repellent.

595
00:43:18,260 --> 00:43:18,900
Really?

596
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:20,221
That's so interesting.

597
00:43:20,221 --> 00:43:21,401
I hear you, yeah.

598
00:43:21,401 --> 00:43:30,106
I might not change it unless I want to because she's pointing out something that I,
sometimes she'll point out something that's resonant where you're like, wow, that's not

599
00:43:30,106 --> 00:43:31,027
the man I wanna be.

600
00:43:31,027 --> 00:43:35,589
And sometimes she says something where you're like, I guess I'm a pig that way.

601
00:43:35,589 --> 00:43:36,790
You know what I mean?

602
00:43:36,790 --> 00:43:40,091
And that's fine, but she feels heard.

603
00:43:40,092 --> 00:43:42,873
And now, you know,

604
00:43:42,873 --> 00:43:53,677
she can begin to that alchemy of finding that challenge perfect, that alchemy that comes
from really making that true love surrender decision.

605
00:43:54,157 --> 00:43:56,478
Which like I said, you don't go into that lightly.

606
00:43:56,898 --> 00:44:01,000
People go into wedding vows lightly.

607
00:44:01,620 --> 00:44:03,965
Lightly, I know that because then when I talk to the like...

608
00:44:03,965 --> 00:44:06,861
relationship or even the marriage is disposable to them.

609
00:44:06,861 --> 00:44:07,814
It's not a commitment.

610
00:44:07,814 --> 00:44:10,265
Not at the time, there's just a lot of self lying, you know?

611
00:44:10,265 --> 00:44:13,308
And I guess they know there's a way out...

612
00:44:13,308 --> 00:44:14,839
What's that?

613
00:44:16,180 --> 00:44:18,302
Yeah, my dog is all in on this, brother.

614
00:44:18,302 --> 00:44:20,142
She is ride or die on this.

615
00:44:20,142 --> 00:44:20,803
she's excited.

616
00:44:20,803 --> 00:44:24,159
Well, it sounds like your dog needs a little love, man.

617
00:44:24,159 --> 00:44:26,893
So what we're going to do is we're going to send these guys to your website at this point.

618
00:44:26,893 --> 00:44:28,045
This has been a great conversation.

619
00:44:28,045 --> 00:44:29,190
We could go on and on...

620
00:44:29,190 --> 00:44:30,399
Exactly right, puppy.

621
00:44:30,399 --> 00:44:32,517
would love to, but yeah, I get it.

622
00:44:32,517 --> 00:44:36,035
There's places to go and people to piss off.

623
00:44:36,035 --> 00:44:37,927
you're not talking like a guy who has the flu.

624
00:44:37,927 --> 00:44:41,168
You sound like a guy who has, you know, perfect health.

625
00:44:42,209 --> 00:44:43,509
Yeah, right.

626
00:44:44,230 --> 00:44:46,571
Anyway, your fur baby needs some love.

627
00:44:46,571 --> 00:44:50,033
So we're going to go ahead send these guys to the, uh, to the website.

628
00:44:50,513 --> 00:44:54,375
These days you're doing something called howtoman.tv and I'm to send guys...

629
00:44:54,375 --> 00:44:55,736
You know, obviously you can go there.

630
00:44:55,736 --> 00:45:05,331
Howtoman.tv is pretty easy, but if you go to mountaintoppodcast.com/ howtoman with a T O
...H O W T O M A N

631
00:45:05,358 --> 00:45:07,499
They're going to find uh your latest project.

632
00:45:07,499 --> 00:45:08,203
What's up with that?

633
00:45:08,203 --> 00:45:10,060
What are you doing over there, Alex?

634
00:45:10,075 --> 00:45:17,789
Yeah, it's just a site where um all of my programs have been kind of redone in pretty
video.

635
00:45:17,789 --> 00:45:32,817
So they're all up there and you can kind of see what it is that we're doing, uh which is
essentially to help men become themselves with women.

636
00:45:33,198 --> 00:45:39,481
And it comes from a conversation I had with my friend Jennifer uh at a New Year's party.

637
00:45:39,937 --> 00:45:47,542
And uh she said, you know, there's something that's so beautiful to watch about the way
you man for your woman.

638
00:45:47,703 --> 00:45:50,044
And she used it as a verb.

639
00:45:50,144 --> 00:45:55,988
And she's like, I would love to sit and have a conversation about how you man for her.

640
00:45:56,809 --> 00:45:59,211
And I just think it would be really enlightening.

641
00:45:59,211 --> 00:46:01,953
And then a couple of other people joined the group.

642
00:46:01,953 --> 00:46:08,637
And pretty soon I was kind of unpacking how to man for a woman, in

643
00:46:08,637 --> 00:46:12,677
way I did it specifically, which is not really what the program is about.

644
00:46:12,677 --> 00:46:14,037
The program isn't about the way I do it.

645
00:46:14,037 --> 00:46:15,317
It's about finding the way you do it.

646
00:46:15,317 --> 00:46:29,457
But yeah, it covers, you know, everything from sexuality to dating to deepening
relationships and marriages.

647
00:46:29,577 --> 00:46:31,277
And I don't know, I'm super high on it.

648
00:46:31,277 --> 00:46:36,617
I think it's a beautiful endeavor and it's been incredibly rewarding.

649
00:46:37,067 --> 00:46:38,543
Mountaintoppodcast.com/howtoman.

650
00:46:38,543 --> 00:46:49,574
Also, when you go to the members area, I'd be remiss if I didn't give you links to
Revolutionary Sex, Power Switch, Playmate Switch, and also something you call TEC, which

651
00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:51,495
is total ejaculation control.

652
00:46:51,495 --> 00:46:56,728
And you're very vociferous about this isn't your typical, you know, PE program.

653
00:46:56,728 --> 00:46:59,049
This has got completely different content.

654
00:46:59,049 --> 00:47:01,551
So I'm excited to send those guys to that.

655
00:47:01,551 --> 00:47:06,073
So guys, all those are there for you in the members area as well.

656
00:47:06,389 --> 00:47:09,777
Alex Allman, from beautiful San Diego, California nowadays.

657
00:47:09,777 --> 00:47:11,194
Thank you for joining us, man.

658
00:47:11,194 --> 00:47:13,274
It's been a great conversation and I think an essential one.

659
00:47:13,274 --> 00:47:13,997
Thanks.

660
00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:15,681
Yeah, I really appreciate you, brother.

661
00:47:15,809 --> 00:47:25,656
Yeah And guys if you haven't checked out our sponsors lately Um, let me tell you something
Origin in Maine over the past couple years, Jocko Willink, and Pete and the guys over

662
00:47:25,656 --> 00:47:25,913
there...

663
00:47:25,913 --> 00:47:34,219
Pete Roberts and the guys over there have just come out with a whole line that will dress
you up as a man and you know authentically without pretending.

664
00:47:34,219 --> 00:47:36,064
All made in the United States.

665
00:47:36,064 --> 00:47:40,527
The jeans and the boots, you know, the boots are the most amazing shoes i've ever worn.

666
00:47:40,527 --> 00:47:44,109
I wear them every opportunity I possibly can and...

667
00:47:44,140 --> 00:47:47,391
Now they've got different kinds of shorts, different kinds of shirts.

668
00:47:47,391 --> 00:47:52,392
Of course, the BJJ guis are all still there, but they've really stepped up their game.

669
00:47:52,392 --> 00:47:55,233
And man, you won't believe the catalog that Origin has.

670
00:47:55,233 --> 00:48:03,955
If you haven't been there in a while, use the coupon code "mountain10" to get 10 % off
anything you find in Jocko Willinks company's catalog.

671
00:48:03,955 --> 00:48:05,035
I think you guys are going to love it.

672
00:48:05,035 --> 00:48:06,195
I sure do.

673
00:48:06,296 --> 00:48:07,876
Hero Soap.

674
00:48:08,516 --> 00:48:12,317
If you're one of these long haired guys, you know, you know,

675
00:48:12,587 --> 00:48:19,601
I used to know a guy in the Marines and as soon as he got out of the Marines all he did
was grow his hair because he was so sick of having short cropped hair.

676
00:48:19,601 --> 00:48:24,884
Hey man, it's cool, but you're gonna need to learn how to use conditioner, but you don't
want to use your chick's conditioner.

677
00:48:24,885 --> 00:48:27,466
Hero Soap has got you handled gentlemen.

678
00:48:27,466 --> 00:48:29,657
Hero Soap conditioner for men.

679
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:30,558
Imagine such a thing.

680
00:48:30,558 --> 00:48:31,249
They've got it.

681
00:48:31,249 --> 00:48:35,751
It's yours for the low low price of whatever he's charging for it and you can get it in
manly scents.

682
00:48:35,751 --> 00:48:37,352
That's the newest thing going on over there.

683
00:48:37,352 --> 00:48:39,053
And of course, as always,

684
00:48:39,573 --> 00:48:45,397
I tell you what, is the mental image maybe not so good, but as a fact, it is rock solid.

685
00:48:45,397 --> 00:48:49,009
I feel naked without my Keyport if I don't have it in my pocket every day.

686
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:52,821
This is not your grandfather's uh Swiss army knife.

687
00:48:52,821 --> 00:48:54,602
Everything's in titanium nowadays.

688
00:48:54,602 --> 00:48:55,943
It's just so cool.

689
00:48:55,943 --> 00:48:56,343
Alright.

690
00:48:56,343 --> 00:49:02,350
So those guys are at Keyport, actually Origin, Hero Soap or Keyport use the coupon code
10.

691
00:49:02,350 --> 00:49:05,969
I'm sorry, "mountain10" and you'll get 10 % off your order.

692
00:49:06,047 --> 00:49:14,922
Also gentlemen, um, let's get on the phone, have a few laughs and talk about where you are
with your relationships with women or your relationship with who you think is the right

693
00:49:14,922 --> 00:49:15,557
woman.

694
00:49:15,557 --> 00:49:20,020
Uh, and maybe you're convinced she's the right woman and you're probably right about that,
if you are convinced.

695
00:49:20,020 --> 00:49:21,316
Let's talk about that.

696
00:49:21,316 --> 00:49:22,557
I want to hear what's on your mind.

697
00:49:22,557 --> 00:49:33,333
Get on my calendar at mountaintoppodcast.com where you'll also find my sponsors and you
also find the free, download for the book, Sticking Points Solved and more, more, more.

698
00:49:33,702 --> 00:49:41,791
One thing that I probably should mention to you is we made it so our websites are now
loading faster than ever before um which is always a good thing as well.

699
00:49:41,791 --> 00:49:53,384
So all of that and more is there for you at mountaintoppodcast.com and until I talk to you
again real soon, this is Scot McKay from X & Y Communications in San Antonio, Texas.

700
00:49:53,384 --> 00:49:54,705
Be good out there.