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Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,

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and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

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Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. 

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As much as we hate to admit it, we all care what people think about us to some degree,

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even just a little bit. It's why we wear or don't wear certain clothes, fix our hair, refrain

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from certain behavior in public, et cetera. 

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And don't get me wrong, some consideration and awareness of our surrounding 

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is imperative, but making other people's opinion of us the driving force behind 

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our decisions can become problematic.

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You see, we protect what's important to us, but we consider so many things important,

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that it's impossible to protect everything. Our friendships and financial stability, our core

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values and family ties, and so on; at some point, something's gotta give, so we prioritize

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a few aspects of our lives over others.

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As Gandhi said, "Your actions convey your priorities." Sadly, many people care most

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how others perceive them, so protecting their image has become the number one priority.

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Other people's possible opinion, be it good or bad, becomes the filter for their choices.

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Fearful of being judged as anything negative, we forget that we can be a kind person

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with a good heart and still say "No" to people.

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This includes family members, friends, employers, neighbors, et cetera. 

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Setting boundaries is crucial to ensure we don't end up living our entire life just

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to impress the people we know, or complete strangers, for that matter. 

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So, before we can draw our boundaries, we need to define our priorities.

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If my priority on Sunday, for example, is to finish writing an essay when a friend asks me

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to help him move, it's okay for me to say, "You know, I can only come for an hour."

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Or even "I'd rather not come at all, but how about I have some pizza delivered 

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"to your house around noon while you pack?"

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The point is not to feel cornered, stuck, forced to lie, feel guilty, helpless, 

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or fearful of what someone might think of us if we prioritize something else 

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over what THEY think is more important. We must take personal responsibility

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for our time, our money, energy, space, schedule, and so on.

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Without those boundaries, people might drain you, but it wouldn't even be their fault, 

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because how are they to know they have crossed a line if you didn't set it

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in the first place? And if you DID set a boundary but didn't stick to it, remember 

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that what you allow is what will continue; you teach people how to treat you.

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I remember there was a sign in my

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old office that read: "Your lack of planning is not my emergency!"

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Was that passive-aggressive? Absolutely!

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But it DID get the message across.

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And I want to clarify that I'm not talking here about the people-pleasing bug 

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that's going around, I'm talking about doing things we don't want to do in order to protect

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our image. Whether that image is of the one who-can-do-it-all or the nicest neighbor

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on the block, or whatever your poison happens to be; 

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that's not people-pleasing, that's ego-pleasing. I'm talking about the things we do 

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because the answer to "What would people say?" scares us so much that we don't even 

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want to find out. It's a nasty demon called "Insecurity," also known as self-doubt. 

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We don't need other people's approval or acceptance in order to love ourselves.

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In fact, if the only way we receive other people's approval is by doing something

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that is misaligned with our own values, then not only will we not love ourselves,

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we would probably hate ourselves. 

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And this isn't just about our priorities on any given Sunday, 

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it's really about our priorities in life. 

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Don't let fear of other people's disapproval deter you from staying on a path

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that you deem of most importance; be it your spiritual path, sobriety, your relationship, 

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your career or retirement, your refusal to have children or to have a dozen, and so on. 

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"To thine own self, be true." 

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You've heard me say this before: We are taught to be tolerant and accepting, 

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that's true, but Tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful! 

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So, set some boundaries and stick to them.

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If anything costs you your inner peace, it's too expensive. Courage is being yourself

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in a world that tells you to be someone else.

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I personally love listening to podcasts, but I can't stand the commercial interruption 

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or ads for car insurance or website building platforms. And this podcast is available 

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without those interruptions because listeners just like you, who find value

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in these messages, and my monthly blog, online posts, and live events, 

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show their appreciation and support with as little as one dollar a month

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through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp

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Thank you for sharing this message with others.

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One candle can light thousands of others without ever losing its glow.

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Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless 

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and Buddhist Boot Camp.

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For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,

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where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

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watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.

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We hope you have enjoyed this episode,

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and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

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Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼