Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich,
and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
As much as we hate to admit it, we all care what people think about us to some degree,
even just a little bit. It's why we wear or don't wear certain clothes, fix our hair, refrain
from certain behavior in public, et cetera.
And don't get me wrong, some consideration and awareness of our surrounding
is imperative, but making other people's opinion of us the driving force behind
our decisions can become problematic.
You see, we protect what's important to us, but we consider so many things important,
that it's impossible to protect everything. Our friendships and financial stability, our core
values and family ties, and so on; at some point, something's gotta give, so we prioritize
a few aspects of our lives over others.
As Gandhi said, "Your actions convey your priorities." Sadly, many people care most
how others perceive them, so protecting their image has become the number one priority.
Other people's possible opinion, be it good or bad, becomes the filter for their choices.
Fearful of being judged as anything negative, we forget that we can be a kind person
with a good heart and still say "No" to people.
This includes family members, friends, employers, neighbors, et cetera.
Setting boundaries is crucial to ensure we don't end up living our entire life just
to impress the people we know, or complete strangers, for that matter.
So, before we can draw our boundaries, we need to define our priorities.
If my priority on Sunday, for example, is to finish writing an essay when a friend asks me
to help him move, it's okay for me to say, "You know, I can only come for an hour."
Or even "I'd rather not come at all, but how about I have some pizza delivered
"to your house around noon while you pack?"
The point is not to feel cornered, stuck, forced to lie, feel guilty, helpless,
or fearful of what someone might think of us if we prioritize something else
over what THEY think is more important. We must take personal responsibility
for our time, our money, energy, space, schedule, and so on.
Without those boundaries, people might drain you, but it wouldn't even be their fault,
because how are they to know they have crossed a line if you didn't set it
in the first place? And if you DID set a boundary but didn't stick to it, remember
that what you allow is what will continue; you teach people how to treat you.
I remember there was a sign in my
old office that read: "Your lack of planning is not my emergency!"
Was that passive-aggressive? Absolutely!
But it DID get the message across.
And I want to clarify that I'm not talking here about the people-pleasing bug
that's going around, I'm talking about doing things we don't want to do in order to protect
our image. Whether that image is of the one who-can-do-it-all or the nicest neighbor
on the block, or whatever your poison happens to be;
that's not people-pleasing, that's ego-pleasing. I'm talking about the things we do
because the answer to "What would people say?" scares us so much that we don't even
want to find out. It's a nasty demon called "Insecurity," also known as self-doubt.
We don't need other people's approval or acceptance in order to love ourselves.
In fact, if the only way we receive other people's approval is by doing something
that is misaligned with our own values, then not only will we not love ourselves,
we would probably hate ourselves.
And this isn't just about our priorities on any given Sunday,
it's really about our priorities in life.
Don't let fear of other people's disapproval deter you from staying on a path
that you deem of most importance; be it your spiritual path, sobriety, your relationship,
your career or retirement, your refusal to have children or to have a dozen, and so on.
"To thine own self, be true."
You've heard me say this before: We are taught to be tolerant and accepting,
that's true, but Tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful!
So, set some boundaries and stick to them.
If anything costs you your inner peace, it's too expensive. Courage is being yourself
in a world that tells you to be someone else.
I personally love listening to podcasts, but I can't stand the commercial interruption
or ads for car insurance or website building platforms. And this podcast is available
without those interruptions because listeners just like you, who find value
in these messages, and my monthly blog, online posts, and live events,
show their appreciation and support with as little as one dollar a month
through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp
Thank you for sharing this message with others.
One candle can light thousands of others without ever losing its glow.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless
and Buddhist Boot Camp.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode,
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼